Hashtag #Friends

by Jason Hollister

When I joined WSEM, I never could have imagined that I would meet some of my best #friends. While playing competitive Wiffle Ball is fun, the real fun comes in the times shared with some of the greatest people on Earth. People around the league, and around the community are always asking me “Hollyweird, who are your top 5 best #friends in the league?!” I usually respond with “Who are you!?” or “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Well Wiffle-Nation, I am here to answer that age old question in a little article I like to call “Hashtag #Friends.”

5. Jason Louise Matt As many of you know, during Jason’s stint at Meijer, he recruited me to join a “semi-pro” Wiffle Ball league. I will never in my life forget Jason Matt because he introduced me to a life changing league. But, what many of you do not know is that Jason Matt is actually the father of my child. Back in 2009 Jason Matt and myself were hanging out at a club and we met 2 attractive young ladies. They both seemed very disinterested in me and were all about Jason’s red beard. I pulled Jason over to the side and let him know that I would really like to have a child with the Amazon looking one, because I couldn’t get over her amazing bone structure. Without hesitation, Jason told me “Don’t worry man, I’ll take care of it.” 2 years after conception, my first born child was born and I have Jason Matt to thank for that. However, I had to give the child up for adoption because I had noticed violent tendencies in him. This was directly confirmed to be genetic after Jason Matt’s recent run in with the Seattle Police.

4. Nate Alexandria Motta Many of you will wonder who exactly Nate Motta is, but if you didn’t know, your ass better call somebody. When playing against Onanism, you may see a shoeless Wiffle Ball player with above average looks, but when you get to actually know Nate you will find he has a story so profound you will want to cry. After our games against Onanism I had a chance to talk to Nate. I was asking all the right questions, and I could see he was holding back. When we hugged before we left, he started to sob up and shake a little. I immediately asked him what was wrong and he told me, “That was the first hug I ever received in my life.” Without knowing how to respond I started to cry and he opened up to me like never before. When Nate was a child, his mother and father left him to survive on his own from birth and he was raised in the wilderness by a pack of wild turkeys. Nate never had human contact until Kiefer asked him to join his Wiffle Ball team this year. Ever since this occurance, Nate and I have been going on “hug-dates” where we just hang out and hug a lot in public. So if you play Onanism, be sure to give Nate Motta a nice hug… you will never know how much it means to him.

3. Alexander Ramona Shore Many of you actually do know Alex, and probably are not surprised that he is on my top 5 #friends list. Last year I faced Alex a few times and always thought he was a pretty cool guy, but not really someone I would consider a friend. My entire view changed on Alex after we were both at the same pizza parlor the night of November 2, 2013. I was just ordering a slice of pizza when I looked over both my left and right shoulder and happened to see Alex Shore surrounded by 10 females, that when added up from a scale of 1-10 in attractiveness, were somewhere around 96.8. I walked over nervously to Alex being fed pizza by these women, and said hello. After talking extensively to Alex and the women, he asked if I wanted to go back to his grandma’s house for a party with us 12. I agreed, of course. Alex packed us all into his BMW and we made the 6 hour journey to Grandma Shore’s house. After a wild night of partying and crying, Alex and I called a cab for the women and went into the bedroom for the night. It was that night of card playing, Instagram picture taking, and prank calling that Alex and I became very close and now we see each other at least 4 times a week.

2. Dave Miranda Buhr First thing’s first, Dave Buhr is not just an “I’ve been thinking about all the prime numbers for a week straight” Facebook status kind of guy. Dave Buhr is an intelligent and thrilling person to be around. Dave was my first ever captain and from that bond we created something very special. The night that started it all began last year after a Belgian win over Whiteford. Dave told me that he was on such a high from the victory that he didn’t want the night to end. “I just finished Breaking Bad and you know what? I think tonight is the night I try crystal meth.” Not surprised in the least bit about this desire, I agreed to hang out and do some meth that night with Dave. After calling his meth dealing friend, Dave and myself went downtown to visit old Tiger Stadium to try to relive some of the past. We enacted every season from 1910 through 1982 that night before we saw some people trying to steal from the park. Dave and I approached the people to ask what they were doing, and one of them promptly grabbed me and pointed a gun at my head. Within seconds of this occurring, Dave pulled out his newly acquired iPhone, opened up the smart piano app, and started playing and singing a song so breathtaking, the bandits decided to release me. Dave Buhr, you saved my life and I will always love you for that.

1. Jordan Michele Wagner Jordan is the 6th, and lesser known member of El Diablos, and he is my best friend. Jordan and I first met the summer of 1998 when we attended “St. Peters Catholic Camp for Young Boys” and ever since then we have enjoyed a friendship that I wouldn’t trade for front row tickets to Bruno Mars. My fondest memory of Jordan was the day the article was published on this very website about my addiction to being a clown prostitute. Upon hearing the news, Jordan rushed over to my house where he found me in a red wig crying downstairs. This was the lowest point in my life now that I was exposed to the entire world and Jordan was there for me every step of the way. Jordan and I went to counseling that very day and still continue to go to counseling today. Jordan you are my rock, you are my stability in an unstable world. I love you man.

