In the Cards '13 - #6: Greg Voutsos

Greg is exactly the player this series exists for. He started playing with us back during the tournament era. You can check out his offensive stats from the September 2010 tournament here, and his pitching numbers here. Yet his contributions have gone largely unrecognized. He has been a Warrior his entire career, sitting out the 2012 season when his franchise went on hiatus. Greg saw limited action in 2011: playing in just three games. Even then, though, he stepped up as a role player, taking the mound when needed by the team. 2013 has seen an increase in his playing time, and proven to be his most productive year yet. He has the fourth most number of games played for the Warriors, and in four times as many AB from 2011, he is hitting .075 points better while slugging a stout .375 points better. That resulting .575 SLG% leads the team, and he is second in HR and RBI. Voutsos' name may fly under the radar, but his presence is certainly playing a huge role in the Warriors ongoing playoff push.

Career Stats
Batting	AB	H	BB	2B	3B	HR	SF	R	RBI	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG
* 2013:	40	11	15	1	1	3	0	11	13	0	0	.275	.473	.575
2012:	DNP
2011:	10	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	-	-	.200	.200	.200
Pitching	G	IP	R	H	BB	K	W	L	S	SB	CS	ERA	WHIP
* 2013:	2	5	15	12	7	8	0	1	0	0	0	15.00	3.80
2012:	DNP
2011:	2	0.2	5	9	1	2	0	0	0	-	-	37.50	15.15
* As of 7/25/2013

In the Cards '13 - #5: Justin Hughes

Jimmy Hughes was a security guard. Justin Hughes is securely guarded. Outside of the Whiteford camp not much is known about this Aces' middle of the rotation pitcher. There are a couple things we do know. He is one of the few southpaws - although the orientation of Poolside Park actually makes him a "northwestpaw" at home - in WSEM that can prove tricky for right-handed batters. Justin also dons the Commissioner's number 18. Wait... shrouded in mystery? Emulating the commish? Northwest!? It is clear why Hughes, if that is his real name, is an enigma: he is a spy! Whiteford is the perfect place for him to set up shop, too. It provides access to the Commissioner's Cup (which has been targeted before) along with one of WSEM's most marketable pitchers, and easy escape routes into an enemy state without an extradition treaty. Whatever his assignment, it is certainly deep cover; Justin has been in with the Whiteford crew for years, long before there ever was a WSEM. That fact can only make us more concerned with Hughes' capabilities. Time travel? Precognition? Dirty luck? Heck, any one of those are just as useful in a Wiffleball game as they are the spy game. Be careful of this guy, fellas!

Career Stats
Batting	AB	H	BB	2B	3B	HR	SF	R	RBI	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG
* 2013:	15	3	5	1	0	0	0	3	2	0	0	.200	.400	.267
2012:	86	24	11	4	0	3	0	14	13	-	-	.279	.361	.430
Pitching	G	IP	R	H	BB	K	W	L	S	SB	CS	ERA	WHIP
* 2013:	2	5	3	6	2	10	0	1	0	2	1	3.00	1.60
2012:	5	25.2	4	17	17	52	3	1	0	-	-	0.78	1.33
	Perfect Game:  4/29/12
* As of 6/28/2013

In the Cards '13 - #4: Jason Hewlett

Jason Hewlett has something to show you. Yes, it is his nipple... and more. He moonlights as a stripper,* and utilizes the tools of that trade in his game. Jason's most popular, and daring, maneuver on the field is to do a pole dance on the bat while the pitcher starts his wind-up, spin out of it, land elegantly and then take a powerful swing. Pitchers routinely hang a breaking ball, amazed at the erotic show they are being given: 5 of Jason's 6 HR this season have come when using this technique. He also features a deep repertoire of seductive bends, flashes, and thrusts. Easily distracted fielders are frequently seen glassy-eyed and drooling as they stare at Hewlett in the box. Occasionally, you even catch one digging through his pockets for singles. This has led to a career high in hits just halfway through the season. On the mound Jason has been known to utilize body glitter to all its advantages. Dazzled batters have been seen falling on swings, frozen in their fantasies, and - on at least one occasion - running out to the mound instead of first base. Hewlett has successfully parlayed his riveting after-hours gig into being a top-ten player in WSEM; now he just needs to find a way to turn his before-hours game into as big a money-maker.

* According to a tip provided by Hewlett's now-teammate Jason "other Jason H." Hollister, who would not share his stage name.

