Showing posts with label Carl Coffee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Carl Coffee. Show all posts

Final Preseason Twatter Power Rankings

Coffee Time
by Carl Coffee

10. Oakland County Onanism       1
OCO play a lot of games early in the season, so they will soon no longer be a mystery. Keep an eye on D. Kilger
9. Islanders       1
Linebrink will bring a lot of rookies this season, hopefully one of them can pitch. I see them splitting on opening night
8. Wolfpack       1
Hollister has a large roster to play with, and could be the ultimate sleeper team this season. Can their pitching hold up, though?
7. King Friday       3
Castle is looking good so far, but it's only the preseason. When Lollio plays, he will need to carry a big offensive load
6. Holy Balls       3
The Purple Gang looked really off this preseason, but I am not overly concerned, DP will find it. They should be around .500
5. Westside Warriors       1
I haven’t heard much from Bortmas, but Alex is confident he will be a full-time player. Also should be around .500
4. Flying Squirrels       1
The Squirrels are built for tournaments, but the regular season is a different animal. They still are a dang good team.
3. Belgian Wiffles       1
Belgian had another nice showing in a Satty. With their complete lineup, they will be a tough team to beat.
2. Whiteford Wicked Aces        
Zero Satty Appearances and only 4 games in the first five weeks. I wish I had the guts to move them down. #lame
1. El Diablos        
The Fighting Chickens have one goal this year, the Commissioners Cup. Chand1er looks scary good this season.

2nd Annual Fantasy Snowball Fight

Coffee Time
by Carl Coffee

Last year, I put together a fantasy snowball tournament with the top 16 pitchers in the league. For four days, the 16 pitchers battled in a single elimination tournament until one pitcher came out victorious. Dennis Pearson ended up taking the crown. This year, we will once again have 16 pitchers facing off, but it won’t be a single elimination format. It won’t be double elimination either, it will be a triple elimination bracket.

Just like last year I seeded the top 16 pitchers in the league, with each team having to have at least one representative. Sorry to guys like Crozier, Castle, and Hewlett. You obviously deserve to be on here more than Jason Matt, but Belgian needed a representative. Enjoy the craziness!

Participants
1. Austin Bischoff (WA) 2. Sam Hatt (WW)
3. Evan Bortmas (WA) 4. Evan Bischoff (WA)
5. Michael Constanti (DU) 6. Craig Skinner (EL)
7. Adam Cosby (KF) 8. Dennis Pearson (DU)
9. Brandon Corbett (HB) 10. Chandler Phillips (EL)
11. Chris Paquin (HB) 12. Alex Shore (WW)
13. Matt Murtha (KF) 14. Joe Seto (IS)
15. Alex Linebrink (IS) 16. Jason Matt (BW)


Winner's Bracket - Round 1
1. Austin Bischoff
defeats
16. Jason Matt
9. Brandon Corbett
defeats
8. Dennis Pearson
5. Michael Constanti
defeats
12. Alex Shore
4. Evan Bischoff
defeats
13. Matt Murtha
3. Evan Bortmas
defeats
14. Joe Seto
6. Craig Skinner
defeats
11. Chris Paquin
10. Chandler Phillips
defeats
7. Adam Cosby
2. Sam Hatt
defeats
15. Alex Linebrink


Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 1
8. Dennis Pearson
defeats
16. Jason Matt
9. Matt Murtha
defeats
12. Alex Shore
11. Chris Paquin
defeats
14. Joe Seto
7. Adam Cosby
defeats
15. Alex Linebrink


Winner's Bracket - Round 2
1. Austin Bischoff
defeats
9. Brandon Corbett
4. Evan Bischoff
defeats
5. Mike Constanti
6. Craig Skinner
defeats
3. Evan Bortmas
2. Sam Hatt
defeats
10. Chandler Phillips


Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 2
10. Chandler Phillips
defeats
8. Dennis Pearson
3. Evan Bortmas
defeats
13. Matt Murtha
5. Mike Constanti
defeats
11. Chris Paquin
7. Adam Cosby
defeats
9. Brandon Corbett


Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 1
11. Chris Paquin
defeats
16. Jason Matt
9. Brandon Corbett
defeats
12. Alex Shore
8. Dennis Pearson
defeats
14. Joe Seto
13. Matt Murtha
defeats
15. Alex Linebrink


After five rounds of play, we finally have our first eliminations and our down to our final 12 participants. There haven’t been any monumental upsets yet, but there is lot of snowballing still to play. Below is an update of how everyone is doing.