Fans everywhere enjoy a good friendly, everyone enjoys giving into a good fantasy, and everyone loves the Fall - just too bad there isn't much Wiffle going on. Ah-ha! (Take on Me) That's where the the friendly and fantasy can come across even stronger. Four teams of five have been arbitrarily selected to compete and entertain us over the slow months. To determine the outcome of each at-bat a random number generator from 1 to 1000 is used. Each player's number ranges are different: their AVG and OBP are multiplied by the opposing pitcher's WHIP to set the ranges for hits and walks; from there a player's percentage of singles, doubles, triples, and home runs are spread over their "hit range": singles start at 1, home runs end at the highest number in the hit range. Walks follow above hits, and a pitcher's number of strikeouts in the 2012 season set the strikeout range after walks. Every number above that is an out made in the field: numbers closer to 1000 are fly outs, while lower numbers are ground outs. Depending on the situation sacrifice flies, advancing runners, peg outs, and double plays also come into play. You'll see that strikeouts and walks are disproportional to a real game, and that just adds to the entertainment! Let's just say everyone agreed to play these friendlies mid-pitch.

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Game 6: 12 2 6 Curves (1-1)  VS.  Sinkers (2-0)

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- The Curves make no lineup changes despite the loss. The team feels confident that the pieces laid out as they are - 1. Bischoff, 2. Buhr, 3. Nagorski, 4. Hewlett, 5. Coffman - will be more than good enough to win the Fall Championship with Evan Bischoff taking the mound (They did score 9 in the loss, with runs at the top and RBIs from the back end).

- Sinkers haven't played since 10/14 in a 17-15 shootout win over the Risers. Asked whether the layoff may hurt their production Phillips responded, "we got this." Then asked if Sinker's championship shirts will feature the slogan Hughes interupted, "will? Been wearing mine since September," as he lifted his jersey to show off a shirt reading "Sinkers, Fall Champions 2012, We always had this." No mention of their lineup, but they haven't changed anything yet. Why start now?

Top 1st
Buhr and Hewlett reach base on a single and walk, but they come sandwiched between two ground outs and a fly out. Curves unable to get anything going against Phillips in the first.

Bot 1st
Easy inning to start the day for Bischoff: two outs on the ground and a lazy pop out. Score is 0-0 after one.

Top 2nd
Two one-out singles (Buhr, Nagorski) and a walk (Hewlett) get a threat going for the Curves. A fielders choice by Coffman keeps the bases loaded with two outs for Bischoff, who makes up for his K earlier in the inning with a 2 RBI double to right-center. Buhr follows with his third hit of the game, a single scoring both Coffman and Bischoff. The inning ends on a Nagorski fly out to left, but four runs in for the Curves.

Bot 2nd
Hewlett robs a home run off the bat of Phillips on the first pitch of the inning. The deep fly shakes Bischoff up, and he walks the next two batters. He settles back down, getting Braden and Alexia on more routine fly outs. 4-0 Curves after two innings.

Top 3rd
Cleansing inning in the third for Phillips with help from Alexia and Hughes turning a double play (SS - 2nd - mound) on Coffman after a Hewlett walk. Bischoff then slaps a single to left, but nothing comes of it as Buhr flies out to Roszell in center. Sinkers quiet the opponents bats, but need to wake theirs up to get in this championship deciding game.

Bot 3rd
Two more walks (Phillips, Braden) by Bischoff, but he gets the other three batters out on fielder's choices. No harm, no foul... and no hits given up yet on the day. Score remains 4-0 Curves.

Top 4th
Three up, three down for the Curves in the fourth. They make it a busy inning for Roszell chasing down fly balls in left, but nothing else. Still comfortable in command of the game, though.

Bot 4th
That comfortable feeling gets a little less as Phillips hits a hard drive to left to lead off an inning for the second time, and this time out of the reach of Hewlett. Solo home run. Bischoff seems to shake off this hard hit quicker getting the next two batters out in the air then on the ground. Braden then steps up and crushes another ball deep to left and over the wall. Second solo home run of the inning. Alexia grounds out to finish the inning, but the Sinkers get on the board and back into this game. They still trail the Curves 4-2 with one inning left to play.

Top 5th
After that scare, the Curves look to add some insurance with the top of the order due up. Bischoff steps up with a single, and Buhr hits a one-hopper to Alexia in short left that he handles for the first out (FC 2nd). Phillips then kicks it up a notch needing just two pitches K to Nagorski, get Hewlett to pop out to right and end the inning. Curves hold onto their two run lead needing just three more outs to win the Fall Championship.

Bot 5th
Bischoff walks Phillips, then trades out runners on the next two batters with fielder's choices to the circle: both out at second. One out left to get, but Braden keeps the Sinkers alive with a single to left. Alexia draws a walk, bringing Phillips back up to the plate. He draws his second walk of the inning, pushing Hughes across the plate. Tying run standing at third, two outs. Roszell slaps the ball into right, Buhr charges in and flips the ball to Bischoff for the final out! 12 2 6 Curves hang on and win the Fall Championship in exciting fashion 4-3!

	1	2	3	4	5	R	H
	0	4	0	0	0	4	7
	0	0	0	2	1	3	3

12 2 6 Curves  (2-1)			Sinkers  (2-1)
OFFENSE			OFFENSE
E. Bischoff	3-5, 2B, 2 RBI, R		Hughes	0-4, BB, R
Buhr	3-5, 2 RBI		D. Braden	2-4, HR, BB, RBI, R
Nagorski	1-4, R		Alexia	0-4, BB
Hewlett	0-2, 3 BB		Phillips	1-2, HR, 3 BB, 2 RBI, R
Coffman	0-4, R		Roszell	0-4, BB
PITCHING			PITCHING
E. Bischoff	3 R, 3 H, 2 HR, 7 BB		Phillips	4 R, 7 H, 3 BB

Standings
	W	L	+/-
	2	1	-1
	2	1	+2
	1	2	-1
	1	2	0

The 2012 Fall Fantasy season comes to a rousing close. The 12 2 6 Curves took advantage of the Sinkers' cockiness and jumped out quickly to a 4-0 lead. It was big hits by E. Bischoff and Buhr in the top two spots that pushed in the runs, and that's just what they did all fall long. A classic 1-2 duo, combined to hit .517 with a .576 OBP. Their power numbers were modest, though they did hit four doubles: more than the rest of the league combined. It was the entire team getting into the act, though, to get the win with numbers 3, 4, and 5 - Nagorski, Hewlett, and Coffman - coming around to score those big early runs.

