 | Your Junk my Happy Zone | |
| by Brandon Corbett |
You know how this works. Remember the thought behind this is, first, an amusing anecdote about the player to hopefully get a "hah!" or "yeeep, that's him!", then - only as an accidental afterthought - the "cool" factor you would normally go for with a walk-up theme. Come to think of it, that is kind of the thought behind Wiffle all the time. Get excited; here we go!
"S.U.T.F.S." - Dark Wave - Chad Hoppe - Wiffling DeLoppes
"She underlines the fuck scenes for ya? Jesus, if she underlines the fuck scenes for ya, she must worship the ground you walk on." - Reggie "Reg" Dunlop
As a great player-coach, Chad reminds me of the above-quoted Dunlop. Not only for his fuck scene appreciation, either! In 2011 Chad took a team that had never performed well and no one gave much respect, made a few lineup additions, and boom! Instant sensations! Unlike the Chiefs, however, the DeLoppes actually became great at the game. You cannot deny the comparison of Bobby, BJ, and Nick Snow to the Hanson brothers, though.
"Sweet Release" - Wugazi - Chris Paquin - Jason Mattseals
Sweet release; that inexplicably smooth, calm and collected bit of "BOO YA!" Chris Paquin has that on the mound. He picked up a Wiffleball last Saturday, and immediately had movement that could only be described as "Chadwick-like": not a lot of speed, but pitches that turn on a dime or make you bite before they blow a kiss goodbye as they bow further and further out of reach in slow motion. For our purposes we will treat any previous contact Chris may have had with a Wiffleball as if it never happened; it makes for a much more intriguing story. Especially when Paquin throws out quotes to equal his rookie pitching arm. For instance, "Six strike-outs; put that in your book!"
"Body Shot" - Electric Six - Adam Grant - Campus Commandos
The Electric Six song in the mix again goes to a Commando! "Body Shot" is spot on for Grant, just as "Escape from Ohio" was for Pfefferle. Adam does not like to give up that inside corner while in the box, and as a result he takes a lot of balls off the torso, thighs, and groin. He also gets a league-leading amount of walks for it, though; so, that must make up for the plastic onslaught.
[As an aside: rumors of Grant's habits of lying down on bars and being the vessel for the other type of body shot are rampant, yet completely unfounded.]
"Hey Stars" - The Juliets - Joe Seto - Donkeys
Snubbed from the All-Star teams last season, by most opinions, "Hey Stars" is essentially Seto reminding all those guys who beat him out for the teams that he is coming for them this year. All Joe really needs to do is breathe heavily into the phone after saying those two words to drive this point home. However, he will more than likely back it up with surgical pitching and batter's box bravado for a less creepy effect.
"S.U.T.F.S." - Dark Wave - Chad Hoppe - Wiffling DeLoppes
"She underlines the fuck scenes for ya? Jesus, if she underlines the fuck scenes for ya, she must worship the ground you walk on." - Reggie "Reg" DunlopAs a great player-coach, Chad reminds me of the above-quoted Dunlop. Not only for his fuck scene appreciation, either! In 2011 Chad took a team that had never performed well and no one gave much respect, made a few lineup additions, and boom! Instant sensations! Unlike the Chiefs, however, the DeLoppes actually became great at the game. You cannot deny the comparison of Bobby, BJ, and Nick Snow to the Hanson brothers, though.
"Sweet Release" - Wugazi - Chris Paquin - Jason Mattseals
Sweet release; that inexplicably smooth, calm and collected bit of "BOO YA!" Chris Paquin has that on the mound. He picked up a Wiffleball last Saturday, and immediately had movement that could only be described as "Chadwick-like": not a lot of speed, but pitches that turn on a dime or make you bite before they blow a kiss goodbye as they bow further and further out of reach in slow motion. For our purposes we will treat any previous contact Chris may have had with a Wiffleball as if it never happened; it makes for a much more intriguing story. Especially when Paquin throws out quotes to equal his rookie pitching arm. For instance, "Six strike-outs; put that in your book!""Body Shot" - Electric Six - Adam Grant - Campus Commandos
The Electric Six song in the mix again goes to a Commando! "Body Shot" is spot on for Grant, just as "Escape from Ohio" was for Pfefferle. Adam does not like to give up that inside corner while in the box, and as a result he takes a lot of balls off the torso, thighs, and groin. He also gets a league-leading amount of walks for it, though; so, that must make up for the plastic onslaught.[As an aside: rumors of Grant's habits of lying down on bars and being the vessel for the other type of body shot are rampant, yet completely unfounded.]
"Hey Stars" - The Juliets - Joe Seto - Donkeys
Snubbed from the All-Star teams last season, by most opinions, "Hey Stars" is essentially Seto reminding all those guys who beat him out for the teams that he is coming for them this year. All Joe really needs to do is breathe heavily into the phone after saying those two words to drive this point home. However, he will more than likely back it up with surgical pitching and batter's box bravado for a less creepy effect. 