Career Stats
Batting	AB	H	BB	2B	3B	HR	SF	R	RBI	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG
* 2013:	33	12	13	1	0	6	0	15	17	0	0	.364	.543	.939
2012:	90	9	32	1	0	3	0	9	10	-	-	.100	.336	.211
2011:	59	10	21	2	1	1	0	10	6	-	-	.169	.387	.288
Pitching	G	IP	R	H	BB	K	W	L	S	SB	CS	ERA	WHIP
* 2013:	5	18.1	15	18	19	36	2	2	0	1	0	4.09	2.02
2012:	7	30.1	9	26	16	40	1	4	0	-	-	1.48	1.38
2011:	14	51	59	83	44	79	3	8	0	-	-	5.78	2.49
* As of 6/13/2013

In the Cards '13 - #3 Dakota LaDouceur:

The amount of runs Dakota has knocked in over his two years in the league are only trumped by the ways in which his last name has been pronounced. La-dowch-eeyor... La-dooch-yoor... La-doych-yer... Frank... La-di-ser; no way, that last one can't possibly be right. Dakota was a co-Country Strong HR King in 2012, but never got much love for that accomplishment. I suppose we could blame it all on the trouble with pronunciation, but his signing to El Diablos in the offseason was also regarded as the least impactful of all former Punchout signings. We can definitely blame that on severe oversight. Despite the hour drive before him, "Laddy" has been at four of five El Diablos series this year and is clearly making his presence known with a "Devils when we win, fighting chickens when we lose" swagger. While he may have taken a step back in home run production with teammates picking up the slack, both his average and on-base percentage are higher than they were in 2012. That's LaDouceur. Enunciate.

Career Stats
Batting	AB	H	BB	2B	3B	HR	SF	R	RBI	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG
* 2013:	24	9	11	2	0	1	0	10	7	3	0	.375	.571	.583
2012:	127	43	42	3	0	20	0	46	64	-	-	.339	.503	.835
* As of 5/30/2013

In the Cards '13 - #2: David Castle

David Castle came into WSEM in 2012 as part of an incredible class of rookies. Sharing a lineup card with three more of these future stars caused many to overlook the good season he had. David hit 60 points higher than the league average of .226; his 19 RBI tied for ninth in the league, and was just one behind teammate, RotY Tomlinson; David also was sixth in the league in doubles with 5. For 2013 he has switched from one of the last original 'modern era' teams to the other, and he is using that aggressive style on the basepaths to make a name for himself with the Ducks. In four games Castle has 6 stolen bases! Triple the number of any other player! He is yet to be caught, and is strutting around with all the swagger of Willy "Mayes" Hayes. It looks like the inaugural Great Lakes Stealer (name pending) is all but David's too lose; the better question may be, "will Castle ever be caught?"

Career Stats
Batting	AB	H	BB	2B	3B	HR	SF	R	RBI	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG
* 2013:	13	4	6	1	0	0	0	6	0	6	0	.308	.526	.385
2012:	141	40	10	5	0	1	0	17	19	-	-	.284	.331	.340
* As of 5/9/2013

In the Cards '12 #3: Josh Nagorski

In the Cards '12  #3:  Josh Nagorski
Thunder Ducks

Josh Nagorski lives in the shadows, figuratively, and he has no shadow, literally. He lost it in a game of RoShamBo with Peter Pan; although, admittedly Josh should have recognized Pan would pull scissors. Josh is not bothered by the missing shadow as it makes stealth much easier, thus assisting in his ninja training. It has put a quick stop to his highly entertaining puppet theater side-show, however. None of that is here nor there, though, so back to living figuratively in the shadows.

That is a consequence of playing on a team with the D & D boys. Dennis' cannon and Dylan's boomstick are a gravity well for commentary and awe, and the big news from the team in the offseason was the signing of Lewis. Therefore, much of what Gorski brings to the team goes unnoticed around the league. This is in harmony with his ninja persona, however, and he is able to get the jump on unsuspecting pitchers.

It may surprise many that Naggie has actually taken over much of the Thunder Duck operations. He is the one who spearheaded the renaming of the team, for one. Many scheduling requests are funneled through him, for two. He also made the finishing touches to his 00 on the outfield wall at The Swamp. The Ducks have since started the tradition of caressing and pinching them after wins; the MVP finishes off the celebration with some motorboat action.

Oh yeah, and in addition to all of that Gorski can play a little ball! This season, in fewer at bats, Josh has already surpassed his extra-base hits from 2011, including getting his first home run, and has matched his BB and RBI totals from the prior season. He is trending toward the clutch-hitter that he was during last year's playoffs. His AVG may be a bit down, but at .286 is second best on the reigning champion roster, and he is tied for their hit lead with eight. His SLG% is .113 higher than he has ever hit before, which shows he is developing as a Wiffleball hitter and figuring out opposing pitchers. If he settles into this trend as a player, he will be out of the shadows soon and making noise for years to come.