Bischoff had an off night giving up 7 walks and 2 home runs, while getting no strike outs. Luckily his defense played a great game behind him to allow only 3 hits to a powerful Sinkers offense. Even with two players vying for the triple crown, said offense showed no real life until the fourth inning. True, Phillips did have a home run robbed in the second, but taken with the rest of the Sinkers' ABs on the day, it seemed more like hitting for the home run crown than to win the game. A flat performance by the favorites, but they get to go out on fire regardless; those shirts they had made are in need of burning.

Player stats and awards for the Fall Fantasy season to come at the end of the week.

Fans everywhere enjoy a good friendly, everyone enjoys giving into a good fantasy, and everyone loves the Fall - just too bad there isn't much Wiffle going on. Ah-ha! (Take on Me) That's where the the friendly and fantasy can come across even stronger. Four teams of five have been arbitrarily selected to compete and entertain us over the slow months. To determine the outcome of each at-bat a random number generator from 1 to 1000 is used. Each player's number ranges are different: their AVG and OBP are multiplied by the opposing pitcher's WHIP to set the ranges for hits and walks; from there a player's percentage of singles, doubles, triples, and home runs are spread over their "hit range": singles start at 1, home runs end at the highest number in the hit range. Walks follow above hits, and a pitcher's number of strikeouts in the 2012 season set the strikeout range after walks. Every number above that is an out made in the field: numbers closer to 1000 are fly outs, while lower numbers are ground outs. Depending on the situation sacrifice flies, advancing runners, peg outs, and double plays also come into play. You'll see that strikeouts and walks are disproportional to a real game, and that just adds to the entertainment! Let's just say everyone agreed to play these friendlies mid-pitch.

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Game 4: Cheese (0-1)  VS.  12 2 6 Curves (1-0)

---

- Following their 7-6 defeat in Game 1, the Cheese make a few lineup shifts to get the most out of their offense. Crozier (2-4, BB) bumps up to the lead off spot, followed by Shore (1-5) who brings a lot of extra base power. Lewis (2-4) takes over the three-hole, with Pfefferle (2-4, HR) backing him up, and Cosby rounding out the order. Lewis gets the start.

- The 12 2 6 Curves make only one change in their lineup: bumping Buhr (2-3, 2 BB) up to the two spot. Evan Bischoff (3-6, 2 2B) stays at lead off, and Nagorski (3-6, HR) moves down to third in the order to put him in position to best do damage with another home run. Hewlett and Coffman remain in the four and five slots. Hewlett is on the mound.

Top 1st -
Crozier leads off the game with a shot into left-center for a single. Shore just misses on a 3-1 pitch, flying out to Buhr in right. Lewis puts a ball on the ground to Bischoff in left, who gets the ball to the circle for the out at first; Crozier safe at second, two outs. Pfefferle draws a walk, then Cosby rolls over a pitch and grounds out to left.

Bot 1st -
Bischoff starts things off for the Curves with a line drive directly at Shore in left for out number one. Buhr then puts a ball on the ground the other way, but Cosby charges and flips to the pitcher in time for the second out. A routine ground ball out off the bat of Nagorski ends the inning. 0-0 after one.


Cheese scoresheet Top 2nd -
Hewlett makes quick work of the Cheese in the second, throwing just 8 pitches. Crozier grounds out to Bischoff in left on the second pitch he sees, Shore sees three pitches and drives a single to right, Lewis then pops up the first pitch back to the mound, and Pfefferle fouls off a good first pitch then hits a high fly to Nagorski in center to end the inning.

Bot 2nd -
Hewlett draws a walk to start the inning, then Coffman pops out behind the pitcher's circle. Bischoff hits another ball hard to left, this time for a single; runners on first and second. Buhr puts a ball on the ground to left-center, Crozier charges to his right and makes the throw to the circle for the out at third. Nagorski puts a ball down the left-field line, Shore gets to it in time to hold him to a single and Buhr at second. However, Bischoff scores from second. Hewlett then walks for the second time in the inning, loading the bases. Coffman puts the ball in play, and Cosby makes the catch in right to retire the side. Curves take a 1-0 lead after two.

Top 3rd -
The Curves run wakes up the Cheese offense, and fiercely! After a Cosby ground out, Crozier singles to center, Shore and Lewis draw walks to load the bases, then Pfefferle ropes a single into right-center that scores Crozier and Shore from second. Cosby walks to load the bases for the top of the order, and Crozier drops a single between Nagorski and Buhr to score Lewis; bases remain loaded. Shore works the count, fouls off four tough pitches, and eventually draws his second walk of the inning; this one pushing Pfefferle across the plate. Lewis follows slapping the ball into right field, Bischoff whips his throw to the circle in time to get Cosby at home; two out. Pfefferle connects on a high pitch, and hits it deep to right field; Buhr camps under it and shudders the flood gates. 4 runs cross the plate, Cheese take a 4-1 lead.