1. Austin Bischoff 2-0 Winner's Bracket
2. Sam Hatt 2-0 Winner's Bracket
3. Evan Bortmas 2-1 Loser's Bracket 1
4. Evan Bischoff 2-0 Winner's Bracket
5. Mike Constanti 2-1 Loser's Bracket 1
6. Craig Skinner 2-0 Winner's Bracket
7. Adam Cosby 2-1 Loser's Bracket 1
8. Dennis Pearson 2-2 Loser's Bracket 2
9. Brandon Corbett 2-2 Loser's Bracket 2
10. Chandler Phillips 2-1 Loser's Bracket 1
11. Chris Paquin 2-2 Loser's Bracket 2
12. Alex Shore 0-3 Eliminated
13. Matt Murtha 2-2 Loser's Bracket 2
14. Joe Seto 0-3 Eliminated
15. Alex Linebrink 0-3 Eliminated
16. Jason Matt 0-3 Eliminated


Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 2
11. Chris Paquin
defeats
9. Brandon Corbett
8. Dennis Pearson
defeats
13. Matt Murtha


Winner's Bracket - Round 3
1. Austin Bischoff
defeats
4. Evan Bischoff
6. Craig Skinner
defeats
2. Sam Hatt


Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 3
3. Evan Bortmas
defeats
10. Chandler Phillips
5. Michael Constanti
defeats
7. Adam Cosby


Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 4
4. Evan Bischoff
defeats
3. Evan Bortmas
2. Sam Hatt
defeats
5. Michael Constanti


Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 3
10. Chandler Phillips
defeats
11. Chris Paquin
7. Adam Cosby
defeats
8. Dennis Pearson


Five more rounds have been completed, and four more participants have been eliminated. In the Winner’s Bracket final, #1 seed Austin Bischoff took care of business and went 3-0. He will face #6 seed Craig Skinner who upset both Evan Bortmas and Sam Hatt. Evan Bischoff and Hatt are both sitting pretty with only one loss, and Michael Constanti, Chandler Phillips, Evan Bortmas, and Adam Cosby all are a game away from being eliminated.

1. Austin Bischoff 3-0 Winner's Bracket
2. Sam Hatt 3-1 Loser's Bracket 1
3. Evan Bortmas 3-2 Loser's Bracket 2
4. Evan Bischoff 3-1 Loser's Bracket 1
5. Michael Constanti 3-2 Loser's Bracket 2
6. Craig Skinner 3-0 Winner's Bracket
7. Adam Cosby 3-2 Loser's Bracket 2
8. Dennis Pearson 3-3 Eliminated
9. Brandon Corbett 2-3 Eliminated
10. Chandler Phillips 3-2 Loser's Bracket 2
11. Chris Paquin 3-3 Eliminated
12. Alex Shore 0-3 Eliminated
13. Matt Murtha 2-3 Eliminated
14. Joe Seto 0-3 Eliminated
15. Alex Linebrink 0-3 Eliminated
16. Jason Matt 0-3 Eliminated


Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 4
5. Michael Constanti
defeats
10. Chandler Phillips
3. Evan Bortmas
defeats
7. Adam Cosby


Winner's Bracket - Finals
6. Craig Skinner defeats 1. Austin Bischoff


Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 5
2. Sam Hatt defeats 4. Evan Bischoff


Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 5
5. Michael Constanti defeats 3. Evan Bortmas


Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 6
5. Michael Constanti defeats 3. Evan Bischoff


After five more quick rounds, we are down to the final four. In another stunning upset, Craig Skinner goes to 4-0 and takes down Austin Bischoff in the Winner’s Bracket final. With only one loss, top seeds Austin Bischoff and Sam Hatt are both very much alive. Constanti pulled off three straight wins to stay alive, and is hanging on by a thread.