Season	AB	H	BB	R	2B	HR	RBI	AVG	OBP	SLG
2012 to date	28	8	5	5	2	1	3	.286	.394	.464
2011	37	12	5	6	1	0	3	.324	.395	.351
2011 playoffs	46	14	0	1	1	0	3	.304	.304	.326

In the Cards '12 #2: Daniel Egan

In the Cards '12  #2:  Daniel Egan
Commandos

Daniel Egan opened his rookie Wiffleball season with a running start. Literally. He ran to Lafayette Park for the series on Opening Night. As Egan pointed out where he had run from, back toward an Ipad ad in the direction of downtown Detroit skyline, he had the Squirrels nervous; none of them had run that far in the last ten years combined. Then, in his first pitching appearance, Daniel had the rodents on the ropes: down 2-0 entering the fifth inning. What happened over the next five minutes is not important to this article. What is, however, is that Daniel has taken that Opening Night sprint and turned it into a marathon for the Commandos.

A rookie to Wiffleball, Egan is the only player to have played all fourteen games for the Commandos so far this season; including trips to Romulus, Frenchtown, Taylor, and Woodhaven. He has also taken on the ever-important, yet often thankless, role of number-two pitcher; taking the mound in five games for his team. Daniel has thrown 36 K in his 21.1 IP, for a 1.69 KPI (strike-outs per inning), quite impressive for being new to Wiffleball pitching. At the plate he may still be learning the pitchers, but Egan clearly has power in his swing. Three of his eight hits are home runs, which currently has him tied for third in the league.

Egan's game is not all on the field, nor his prep all in running to the field, though. When Daniel learned of the possibility of a new species of seal, the mattseal, he instantly put together an expedition team, chartered a seaplane, and headed to the Galapagos Islands to find a weakness in the creature that may be exploitable in a team named after them. Where he found the time for this expedition is unknown even by his captain, the Real A.G, who only wanted to comment, "how f*cking cool is that? Danny got a seaplane! I hope he lands it on the river for our next games at Lafayette!"

The findings of the Egan team on the Galapagos are also questionable. "Five days and the only seals we saw were regular Galapagos fur seals," Daniel confessed, "which were still really cool, but I didn't learn anything about Wiffleball at all... Except while on the plane. Man, when that thing goes into a dive you can throw an amazing riser!" Rumors of a few Pokemon also appear in various reports. Also, apparently a run-in with the Nain Rouge, who was vacationing from Detroit, led to a long conversation about their home city. Unfortunately, all of these encounters were photographed with a "water-proof" camera bought in a tourist shop in Ecuador that did not live up to its billing when Daniel later charged into the water to swim with Galapagos penguins.

Photographs, real mattseals or not, the trip does seem to be bringing a boost in Egan's offensive stats. In two games since returning he has hit .400, scored two runs, hit a home run, and has five RBI. Perhaps Daniel may have found the secret to Wiffle success: prepare in ways totally unrelated to Wiffle! The next Commandos series may provide some easier means to practice his method, too: Punchouts? Play some Mike Tyson's Punchout all week long! King Friday? Queue up the Mr. Rogers marathon! Belgian Wiffles? That will be a delicious week, and also lucky that Danny's up for getting out and running off those waffles!

Player	GP	IP	W	L	R	K	H	BB	ERA	WHIP
Daniel Egan	5	21.1	0	4	25	36	32	23	5.86	2.58

	AB	H	BB	R	2B	HR	RBI	AVG	OBP	SLG
	55	8	5	5	1	3	8	.145	.217	.327

In the Cards '12 #1: Don Shaw

In the Cards '12  #1:  Don Shaw
Donkeys

The Donkeys have three players that tend to find their ways into headlines: Alex Shore, captain Joe Seto, and Matt "man of many nicknames" Murtha. Don Shaw, though, is quietly - so far - making a case that he could be the big story for the Donkeys. All three aforementioned players were expected to be a formidable pitching rotation. Nobody knew that Shaw could pitch, yet after four games pitched this season his numbers are shaping up to be a front of the rotation ace.


Watch Don's first start of 2012 -
a 1-0 win 4/29 against the MattsealsIn 14 IP Don has allowed only two runs - one to the Wicked Aces, and one to the Squirrels - for a 0.71 ERA. There is absolutely no fault in giving up runs to those offenses with what they have put up early this season; in fact, limiting them to one a piece is something to write home about. Don is doing the two most important things a pitcher can do: keeping balls in the park and not allowing runners to cross the plate. He is striking out exactly one batter an inning, with 14 K on the season. That number may not seem dominant, but it is impressive when you set it up alongside Shaw's walk total: 5 BB. A nearly 3:1 K/BB ratio is a consistency you hope to have in a pitcher. Besides, you know his fielders behind him love getting to make two outs an inning! Those are the fun outs!