12 2 6 Curves scoresheet Bot 3rd -
Bischoff leads off the third with a long battle, drawing a walk, and Buhr follows with an infield single; a charging Shore holds the ball at third to not throw it away. The play looks smart as Nagorski trickles a ball just past the 20' dead-ball line for another infield single, but cannot push across a run. With the bases loaded Hewlett hits a single to right, Bischoff scores, Buhr rounds third and tries to score; Cosby throws a relay to Lewis in front of the plate, but they miss the peg; two runs score and Nagorski moves up to third on the throw. On the first pitch Coffman hits a ball on the ground to left; Shore throws to Crozier at second and he attempts to turn the double play in the circle, but the throw is just late. RBI for Coffman on the fielder's choice at second. Bischoff then knocks a ball over Lewis' head into short center; Crozier charges, tags the bag, and whips the ball to Lewis for the double play to end the inning. Curves add 3 to bring things back even at 4 heading into the fourth.

Top 4th -
Just as in the third, the Cheese offense responds furiously. Cosby leads off by crushing a 2-0 fastball over the fence in left. Three consecutive singles by the top of the order push across a second run, with Shore advancing to third on Lewis' flare to right. The Curves catch a break turning a double play (left-second-circle) on Pfefferle; Shore scores from third on the play for the third run of the innings, bases empty. Cosby keeps things going with a single to center, and Crozier belts a deep drive over the wall in right-center; the second home run of the inning and fourth and fifth runs. Swinging on the first pitch Shore nearly adds to both those numbers, but has a home run taken away by Buhr in right. Big inning for the Cheese puts them up 9-4 just six outs away from a win.

Bot 4th -
It took until the fourth inning, but this is what the Curves' lineup shift was meant to do. Buhr gets on with a single, then Nagorski knocks the ball over the fence in left-center. Lewis rebounds with his first strike out and a ground out, before Bischoff knocks a ball into right for a single. Lewis tidies up quickly getting Buhr to fly out to Shore in left. Curves chip away at the lead with 2 runs, still trail 9-6 as we go to the fifth.

Top 5th -
Hewlett has his best inning since the second. He opens up dealing his first strike out of the day against his counterpart, Lewis. Pfefferle dribbles an infield single, followed by a seeing eye variety off the bat of Cosby. Hewlett then gets Crozier to weekly fly out to Nagorski in center, runners hold, and bookends the inning with a swinging strikeout by Shore. Last call for the Curves needing 3 runs.

Bot 5th -
Lewis looks locked in to close the game down. He gets Nagorski out on a weak pop up to Pfefferle, and Hewlett on a slow roller to Shore. Coffman then gets to him with a single down the left field line, and Bischoff follows with a walk to bring the tying run to the plate. Buhr puts a nice swing on Lewis' patented riser, but drives it to the deep part of the park in center. Crozier gets underneath of it and records the final out. 9-6 Cheese win!

	1	2	3	4	5	R	H
	0	0	4	5	0	9	13
	0	1	3	2	0	6	9

Cheese  (1-1)			12 2 6 Curves  (1-1)
OFFENSE			OFFENSE
Crozier	5-7, HR, 3 RBI, 3 R		E. Bischoff	2-4, 2 BB, 2 R
Shore	2-5, 2 BB, RBI, 2 R		Buhr	2-6, 2 R
Lewis	1-5, BB, RBI, R		Nagorski	3-5, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R
Pfefferle	2-5, BB, 2 RBI, R		Hewlett	1-3, 2 BB, 2 RBI
Cosby	2-4, HR, BB, RBI, 2 R		Coffman	1-5, RBI
PITCHING			PITCHING
Lewis	6 R, 9 H, 1 HR, 4 BB, 1 K		Hewlett	9 R, 13 H, 2 HR, 5 BB, 2 K

Standings
	W	L	+/-
	2	0	+3
	1	1	+2
	1	1	-2
	0	2	-3

The lineup changes for both teams were successful at boosting offensive production to the tune of three more runs for the Cheese and one more for the Curves. Though, obviously, those results are more apparent for the Cheese. Crozier thrived in the move to the lead-off spot: going 5-7 (now hitting .637 this Fall), getting his first HR and first 3 RBI, as well as scoring 3 more runs for 5 on the Fall. Pfefferle had his second two-hit game and added his fifth and sixth RBI of the Fall. Cosby also had his second two-hit game, getting his first HR and RBI, expertly fitting into the five slot. Nagorski had another great game for the Curves: his second three-hit game of the Fall (hitting .545), second HR and third, fourth, and fifth RBIs.

At 1-1 both teams are still in the hunt for the Fall Championship with just two games left to play. The Cheese close out their season against the 0-2 Risers, and the Curves go head-to-head with the 2-0 Sinkers. Both games have implications on crowning the champion. The cleanest way to decide the champion is A) a Sinkers victory; at 3-0 they would stand alone with no need for any tie-breakers. A 1-2 Curves team would finish third with a loss to the Cheese and win over the Risers. However, a Curves victory in that game makes things much more interesting. B) A Curves win and a Cheese win makes three teams 2-1, each with a head-to-head win over one of the others: Cheese over Curves, Curves over Sinkers, Sinkers over Cheese. Therefore the champion - as well as second and third place - would be crowned by run differential.* C) A Curves win and a Cheese loss makes the Curves the outright champion with their victory over the only other 2-1 team, Sinkers - Sinkers would be second, Risers third, and Cheese fourth.

Bottom line on what's at stake in these final two games: Sinkers and Curves can finish anywhere from first to third; Risers can still place as high as second; and Cheese can finish anywhere on the board - first to last! #MeaningfulGamesInOctober

* On the other end of the spectrum, a loss by both the Cheese and Curves puts three teams at 1-2 and will see second through fourth place decided by run differential.

