Fore!

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

Coming your way this week is the start of the head-to-head race for the fourth and final playoff spot. At 15-9 with a magic number of three and four games to play against the seventh and eighth place teams, Holy Balls all but have the first wild card slot in their pocket - barring a complete and embarrassing choke job, of course. On the other hand, the second wild card slot is wide open. The Westside Warriors have a magic number of six and are three games ahead of the Ducks, which sounds like a nice cushion. However, four of both teams eight remaining games will be played against one another. Two weeks, two teams, two series, just one spot to fill.

On Sunday, the home stretch starts off with a sprint! Westside and the Ducks meet at 3 pm at the Swamp in Trenton as the start of a two series day for both teams. With increasing amount of interest, here are the situations the results could put us in: a Westside sweep pushes their magic number down to two; a split drops the magic number to four, while keeping the Ducks three games back; a Ducks sweep brings them to one game behind and, more importantly, keeps the elimination number at six with six games to play.

Those six games obviously include the back half of the head-to-head series. For the Ducks the other four games will all be played against King Friday. The Warriors have King Friday for two themselves, as well as two with the Wicked Aces down in Whiteford. That makes the non-H2H portion of the schedule tougher on Westside, but they do come in with a little breathing room. Below is a graphic that both sums up the position in which each team sits and gives us the chance for some nice fore and four(th playoff spot) wordplay:

One Last Rodeo

   by  Brandon Corbett  w/  Mike Constanti

"You have to be committed if you wanna operate a franchise."

On Tuesday night Mike Constanti announced plans to retire after the 2013 season to league headquarters. He cited wanting to spend the time Wiffleball takes up with his family in the future, and focusing on his son's efforts in baseball instead. Mike's current plans, though, are to go out on top. "I'm goin' for the Clown Shu this year," he says, and he will give it all on the field for the Ducks. Speaking of the field, he also mentioned using Constanti Field as a home for the Ducks. If true, it is fitting since it was the first WSEM field to earn "The Swamp" nickname. Constanti also took the opportunity to speak on other things around the league.

One thing many may be interested in, he provided some insight into why he chose to leave the Squirrels and sign with the Ducks. "That trade between the Squirrels and Belgians before the first day of (the) playoffs was bullshit and embarassing. Still shaking my head on why? Kind of a deciding factor of why I pursued to play somewhere else," Mike admitted, adding, "please, let's have a hard set deadline for trades." The reason for that trade has been kept guarded, as it is of a personal and private nature. However, the motive was to keep all players on the field. It will come as good news to Mike, though, that a trade deadline date has been set: the final day of Week 10, which is June 25th for the 2013 season.

Having thrown himself into the Clown Shu discussion, he also offered his opinions on this year's changes to give batters a boost. "Mound is moved back... I actually like this rule, 'cause it gives the hitter an extra milisecond or two to adjust and make contact. Some of these guys have rocket arms, so this will help." Mike is not as thrilled with the new bats, though. "I, for one, am against (Griffey bats) for the simple fact it takes the game away from what it is. Wiffleball... I don't really follow what other leagues around the country do, but when I think of Wiffleball, I think of the yellow bat." Constanti's opinion on the Griffeys, and moreso his love of the traditional yellows, surprised me. Then, he immediately surprised me again with his thoughts on the hottest issue around the league right now:

"I am in huge favor of this (steals) rule, especially for it being limit(ed). There is strategic value and (it) moves more runners into scoring position. This will definitely help."

Gun to my head? I would have pegged Mike as being of the opposite persuasion on those two issues. It is neat that you can still learn something new about someone at their retirement announcement. He then applauded the new playoff system where only four teams get in, "Imagine the races at the end of the season for division title and the wild card. Every game means something. This will improve the interest of all the teams in the league. Stakes are higher!!!" Before turning his attention to the league as a whole.

"Carl and Brandon have done a very nice job running the league and more importantly promoting it. Gives us that big league feel. You go on the website and it's about us. The stats, the articles from random players, the podcast (my favorite), the game of the week, Youtube videos and highlights, archives, and the list goes on and on. Shines the lights on individuals and teams, makes everyone apart of something. You can see the Commandos vs. King Friday for game of the week just to see who gets out of the cellar first. There's something for everyone."

In addition to the praise, he also brought up an issue he has had with scheduling since the dawn of WSEM when he was captain of the Ass Kickers.