Don is also one of the original Donkeys, playing with the team since they first came out in 2009. He did not take the mound in that tournament, but he put up decent numbers at the dish. While he may be struggling at the plate to start the season (outside of setting all sorts of foul ball records!), if he can return to this form he will be a better than average offensive performer. Couple that with his pitching output, and Shaw will be a very effective Wiffleball player - one whom you will have to talk about... unless you prefer not to talk about when a pitcher shuts you down. ;)

Player	GP	IP	W	L	R	K	H	BB	ERA	WHIP
Don Shaw	4	14.0	1	1	2	14	14	5	0.71	1.36

There are No Words...

Just an eight-pack of cards commemorating our winners of NWLA awards!
So... there were a few words, but just for framing.

* If a player received two awards, the greater of the two is represented on their card.


              


              

In the Cards DOUBLE PACK #7 and #8

David Buhr Belgian Wiffles There are a lot of things you probably do not know about David Buhr. For instance, did you know that he is an editor here on The Skinny? [Ed. note: David did not get his hands on this one, though, since it is about him (or because I just remembered a few hours ago that these are four months overdue :P ). Sorry for the surprise, David!] Did you know he is the coach of a baseball team? That he is a soldier in the U.S. Army National Guard? How about that he plays piano and sings? One thing I am sure you do know about Mr. Buhr, however, is that he absolutely loves playing and being involved with this Wiffleball game. 2011 was rough for David's Belgian Wiffles. That is an understatement. A solid roster was stung by injuries before the season began, and was continually plagued by absence. His team will forever own one of the strangest records on the books: an entire season, 28 games, played without a full roster. I am sure David laughs it off, though; or at least smirks and shrugs about it. He likes bits of trivia like that, after all. Oh yeah, that reminds me: did you know that David is a go-to guy when it comes to baseball trivia? Well, now you do! Back on topic: being a trivial part of Wiffle history is surely something Buhr finds amusement in, the same way that he will be giddy to talk about Belgian Wiffles being the 2011 NWLA "Team Nickname of the Year." So, even in a year with fraught with hardship, the fun in Wiffle always shines through. In a similar spirit, as a player on the field David is all heart and fundamentals. It would have been easy for him to have given up, but Buhr never approached the game with anything less than a "happy to be out here playing ball" attitude. He led the Wiffles in AVG, SLG, and OBP, and had only one less double and home run with twenty-eight less at bats. That said, I am sure he cares less about personal stats than just wanting to see a more steady lineup improve on thirteen wins. Solid and smart defensively, Commissioner Coffee recently commented that David would be an excellent role player in any lineup. I will take it a step further and say that he makes an excellent captain, in that he will not give up on a game, a season, a player, an at bat, or a good experience. One last thing you probably do not know about Mr. Buhr: David will be interviewing players from around WSEM for his new feature on the website, Captain's Corner? Now that you know, get excited for that and prepare yourself for the random onslaught of questions coming your way!				Ryan Bullard Ass Kickers (Picked up by the Flying Squirrels for 2012) I am pretty sure baseball is not even one of Ryan's top five favorite games. Basketball is his number one, and he has the stature to make that perfectly fitting. Poker and beer pong probably take slots two and three, respectively. NFL football is leaps and bounds ahead of the MLB at gathering his interest, and he has certainly swung more tennis racquets in his life than baseball bats. Tacking onto that last statement: I bet he knows stats for Nadal or Federer off the top of his head better than Verlander or Cabrera. Yet Ryan has still been involved in WSEM/Downriver Wiffle since our resurrection in 2009, traveled to two London tournaments, and won a Diamond Digits award in our inaugural season. More than the sport itself what Ryan loves is the thrill of competition. So, whatever the game, he is going to get involved, give it his all, and make it tough for his opponents all day long. You might look at his offensive numbers quickly and underestimate what he brings to the game. Sure, those are not world-beater numbers, but they are not dismally ineffective either; not bad at all for someone who is not a baseball player by trade. Especially not when combined with the defense Ryan provides in the field: a combination of instincts, quick reactions, and range culminating in that aforementioned Diamond Digit award. The ground Bullard covers in the outfield, the catches he makes with his mitts-for-hands, and his ability to rob home runs at the wall can make a .239 batting average seem more like .280 to .300. Most impressively for Ryan in 2011 is that he learned to take walks! Having rarely ever walked in prior tournaments, Bullard took 30 walks this season to post a sexy .465 OBP. Care to apply the "his defense improves his offense by x" equation to that number? Giving you more opportunities to score, while taking more away from the opponent: that is an effective ballplayer. What is really important about the jump in number of walks is that it shows he is learning elements of the game, like patience and an eye at the plate. The natural progression from here should be that he finds a rhythm with his swing, which coupled with the power behind it would make him a very dangerous hitter. Heck, if we allowed one-handed swings, his tennis skills would probably mean we would have another DeLano on our hands already!