Fans everywhere enjoy a good friendly, everyone enjoys giving into a good fantasy, and everyone loves the Fall - just too bad there isn't much Wiffle going on. Ah-ha! (Take on Me) That's where the the friendly and fantasy can come across even stronger. Four teams of five have been arbitrarily selected to compete and entertain us over the slow months. To determine the outcome of each at-bat a random number generator from 1 to 1000 is used. Each player's number ranges are different: their AVG and OBP are multiplied by the opposing pitcher's WHIP to set the ranges for hits and walks; from there a player's percentage of singles, doubles, triples, and home runs are spread over their "hit range": singles start at 1, home runs end at the highest number in the hit range. Walks follow above hits, and a pitcher's number of strikeouts in the 2012 season set the strikeout range after walks. Every number above that is an out made in the field: numbers closer to 1000 are fly outs, while lower numbers are ground outs. Depending on the situation sacrifice flies, advancing runners, peg outs, and double plays also come into play. You'll see that strikeouts and walks are disproportional to a real game, and that just adds to the entertainment! Let's just say everyone agreed to play these friendlies mid-pitch.

---

Game 2: 12 2 6 Curves  VS.  Risers

---

Top 1st -
Easy first inning for Evan Bischoff and the Curves. Routine fly outs to center and left field, followed by a ground out to left.


Bot 1st -
Nagorski is able to reach on a single, but Constanti keeps the rest of the Curves off the basepaths with two ground outs and a fly out. 0-0 after 1 inning.

Top 2nd -
Bischoff continues rolling for the Curves with two ground outs and his first strike out of the day.

Bot 2nd -
Constanti responds strongly to start with a quick ground out and his first strike out for the Risers. Nagorski then tags him for a long solo home run to left center, which seems to shake him for the next couple batters: a double to right field by Buhr and a walk to Hewlett. Constanti regains his composure and gets Coffman to pop out to short to end the inning. 1-0 Curves after 2.

Top 3rd -
Greg Franzen draws a walk to lead off the inning, giving the Risers their first base runner of the day. Bischoff quickly rebounded, though, striking out Seto and getting Contanti and Mushinski to ground into outs. Perfect game lost, but Curves lead remains 1-0.

Bot 3rd -
A slightly scary inning for the Risers, but ultimately harmless. Deep flies off the bats of Bischoff and Nagorski both came up short of the fence in left-center, before a walk to Buhr. Hewlett again put the ball in the air, easily caught in short center to end the inning. Curves still lead 1-0.

Top 4th -
Bischoff continues cutting down the Risers hitters by allowing his defense to make the outs. Two fly outs to Nagorski in center field, and a routine ground out to Hewlett at short make for an easy inning.

Bot 4th -
Coffman draws a walk to lead off, followed by a first-pitch single by Bischoff. Nagorski's able to get the ball in play, but a short fly ball to left: unable to advance the runners. Buhr then walks to load the bases. Hewlett steps up and grounds a ball straight to the pitcher; out made at home, bases remian loaded. Coffman strikes out on a slider low and away to end the threat. Score remains 1-0 Curves, last call for the Risers.

Top 5th -
Bischoff starts out strong, striking out Constanti. He then walks Mushinski, putting the tying run on for Tomlinson who singles to left field: runners on first and second with Franzen stepping up the plate. 0-2 with a BB on the day, Franzen turned on a high and tight fastball and put it ten feet over the left field wall to awaken the Risers' bench. Seto followed with a seven-pitch walk, before Constanti delivered a dribbling single to right - advancing Seto to third. Mushinski then hit a fly ball to center that scored Seto from third. Tomlinson followed with another deep drive, but came up just short to end the inning. However, Risers claim the lead, 4-1, with the top of the Curves order due up.

Bot 5th -
Evan Bischoff leads off with a double to the right-center gap. Nagorski then flies out to right, advancing Bischoff to third on the tag. Buhr lines a single into left to score the run and keep the Curves hopes alive. Hewlett then fouls off a few good pitches, puts together a good at bat and draws a walk, putting the tying run on base. Coffman comes through, driving a single up the middle; Hewlett comes around to score, runners on first and second. Lead cut to 4-3. Bischoff then a rips a double to left-center; Hewlett scores easily from second to tie the game, and with one out the Curves hold Coffman at third. The safe play pays off as Nagorski rips a single back up the middle to score the fourth run of the inning and the game winner. Curves win 5-4 in walk-off fashion!

	1	2	3	4	5	R	H
	0	0	0	0	4	4	3
	0	1	0	0	4	5	9

Risers  (0-1)			12 2 6 Curves  (1-0)
OFFENSE			OFFENSE
Tomlinson	1-5, R		E. Bischoff	3-6, 2 2B, RBI, R
Franzen	1-3, BB, HR, 3 RBI, R		Nagorski	3-6, HR, 2 RBI, R
Seto	0-3, BB, R		Buhr	2-3, 2 BB, 2B, RBI, R
Constanti	1-4		Hewlett	0-3, 2 BB, R
Mushinski	0-2, BB, RBI, R		Coffman	1-4, BB, RBI, R
PITCHING			PITCHING
Constanti	5 R, 9 H, HR, 5 BB, 2 K		E. Bischoff	4 R, 3 H, HR, 3 BB, 3 K