"I'm goin' for the Clown Shu."

"The biggest down fall I think, and it sounds like the problem may be solved, is the schedule issue. I would hate to be a manager last year. As much as I give credit to the way the website is done, I lost count of how many x's and scratches there were on games of the week... I know we all have lives, but if you run a team, it is your job to make sure your team is available so you don't screw the league and the opposing managers who put time aside for your team for a series. You have to be committed if you wanna operate a franchise."

Constanti is right on all accounts here. There were a ridiculous amount of cancellations in 2012, many of them late, and going forward we will have a set weekly schedule for series to avoid that problem. Most importantly, though, Mike absolutely nailed what a captain's responsibility is to his team, his opponents, and the league.

"I like to see this league thrive to heights which it has never seen before. The league is great now, but there is always room for improvement, and I'm very glad there is always change to make it better."

Mike Constanti will be missed in 2014, but that is still a long way off. He is a two-time All-Star and is named the #35 best pitcher of all-time in the NWLA with a career record of 16-5 and ERA of 1.12. Mike is gearing up for one last wild, plastic rodeo, and he plans on going out in glory with the Clown Shu, Commissioner's Cup and this proud exclamation that, "Constanti Field will be open for DUCK season!!!"

Team Tuesdays: Ducks

by  Will Smith  &  Brandon Corbett   In 2011, the Ducks (then Git r' Done) were out to show us old folks that "Parents Just Don't Understand." Some say they had a sophomore slump in 2012 as the Thunder Ducks, but they were just having fun playing the game this time around: "chillin' out, maxin, relaxin' all cool. And all (playing) some ...ball outside of the where there used to be a school." Now in 2013, the Ducks are poised to "(Get) Jiggy Wit' It" as they ascend to Ali-esque greatness and blockbuster status. While there may be some truth in 2012 being a down year for the franchise, they were successful in winning their second consecutive pennant: this time with the best record in the Garcia Division. The Ducks also held their own against their rival, and eventual 2012 Champions, the Wicked Aces: splitting the regular season series 2-2. However, in the semi-finals they were swept 3-0 and outscored 8-1 by the Aces in an absolute route. While unconfirmed, that dismantling by the Aces pitching staff seems to have set the Ducks' template for the re-assembly of their 2013 roster. The loss of Chris Lewis and, career Git-r'-Duck, Nick Braden to the upstart Holy Balls in free agency was quickly overcome with the pick ups of Mike Constanti and David Castle. The Switch to Constanti (0.56 ERA, 1.29 WHIP in 2012) is an upgrade at pitcher over Lewis (3.55 ERA, 1.42 WHIP). While Castle and N. Braden are comparable at the plate, .340 and .327 SLG respectively, Castle also adds a third pitcher capable of providing a shut down performance on the mound. That option gives the Ducks the ability to keep a dominant starter in during long games and not worry about having to shut him down for two games. Their rotation is now stocked with more arms than the Wild Wild West. D. Braden, Nagorski, and Pearson The returning Ducks - Dennis Pearson, Dylan Braden, and Josh Nagorski - still bring the thunder. D & D are perennial Bad Boys at the dish. Dylan averages 37 H and 11 HR per season; in 2012, 20 of his 39 hits were for extra bases. Dennis is the only player to have consecutive seasons with double digit home runs: 15 in 2011, 10 in 2012. He also has 91 hits over his two seasons, 40 for extra bases. It is no longer "Just the Two of (Them)", either, as Josh Hitched himself on with an impressive 2012: .333 AVG and .489 SLG with 7 2B and 5 HR. The Ducks' problem will be, as it always has been, defense behind their pitchers. True, they do make some damn nice quick reaction plays from time to time, but I, Robot in the field they are not. Consistency on routine plays, good positioning, and team speed are aspects the Ducks notoriously lack. Perhaps the most fascinating footnote in Ducks history is that they are the only WSEM team to take a first round playoff series to three games twice. You can sign your Hancock to that fact, and also that the 2013 Ducks, with their "Brand New Funk," are aiming to end that trend. "I Think I can Beat Mike Tyson" is the attitude I expect out of the Ducks this season. Will they have a third pennant locked up by Independence Day? Maybe not that soon, but come "Summertime" expect nothing other than the Ducks to have reestablished themselves as the elite of WSEM.