-
Brandon Corbett
Flying Squirrels - 17
Media Director, Fire Chief

In the Cards #6: Matt Murtha

In the Cards #6: Matt Murtha
Flying Squirrels

Matt "Murphy" Murtha, "the M-train," and we can probably add "Jim Morrison" and "Michael Jackson" to his list of nicknames while we're at it, has more than just killer pseudonyms going for him. For starters he is the perfect team player: able to play any position, including pitcher, and bat anywhere in the lineup for power or as a table setter. Similarly, his conversation skills are unparalleled, as there is no limit to walk Matt can and will talk about at length. Whether on or just around the field Murtha is one of those guys that brings out the fun in the game.

Long before he was the "M-train," we first met Matt when he tagged along with John Ferry of the Detroit Isotopes to play some pick up games in 2009. This was the first time we had run into other guys who already played the game, and thought this might be the start of wiffle taking off in SE Michigan. Turns out Ferry was a bit too much of a character to work with, but we kept in touch with Murtha. In our 2009 Rally Around the Flag-a-Palooza Matt played with David Buhr's Belgian Wiffles and, despite a tough outing for the team, kept coming back whenever we called him. His reliability and steady play paved the way for him joining the Squirrels in 2010, where he has played ever since.

Matt "Jim Morrison" Murtha's strongest asset on the field doesn't come in one category; it's not his bat, his arm, or his speed, rather a combination of everything. He is a captain's dream in that you can put him any position or slot in the order and he will be serviceable and give a solid performance; heck, he doesn't even care when you ask him to sit out. He may not make extravagant diving plays in the field, but he isn't going to misplay many balls either. As a pitcher his lethal trait is his accuracy: 51 K and just 14 BB in 30.1 IP, or a 3.64 K/BB ratio. He doesn't have huge movement or speed, but he rarely walks batters and forces them to swing at well located pitches for outs or swing through them with the cut he does have on his pitch.

Offensively "Murphy" possesses good pull field power, as well as the oft-overlooked ability to simply make solid contact. His numbers this season (3 HR, 9 2B, .219 AVG, .377 SLG) are lower than his performance really deserves. He does not get the weak, short infield singles that most other batters do. Everything off Matt's bat is hit hard and, unfortunately this season, often at someone, giving the defense the ability to make the play on him. Perhaps it is from his day (and night) job working the numbers at a lumber yard where Matt brings the big stick and burst of power off of his bat. Or is it that glove he wears when he bats?

One thing just about everyone who shares the field with Matt "Michael Jackson" Murtha notices is the batting or golf glove he usually wears at the plate. They notice, and they poke at it, but Murtha isn't phased by any of it. He can take it and wait for the perfect time to pay it back. The M-train is thick skinned. Not callused, although that is the prevailing thought as to why the glove helps him with a more comfortable grip. Still, the glove always rouses comments and questions from both the peanut gallery and opponents alike: "Why? What does it do?" ... "Wow! I've never seen that!" ... "Does it really help?" ... "What the hell? A batting glove?!" ... "What are you hiding under there?"

Maybe there is something to that last, seemingly joking probe. On various occasions the glove has shown that it has a life, and mind, of its own – its own will. Is it possible that the glove is one of the nicknames? Most likely “Murphy,” the one that goes back the longest. Maybe "Murphy" is not a nickname at all, rather some other Wiffle loving consciousness that has affixed itself to Murtha’s wrist just to get its Wiffle fix? You never know. Symbiotic nonsense could explain how Matt can go from that cool, confidently calm persona seen on the front of his card above to penis jokes and escapades of man love seconds later: aka, "Mmmm. The perfect sandwich." And there we go, another nickname!

His passion for playing the game, easy going attitude, timely mischief in the moment, along with the ability to engage and entertain any company in any context unequivocally makes Matt "Mmmm" Murtha the poster child for Wiffler's everywhere.