Team Tuesdays: Belgian Wiffles

by David Buhr

David "Eureka's" Castle delivering with Chandler "Bing" Phillips behind.What comes to mind when you think of Belgian Wiffles? Food, right? Well, here's some food for thought - the Belgian Wiffles team is not at all the same team it was last year. I, David Buhr, am the only remaining player on my team that was involved last year. We now have six rookies in David Castle, Chandler (C.J.) Phillips, Craig Skinner, Kyle Tomlinson, Travis Vieira, and Nick Walker. Castle and Phillips proved themselves as pitchers in the most recent tournament allowing only seven runs in five games with the last two being shutouts against the teams that played in the league championship last year. Skinner was a nice addition at the plate as a left-handed bat, and Tomlinson showed off his defensive prowess. Speaking of defensive prowess, Phillips is already being touted as a possible diamond digit candidate. We saw him rob about 3 home runs in the first tournament. Vieira is another left-handed bat in the lineup which bodes well for us Wiffles as the league has predominantly right-handed pitching. Walker sees the ball well and will almost always put it in play. Craig "Seymour" Skinner up to bat with David "Dabadooey" Buhr on first.Vieira, Walker, and I are all former soccer players and we all still have good speed. Phillips also has impressive speed and is probably the fastest on the team. I don't know how much power we're going to have overall, but it was nice to see a three-run shot over the centerfield wall by Castle against the Mattseals in the most recent tournament. I have decent power and had four home runs last year, but am hoping to top that this year. What surprises me most is the lack of respect my team is still getting after winning the April 21st Satellite Tournament. I don't see my team being worse than 16-12 or worse than sixth in the league this year. Look out WSEM, here come the Belgian Wiffles!

Interview: David Buhr

		Captains Corner
		with David Buhr  Carl Coffee  turning the tables

Name: David Buhr
Birthday: June 12, 1983
Height: 5' 10" (I've grown one inch since the end of 8th grade)
Weight: 182 and dropping

1. How did you get involved in competitive wiffleball?

I'm not totally sure, but I think I found you, Carl, after I had attended a certain church service specifically centered around college age kids and I added one of them. On the page of one of those people I added I found a link to some wiffleball rules and was interested to see what it was and I think I contacted you, but I actually don't fully remember how that happened. I remember coming to play with you guys on a beautiful Saturday in June where I ended up diving into glass leaving a big gash in my wrist, but there's no way something like that would ever stop me from coming back to play!

2. What made you decide to captain a team in WSEM?

Well, at first I just wanted to join a team, but there didn't seem to be room at the beginning of last season so I decided I'd try to find a few guys who I thought would play and I did. Little did I know that one wouldn't be able to play weekends, another would hurt his shoulder in the preseason tournament, and one would leave halfway through the season.

3. What are you most looking forward to in this upcoming season?

You mean besides playing the sport? Well, there's the new field, new teammates, and how's it going to play out, how good are they going to be factor that excites me. Also, I'm really looking forward to seeing how that pitching rule pans out with teams and seeing how much more competitive our league will be.

4. How did it feel to win the NWLA ‘Team Nickname of the Year’ award?

Man, that was awesome! I love that and as always I have to give my sister-in-law most of the credit since I didn't completely come up with the name- she said how about Belgian Waffles and I just changed one letter. I love telling people about that award and I love that a team in Rochester, New York decided to use it. It puts a smile on my face.

5. What was your favorite sport growing up?

When I was little it was actually soccer, but once I hit 6th grade, there was just something about baseball that I fell in love with. It's just a beautiful game all around.

6. Favorite hobby?

Collecting baseball cards, singing, and climbing trees

7. Did you ever have any interesting or cool nicknames?

Oh man, did I ever! Where shall we start? These each have a story behind them, but I won't tell them here. Stilts, Ol' Man River, Wolverine, Hustle, Davy J, Josh Groban, Dabadooey, The Jewish Looking Kid, and most recently Adam Sandler

8. What are your true feelings towards Chris Lewis? Any bad blood?

I harbor no hard feelings toward Chris. He has a passion for the game and for winning and I admire that. He also started getting along with Dennis and his guys from the start so I'm totally okay with it. Yeah, it could be rough without an experienced pitcher this year, but it's okay. It's all about having fun.

9. Do you have idea who your opening day starting pitcher will be?

No clue. I think there will be at least 3 guys on my team that can pitch and I'm really hoping that's true. If Josh Lovell can pitch, I'll probably use him. He seems like he would be able to and he's got that confusing lankiness like Maclin that could be used to throw people off.

10. How on earth did you hit that ~130 foot HR at Constanti Field last year?

I have muscles. Seriously though, Mike just put it in the right (or wrong depending on perspective) spot, I caught up with it and I've always been more of a power hitter except for that summer that I first played with you guys.

11. Who would you take if you needed to win one game, Pearson or Bischoff?

Without a doubt, Bischoff. Here's my reasoning- Pearson can blow anyone away with the speed on his pitches, but he doesn't necessarily always have the accuracy. If the other team is patient enough, they will get walked. Yes, his accuracy did improve some by the end of the season, but he still has a little ways to go and if he can harness that accuracy with his speed, he will be the worst pitcher to face. Bischoff has alread harnessed that accuracy with good speed, not as fast as Pearson, but still fast. Along with the speed and the accuracy, his pitches also have serious movement. He is in my mind, the best pitcher in our league. We'll see if that proves true this year.

12. And lastly, do you think the Belgian Wiffles will do better or worse than last season? (2011 record: 13-15)

That's actually hard to say right now considering the fact that I'm the only one on the team who's not a rookie. I've never even met one of my players, though I'm told he's a good ballplayer which has the potential to translate into a good wiffleball player. The other three on my team, well, I've only seen them play soccer, but they're good athletes. I believe we should do better, but it depends on how good my pitchers are, and how well we all do hitting. Our speed is our biggest threat. You don't want us on the basepaths, but I plan on us being there!

Interview: Dennis Pearson

		Captains Corner
		with David Buhr

My next victim of the interview is perhaps the most feared pitcher in the league. Is it because he throws nearly 80 mph on every pitch? Or perhaps it's because he can hit well? No, it's mainly because with that 80 mph pitch, he's not always accurate. Whenever you face him, it's reminiscent of the first pitch Randy Johnson threw to John Kruk in the 1993 Midsummer Classic. The ball went sailing over Kruk's head at nearly a hundred miles per hour! Though he has his inaccuracies, he scares you enough that you have to swing, if for no other reason, to live! Answering my questions rather quickly and with enthusiasm, here is your first Wiffle in Southeast Michigan Champion captain - Dennis Pearson.