Ducks are Covered

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

The Ducks dropped the Thunder from their name and early forecasts saw them limping into the 2013 season. The reason for the dismal outlook was the departure of Chris Lewis and, founding member, Nick Braden to play for the Holy Balls. The move left powerhouse arm Dennis Pearson and big bats Dylan Braden and Josh Nagorski as the only ducks on the pond. Yes, the three totalled 28 HR in 2012, knocked in 68 runs and hit .287, collectively; an impressive three-hit combo to be sure. However, three men does not a Wiffleball team make; just ask the Belgian Wiffles in 2011 or the Manchester Punchouts in the 2012 Championship Series. Who would fill the needed slots on a Ducks roster expecting nothing short of a return to a second championship?

Well, it did not take long to see the big changes brought in - changes that center on one key facet of the game. Freed of the "thunder," the Ducks adopted a new look: a swerving Wiffle pitch with the ball and its trail forming a Ducks head and beak. That designing around the pitch has been the basis of the team's offseason strategy, as well. The Ducks first free agent signing was Mike Constanti. In 2012 with the Squirrels Constanti had a 0.56 ERA, 1.29 WHIP, and 79 K to 21 BB in 45 IP. Those numbers earned him the start for Garcia in the All-Star game; he now joins the other Garcia All-Star pitcher, Pearson, in the Ducks rotation. They were not done yet, though. David Castle, formerly with Belgian, was then signed as a third dangerous arm in their arsenal. Castle's season numbers were up and down, however, he turned it on when the games mattered in the playoffs: dialing up his speed and locking in his accuracy.


See Constanti deal in the first minute of this
video, then Castle starting at four minutes in. These signings seem to be a measured response to being swept out of the playoff semi-finals by the Wicked Aces. Being able to run capably dominant starters out game after game, no matter the situation, is what the Aces were able to do on their march to the title, and now - on paper, at least - the Ducks have matched that ability and paired it with an always potent offense, which also looks to be bolstered by having Castle (.284, 19 RBI) in the mix. With eight of the nine current teams involved in the offseason movement of veteran players WSEM is going to look very different in 2013, but the Ducks have once again positioned themselves as one of the preseason favorites atop the league.

In the Cards '12 #3: Josh Nagorski

In the Cards '12  #3:  Josh Nagorski
Thunder Ducks

Josh Nagorski lives in the shadows, figuratively, and he has no shadow, literally. He lost it in a game of RoShamBo with Peter Pan; although, admittedly Josh should have recognized Pan would pull scissors. Josh is not bothered by the missing shadow as it makes stealth much easier, thus assisting in his ninja training. It has put a quick stop to his highly entertaining puppet theater side-show, however. None of that is here nor there, though, so back to living figuratively in the shadows.

That is a consequence of playing on a team with the D & D boys. Dennis' cannon and Dylan's boomstick are a gravity well for commentary and awe, and the big news from the team in the offseason was the signing of Lewis. Therefore, much of what Gorski brings to the team goes unnoticed around the league. This is in harmony with his ninja persona, however, and he is able to get the jump on unsuspecting pitchers.

It may surprise many that Naggie has actually taken over much of the Thunder Duck operations. He is the one who spearheaded the renaming of the team, for one. Many scheduling requests are funneled through him, for two. He also made the finishing touches to his 00 on the outfield wall at The Swamp. The Ducks have since started the tradition of caressing and pinching them after wins; the MVP finishes off the celebration with some motorboat action.

Oh yeah, and in addition to all of that Gorski can play a little ball! This season, in fewer at bats, Josh has already surpassed his extra-base hits from 2011, including getting his first home run, and has matched his BB and RBI totals from the prior season. He is trending toward the clutch-hitter that he was during last year's playoffs. His AVG may be a bit down, but at .286 is second best on the reigning champion roster, and he is tied for their hit lead with eight. His SLG% is .113 higher than he has ever hit before, which shows he is developing as a Wiffleball hitter and figuring out opposing pitchers. If he settles into this trend as a player, he will be out of the shadows soon and making noise for years to come.

Season	AB	H	BB	R	2B	HR	RBI	AVG	OBP	SLG
2012 to date	28	8	5	5	2	1	3	.286	.394	.464
2011	37	12	5	6	1	0	3	.324	.395	.351
2011 playoffs	46	14	0	1	1	0	3	.304	.304	.326