Matt's 2011 regular season stats and glove on the back of his card:

In the Cards #5: Shane Myers

In the Cards #5: Shane Myers
Westside Warriors

Shane Myers was thrust into Wiffle in Southeast Michigan as an emergency replacement for the Westside Warriors on May 14th. All he did in that performance was hit 2 HR, drive in 5 RBI, bat .600, and slug .867 to lead the Warrior's offensive charge on the day. Captain Alex Shore was quick to bump Shane up from substitute to a spot on the full time roster.

Since that time he has played in just four more games, although that number may be reduced on account of the forfeits two weeks ago. In those four games, though, he has done nothing but continue to bolster his numbers. His AVG is good enough for #3 in the league (.472), has tripled his RBI total from his first day (15), crossed the plate 12 times, and is at a .750 SLG%. Shane has also tacked on 13 BBs for good measure. In only one game has Myers had an OBP below .400, while he has posted that number above .700 three times. He is an offensive machine!

Still, his contributions slip largely under the radar. Even his captain, Shore, was shocked when he saw Myers' .472 avg near the top of the leader board. "What?! Shane Myers is third in hitting?," to paraphrase Alex's reaction. Shane's a quiet guy (at least around most of the league) on a loud team full of big numbers. So, it's not surprising that his efforts are overlooked. He shares a clubhouse with Maclin Malloy and all the chatter of his pitching dominance, Matt Whelan and his outstanding offensive numbers, and Alex Shore who... do we really need to same more? Really it is the perfect atmosphere for a player like Shane to thrive: the opponents concentrate on the rest of his roster, and before they know what's happened Myers has blown the game wide open. With the black uniforms that the Warriors wear he is already primed for the assassin's role.

Shane's 2011 stats (as of June 30th) to complete the card treatment:

Player	PA	AB	H	BB	HR	RS	AVG	OBP	SLG	RBI
Shane Myers	49	36	17	13	3	12	.472	.612	.750	15

In the Cards #4: Bobby Hoppe

In the Cards #4: Bobby Hoppe
Wiffling DeLoppes

Bobby's found his number! [ref.: see #3] The DeLoppes third and newest jersey style this year finally sees Bobby's rightful number 96 emblazoned across his back, bold in black. His number's not the only thing Bobby Hoppe has found this year, either: he's found his bat! In a big way.

Before this season it could not have been easy for Bobby scrapping in the shadows behind the likes of his brother Chad and Joey DeLano on the DeLoppes. Onlookers would often see only those two, associate the "DeL" and "oppes" to their last names, and only later realize there were "other Hoppes" on the team. This disrespect seems to have sent Bobby on a quest in the offseason to earn his face time and a prominent position on this team. He embarked with a supply of medicinal herbs, wearing his signature red Titleist cap, map in hand and pointed himself in the direction of "Wiffle Mecca," which conveniently followed a route featuring many Chinese buffets. He has never shown the map to anyone, and many believe he found other use for it while on the journey.

We can however safely assume a few things about what it contained. It almost certainly seldom made use of the letter 'K' or 'O.' Instead using 'R,' 'B,' and 'I,' as well as 'H' and 'R' in place of those. Numbers bigger than one must also have been included en masse: 2s and 3s specifically; unless Bobby just trained by ritually double or triple folding the map between the times he's rumored to have torn and rolled pieces of it. Lastly, not about the physical map itself, but he must have carried it in a long plastic container the same size, shape, and weight of a wiffle bat to allow Bobby to become so well acquainted with how to effectively use the real thing.

How far did Bobby trek to reach "Wiffle Mecca?" What did he find when he got there? Did he get ever get there, or is the idea of "Wiffle Mecca" just the drive for a player to make themself better and obtain that new level through their journeyman training? ... Shit. This is getting philosophical. There's no time for that in wiffleball... Unless a philosophy that works is what Bobby learned, a steady and centered consciousness on the field: see ball, smash ball, flash a confident smile, pick cigarette back up, and repeat. Wherever his journey took him, whatever was waiting for him at the end underneath the 'X': it worked. Bobby has come out in 2011 as a whole new ballplayer, playing a huge part in his team's success. He is ripping the ball harder, for better average, and coming through in clutch situations. He has found his bat, and damnit has he earned his number 96! So, with that, here are a few more numbers for Bobby:

Bobby's 2011 stats (as of June 16th) to complete the card treatment:

Player	PA	AB	H	BB	HR	RS	AVG	OBP	SLG	RBI
Bobby Hoppe	57	47	18	10	2	10	.383	.491	.617	19