Name: Dennis Pearson
Birthday: September 9th
Height: Big mother
Weight: 204 but add the pound or two when I'm holdin that trophy

1. Why did you decide to change the team name, and how did you come up with it?

Well I didn't decide to change my team did I liked grd cause of Larry the cable guy. And ask gorski how he came up with it.

2. Who do you think is the most underrated player on your team and why?

Josh Nagorski cause he can come in the clutch whenever he wants to and once people underestimate him he takes advantage of it and gets on base.

3. In all honesty, do you think Bischoff could be better than you?

In all honesty no!

4. Do you think the Ducks will repeat as champs?

Oh yea with the new roster we are gunna have and the everyday players we got a guy that can almost be compared to Delano with speed. Note how I said almost. And we got a big gun playing with us this year he stands in at 6'6 and has a powerful bat. And don't let me forget Lewis that's my boy that rotation is like JV and porcello I am gunna teach him everything I know to make him better for the team.

5. Where does all the strength and power in your pitching come from?

Legs

6. What was your favorite sport growing up?

Baseball

7. Favorite hobby?

Baseball

8. Did you ever have any interesting or cool nicknames?

D-train, DLP, and DP

9. What do you honestly think of the new pitching rule? Do you think it'll help you to not blow your arm out? Or do you wish it hadn't been instated?

sucks, nope what did I do in the championship and I went the next day and played long toss with a buddy and still could throw far. Nah.

[Pub. note: The rotation rule has nothing to do with saving pitchers' arms.]

10. How do you feel about all the trash talk? Is it good for the league? Do you think it should be toned down at all?

Badass, somewhat, yea the personal stuff it's dumb.

Interviews with Your Co-Commissioners

		Captains Corner
		with David Buhr

Most of us have or have had dreams of making it big in some venue somewhere, whether it be sports, music, or television, we would like to have either the fame or the fortune, or both! Why? Because we're selfish, vain, egotistical human beings. As such, we also would love to have our story told by a famous journalist. Sure, I am neither famous nor am I wealthy, but I am here now to feed that egotistical nature, to ask questions about you, not just as a wiffleball player, but as a person as well.

Every couple of weeks I will be interviewing a player, starting with the captains of each team. The first to be interviewed are none other than your co-commissioners and co-captains of the Squirrels, Carl Coffee and Brandon Corbett.




Name: Carl Coffee Jr.
Birthdate: December 18, 1982
Height: Possibly 6 feet
Weight: I like food

1. What gave you the idea to start a Wiffleball League?

It was the only way I could get people to play with me. It's all here - http://wiffleinsemitheskinny.blogspot.com/2011/01/getting-wiffleball-in-palm-of-hand.html

2. How were you able to find people?

God Bless the Internet.

3. How did you come up with the name for your team?

Searched Minor League names, Flying Squirrels stood out.

4. What was your favorite sport growing up?

Baseball with Basketball a close 2nd

5. Favorite Hobby?

Throwing pennies away, SNES, claymation.

6. Were you ever given any cool or weird nicknames?

Triple C, Crazy Carl, Coff, Randy, Doug, The German Giraffe.

7. Ideally, where would you like to see WSEM in 5 years?

I hope it is in good hands. I have two years left in me to stay on as Commish, but hope to captain a team until my legs fall off. I also really hope we can be a top 5 league in the NWLA.

8. Have you ever had any unusual injuries?

You can't hurt me.

9. Since wiffleball is really a smaller scale baseball game, I'd like to ask you who is your favorite MLB player of all time?

90's- Cecil Fielder
00's- Pudge
10's- Cabrera

10. How do you feel about the trash talk that goes on in our league? Do you feel that it's good for the league? Or would you like it to be toned down some?

I hate when people get personal, i.e. making fun of someones appearance, grammar, etc. Trash talk in the field is awesome though!





Name: Brandon Reginald Barclay Corbett, Esq.
Birthdate: The near future
Height: Less than tall
Weight: 40 lb less than my license says

1. What gave you the idea to start a Wiffleball League?

I'm pretty sure I was hoodwinked into it... It wasn't so much wanting to start a Wiffleball league, but more just not wanting Carl to hurt himself. Having done it, though, I have to say the escapism and God-complex in crafting this surreal little nook of the world is pretty fantastic. Oh, and some of the guys are pretty classy dudes, too.

2. How were you able to find people?

It still amazes me that any people came out, and still come out. Early on it was a lot of high school friends, then slowly guys interested in Wiffle, like you and Chad, found us online; Carl's the one who has done almost all of the work when it comes to bringing in new people, but I do know that kidnapping has been very effective.

3. How did you come up with the name for your team?

Well, the London (OH) Tournament that got us started playing this game required teams to have MLB or MiLB team names, and Carl always brought the name back with him. First it was Lugnuts, then Jammers (Jamestown), and finally Flying Squirrels (Richmond). We always just looked for a silly kind of name for this silly kind of game. Squirrels seems to have stuck, though I am subtly trying to replace "Flying" with the abbreviated "F'ing" - you know, for class.

4. What was your favorite sport growing up?

Neighborhood-wide squirt gun fight / tag / capture the flag. More sportingly: lacrosse; nobody knew anything about it. It had mythical qualities.

5. Favorite Hobby?

Does making websites for silly things and going way over the top with them count as a hobby?

6. Were you ever given any cool or weird nicknames?

I wish. My compadres never got past the hockey nickname scheme: Corbs, Corby, etc. Want to bestow one on me now? ... Please?