In the Cards #3: Josh Roberts

In the Cards #3: Josh Roberts
Git r' Done

When Josh Roberts arrived at his first WSEM league game he walked the long and lonely road to the field. Literally. He was dropped off at the end of Frenchtown Field's 50+ yard driveway and took each step in stride, carrying his drink for the day, getting loose for his upcoming games, and thinking about how he was going to approach the the DeLoppes' and Mattseals' pitching. With players and spectators already assembled everyone stopped what they were doing and admired his definitive, poignant method of arrival. Some, seemingly starstruck, could be heard to murmur, "who is this guy?" While many others did cut right cut through to the obvious question, "what the hell? Why'd he get dropped off at the end of the driveway?" Okay, in the spirit of total honesty, that whole part about game planning is complete conjecture, but how else do you explain his .462 BA out of the gate in Week 1? Josh is heady, two steps ahead of you, but you wouldn't guess that based on the way he carries himself.

It's very probable that what Josh was thinking as he approached Frenchtown Field and its staring assembly was, "if they think this long walk in is something, just wait until they get a load of me!" And oh boy! Would he ever be right! Josh Roberts is a character. His antics on the field are some of the most demonstrative, over the top, and likely embarrassing to a lesser man: Truffle Shuffles, half-shirts, random singing and dancing, random-er bat tricks, loud exploits and odd approaches, along with the occasional as awkward as possible way start a conversation. All delightful amusements to be sure, but could Josh have a less happy-go-lucky reason hidden behind his amorous behavior? Trying to get in opponents heads, take them off their game, and catch them off guard maybe? Only Josh knows for sure if that constant smile he wears is because he is having fun or if he knows he just suckered you.

Roberts knows he is a role player for Git r' Done, and he accepts that position with the team gladly. He even seems to thrive on it, due in large part to the "what's the best way to make this fun," carefree attitude he approaches the game with. Josh will never over analyze or worry about the heat or junk a pitcher is going to throw; he is just going to go up there, swing the bat, and try to help the team, because let's face it: when your winning the laughs roll out a lot easier, and that is Josh's element. Sure, he'll strike out and unintentionally look silly for a change sometimes, but instead of throwing the bat into the ground he'll do something like balance it on his nose. Why? *shrug* Why not? You won't keep Josh Roberts down, and you will never keep Josh Roberts from having fun.

Going back to add something to the opening "long walk to the ball field" story, because it's smooth to work in circles. Just this past weekend Josh confessed the real reason why he was dropped off at the end of the driveway on Opening Weekend, and none of our early thoughts were anywhere near close. Turns out that his mom, in his words, "is a terrible driver... she would have hit every car in the driveway trying to get in and out of here." So, go ahead and add "considerate" to the list of good qualities Josh possesses, too.

Josh's 2011 stats (as of June 2nd) on the back of his card:

In the Cards #2: Eric Pfefferle

In the Cards #2: Eric Pfefferle
Campus Commandos

Eric Pfefferle is primed for a card in that he is largely unknown throughout the league. Hell, the commissioner just called him "Pfeiffer" on the last podcast... Not that being referred to in the company of Michelle is necessarily the worst thing. It's just that he is so low under the radar that if the nickname "Pfeiffer" doesn't stick, then "the Stealth Bomber" has a real good shot.

The "bomber" part of that nickname is every bit as viable as the "stealth," too. In 4 games played and 24 AB Eric has 2 HR, 7 RBI, 7 RS, a .500 SLG%, and a .419 OBP. Okay, so these aren't world beating stats, but they are a solid, dependable strike toward getting the job done in concert with his team. Pfefferle has also proven himself capable of coming through in the clutch when behind enemy lines, err... I mean behind on the scoreboard; it was a hit off his bat with the bases loaded that left the yard at Lafayette Park to tie the first game with the Westside Warriors on May 20th and was responsible for sending it to extra innings for 3 hours and 12 innings worth of wiffleball. One last poor stealth bomber comparison and a segue into the next shoddy metaphor: Eric lives in Perrysburg, OH, but plays his home games for the Campus Commandos in Detroit. So, whenever he comes to play he is being sortied across borders on long round-trip missions. You know he wants to make those miles worth it by winning and doing his part in the batters box.

While at Lafayette Park or other WSEM fields Eric is a stealth bomber, in Ohio Mr. Pfefferle is a staff accountant working in tax services. Am I now going to say that makes him an accountable player, or that he knows the numbers and how to run them? Maybe he knows how to hide his teams' assets so they can better use them on the down-low? Or that he just knows how to keep everything balanced? Yes, I will. Consider this entire paragraph as something I just said, because I did, and Eric can and will do all of those things. Just watch. You thought we were outing his wiffle abilities with this article so that he won't be able to surprise you on the field, but you're not that lucky. He has behind the scenes talents that no one can know... until it's too late.

Silly word play aside, Eric's a good guy whose following of sports is equally as good. He loves himself some Lions and Wings, dislikes the Penguins, can't sympathize with millionaires feeling they are underpaid, will call out a manager who consistently goes on streaks of making poor-to-horrible decisions, loves finding gems of pre/post-game quotes (usually those with a laughable-to-ridiculous twist), and won't miss the chance to celebrate while rubbing in a win. Oh yeah, Pfefferle can also rip off some great one-liners that come soaked in sarcasm and the sound effect "zing!" Some examples from his facebook page: Kentucky Derby Day... the only day of the year when people in Kentucky get to see a full set of teeth. ... [accompanying a picture of the rail transit at Metro]Amazing... Detroit Metro Airport has as much of a mass transit system as the City of Detroit! ... It could just be the weather in Detroit, but I think hell just froze over because the Lions won!

Have to say, though, Eric's best quality, like any good ballplayer worth his weight in the dirt he wears home, could be his love for three things that really are one thing: Detroit Beer Company, Jameson, and lunch booze.

Eric's 2011 stats (as of May 27th) to complete the card treatment:

Player	PA	AB	H	BB	HR	RS	AVG	OBP	SLG	RBI
Eric Pfefferle	31	24	6	7	2	7	.250	.419	.500	7

In the Cards #1: Jeff Biegas

Now that the numbers are coming in, styles of play becoming known, and the varied personalities are starting to shine through, it is about time to start highlighting the players who deserve it. In the Cards will focus primarily on lower profile players who may fly under the radar and have not had their names and high praises tossed around in the preseason "Top ___" lists and the Team Tuesday columns. At least at first; until those big names make it impossible to not talk about them. These will not be all about on-field numbers, some may even be entirely devoted to a player's antics, how just their personality and presence change the game and bring something totally different to this league. This is the fun part, and with that babbling intro out of the way... onto our first In the Cards piece!

In the Cards #1: Jeff Biegas
Jason Mattseals

Jeff Biegas is the perfect player to lead off this In the Cards column. On one hand he is carefree and just having fun out there, even on a team that is 0-10 to start the year. On the other hand he is absolutely raking right now, ripping the ball around the field, and running around making plays in the outfield giving it all he has got. Jeff does not make a lot of noise, in that he is not a shit-talker or going to talk up his own accomplishments; he is far too laid-back for that. He will, however, be Johnny on the spot with a good non-sequitor, clever remark, or joke while kicking back and enjoying a cigarette in the dug-out or peanut gallery.

Biegas has a good athletic background, so the on-field benefits he brings to the team should not be a surprise. He is big into tennis, so that explains his quick reactions and speed. Plus a racket is kind of like a wiffle bat in concept, so that is an added benefit. Jeff played defense in soccer in high school, so there is more of that "speed" thing in his pedigree along with heads-up awareness. Also in high school he had a brief stint in black ops and sabotage, which earned him an additional 45 days of retraining. This man has all the bases covered. More recently Mr. Biegas and teammate Imran Kakli undertook an intensive 10 months of dart training, honing their accuracy and concentration, in which the main focus, surprisingly, actually was on throwing darts and not drinking beers and shots! Above all, you have to admire his dedication. Jeff works the overnight shift at a hotel, checking in guests and handling wake up calls, and yet he still manages to make weekend afternoon and evening games.

Now, what really put his face on this first card is that, more importantly than making his team's games, Jeff has hit safely in each of the first ten games of the season. What can you say? He quickly turns around from checking in guests at his job to reserving a nice corner room for himself 45' down the first-base line. His ten game hitting streak is the longest in the league, and easily puts him the running for a WSEM "iron man" award if he can keep it up. His hitting streak is huge for the Mattseals, too, as it gives some positive news in their clubhouse and brings excitement to their games: will Biegas keep it going? is becoming a common question the day or two before the Mattseals play. The two greatest things about Biegas' streak are that interest in brings to the team, and Jeff's attitude towards it. When he first heard about it he had a shocked look on his face, like we were joking with him. Then, when he saw we were for real, a full ear-to-ear smile and a little nonchalant shrug with a cool-as-a-seal's-belly comment that anyone who knows Jeff should expect: [laughing] really? I just go up there and try to hit the ball... and then run. [paraphrased]

Jeff's 2011 stats (as of May 24th) to complete the card treatment:

Player	PA	AB	H	BB	HR	RS	AVG	OBP	SLG	RBI
Jeff Biegas	60	55	20	5	1	5	.364	.417	.418	7