7. Ideally, where would you like to see WSEM in 5 years?

Sixty strange guys in Chad's backyard having a barbecue. I'd be elated with that.

8. Have you ever had any unusual injuries?

I'm unbreakable, which is shocking since I hate milk.

9. Since wiffleball is really a smaller scale baseball game, I'd like to ask you who is your favorite MLB player of all time?

This is a hard one for me. I root more for the team than the guy in the jersey. I don't really care about the "old-timers" either; no personal investment in any of them. So, it comes down to guys who I just like (or liked) watching play. It has to be Rick "the Wild Thing" Vaughn.

10. How do you feel about the trash talk that goes on in our league? Do you feel that it's good for the league? Or would you like it to be toned down some?

As long as it is kept in a context related to the game it can be cool. Maybe throw in some "yo mama" jokes. When it spills over into personal lifestyle, means, etc. it becomes a problem. Two guys going back and forth ripping on each other's play or hair in the heat of the game can definitely add something to the competitive atmosphere. Obviously, not all sixty of us are going to be "tight bros," but we are all in this silly, little Wiffle community together. I'll steal GSWL's slogan, "a kid's game taken way too far," because I think it says it best; what we're doing out here really is reliving a childhood game and the excitement and fun that goes along with it by going over the top with things like a website, ridiculous articles and a podcast. None of us are world-beaters; we're going back to when baseball was larger than life for us, and we're trying our best to realize Wiffle in that larger than life way now.

In the Cards DOUBLE PACK #7 and #8

David Buhr Belgian Wiffles There are a lot of things you probably do not know about David Buhr. For instance, did you know that he is an editor here on The Skinny? [Ed. note: David did not get his hands on this one, though, since it is about him (or because I just remembered a few hours ago that these are four months overdue :P ). Sorry for the surprise, David!] Did you know he is the coach of a baseball team? That he is a soldier in the U.S. Army National Guard? How about that he plays piano and sings? One thing I am sure you do know about Mr. Buhr, however, is that he absolutely loves playing and being involved with this Wiffleball game. 2011 was rough for David's Belgian Wiffles. That is an understatement. A solid roster was stung by injuries before the season began, and was continually plagued by absence. His team will forever own one of the strangest records on the books: an entire season, 28 games, played without a full roster. I am sure David laughs it off, though; or at least smirks and shrugs about it. He likes bits of trivia like that, after all. Oh yeah, that reminds me: did you know that David is a go-to guy when it comes to baseball trivia? Well, now you do! Back on topic: being a trivial part of Wiffle history is surely something Buhr finds amusement in, the same way that he will be giddy to talk about Belgian Wiffles being the 2011 NWLA "Team Nickname of the Year." So, even in a year with fraught with hardship, the fun in Wiffle always shines through. In a similar spirit, as a player on the field David is all heart and fundamentals. It would have been easy for him to have given up, but Buhr never approached the game with anything less than a "happy to be out here playing ball" attitude. He led the Wiffles in AVG, SLG, and OBP, and had only one less double and home run with twenty-eight less at bats. That said, I am sure he cares less about personal stats than just wanting to see a more steady lineup improve on thirteen wins. Solid and smart defensively, Commissioner Coffee recently commented that David would be an excellent role player in any lineup. I will take it a step further and say that he makes an excellent captain, in that he will not give up on a game, a season, a player, an at bat, or a good experience. One last thing you probably do not know about Mr. Buhr: David will be interviewing players from around WSEM for his new feature on the website, Captain's Corner? Now that you know, get excited for that and prepare yourself for the random onslaught of questions coming your way!				Ryan Bullard Ass Kickers (Picked up by the Flying Squirrels for 2012) I am pretty sure baseball is not even one of Ryan's top five favorite games. Basketball is his number one, and he has the stature to make that perfectly fitting. Poker and beer pong probably take slots two and three, respectively. NFL football is leaps and bounds ahead of the MLB at gathering his interest, and he has certainly swung more tennis racquets in his life than baseball bats. Tacking onto that last statement: I bet he knows stats for Nadal or Federer off the top of his head better than Verlander or Cabrera. Yet Ryan has still been involved in WSEM/Downriver Wiffle since our resurrection in 2009, traveled to two London tournaments, and won a Diamond Digits award in our inaugural season. More than the sport itself what Ryan loves is the thrill of competition. So, whatever the game, he is going to get involved, give it his all, and make it tough for his opponents all day long. You might look at his offensive numbers quickly and underestimate what he brings to the game. Sure, those are not world-beater numbers, but they are not dismally ineffective either; not bad at all for someone who is not a baseball player by trade. Especially not when combined with the defense Ryan provides in the field: a combination of instincts, quick reactions, and range culminating in that aforementioned Diamond Digit award. The ground Bullard covers in the outfield, the catches he makes with his mitts-for-hands, and his ability to rob home runs at the wall can make a .239 batting average seem more like .280 to .300. Most impressively for Ryan in 2011 is that he learned to take walks! Having rarely ever walked in prior tournaments, Bullard took 30 walks this season to post a sexy .465 OBP. Care to apply the "his defense improves his offense by x" equation to that number? Giving you more opportunities to score, while taking more away from the opponent: that is an effective ballplayer. What is really important about the jump in number of walks is that it shows he is learning elements of the game, like patience and an eye at the plate. The natural progression from here should be that he finds a rhythm with his swing, which coupled with the power behind it would make him a very dangerous hitter. Heck, if we allowed one-handed swings, his tennis skills would probably mean we would have another DeLano on our hands already!

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Brandon Corbett
Flying Squirrels - 17
Media Director, Fire Chief