1. Austin Bischoff 3-1 Loser's Bracket 1
2. Sam Hatt 4-1 Loser's Bracket 1
3. Evan Bortmas 4-3 Eliminated
4. Evan Bischoff 3-3 Eliminated
5. Michael Constanti 5-2 Loser's Bracket 2
6. Craig Skinner 4-0 Winner's Bracket
7. Adam Cosby 3-3 Eliminated
8. Dennis Pearson 3-3 Eliminated
9. Brandon Corbett 2-3 Eliminated
10. Chandler Phillips 3-3 Eliminated
11. Chris Paquin 3-3 Eliminated
12. Alex Shore 0-3 Eliminated
13. Matt Murtha 2-3 Eliminated
14. Joe Seto 0-3 Eliminated
15. Alex Linebrink 0-3 Eliminated
16. Jason Matt 0-3 Eliminated


Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 6
1. Austin Bischoff defeats 2. Sam Hatt


Winner's Bracket Champion vs. Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 7
1. Austin Bischoff defeats 6. Craig Skinner


Loser's Bracket 1 - Finals
1. Austin Bischoff defeats 6. Craig Skinner


Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 7
2. Sam Hatt defeats 5. Michael Constanti


Loser's Bracket 2 - Finals
6. Craig Skinner defeats 2. Sam Hatt


With four participants left, Austin Bischoff proved why he is the #1 seed. Austin sent Hatt to the 2nd Loser’s Bracket and then beat Skinner twice to also send him there as well. Hatt then eliminated Constanti, but was then quickly eliminated by Skinner. In the Championship, Austin will face off against Skinner for the 4th and maybe 5th time in the tournament. Skinner will need to beat Austin twice since he only has one loss.

1. Austin Bischoff 6-1 Championship
2. Sam Hatt 5-3 Eliminated
3. Evan Bortmas 4-3 Eliminated
4. Evan Bischoff 3-3 Eliminated
5. Michael Constanti 5-3 Eliminated
6. Craig Skinner 5-2 Championship
7. Adam Cosby 3-3 Eliminated
8. Dennis Pearson 3-3 Eliminated
9. Brandon Corbett 2-3 Eliminated
10. Chandler Phillips 3-3 Eliminated
11. Chris Paquin 3-3 Eliminated
12. Alex Shore 0-3 Eliminated
13. Matt Murtha 2-3 Eliminated
14. Joe Seto 0-3 Eliminated
15. Alex Linebrink 0-3 Eliminated
16. Jason Matt 0-3 Eliminated


Championship - Game 1
6. Craig Skinner defeats 1. Austin Bischoff


Championship - Game 2
6. Craig Skinner defeats 1. Austin Bischoff


Just when you thought Skinner was out of it, he defeats Austin twice to take down the 2nd Annual Fantasy Snowball Tournament. Skinner went 7-2, and defeated some of the best pitchers throughout the tournament in upset fashion. Congrats to the El Diablos ace on a very fun and exciting tournament victory!

Final Standings
1. #6 Craig Skinner 7-2
2. #1 Austin Bischoff 6-3
3. #2 Sam Hatt 5-3
4. #5 Michael Constanti 5-3
5. #4 Evan Bischoff 3-3
6. #3 Evan Bortmas 4-3
T-7. #7 Adam Cosby 3-3
T-7. #10 Chandler Phillips 3-3
T-9. #8 Dennis Pearson 3-3
T-9. #11 Chris Paquin 3-3
T-11. #9 Brandon Corbett 2-3
T-11. #13 Matt Murtha 2-3
T-13. #12 Alex Shore 0-3
T-13. #14 Joe Seto 0-3
T-13. #15 Alex Linebrink 0-3
T-13. #16 Jason Matt 0-3


Team Tuesdays: Jason Mattseals


by Carl Coffee & Greg Franzen

The Jason Mattseals were pretty much the whipping boys of the league last season. At the last minute, Jason Matt and Imran Kakli came together to form a roster full of fun-loving competitors. With the league unsure if they would even show up to play, the Mattseals surprised everyone by playing 25% of their season in the opening weekend! Last season, the team’s regular players were Jeff Biegas, who will be a part-timer this season, Jason Hewlett, who will be back on the pitcher’s mound this season, Diamond Digit winner Danny Johnson, who is no longer with the team, and Jason Matt and Imran Kakli, who will both be playing full time.

Showing up to games, they did; winning those games, they did not. The Mattseals struggled to find any sort of identity until they played a four-game series in early June against the Flying Squirrels. The Mattseals upset the Squirrels twice that day and split the four game series, behind a dominant pitching performance from Hewlett. The Seals also upset the Westside Warriors once, and had two forfeit wins against the Ass Kickers to finish the regular season 5-23.

The Mattseals drew number-one seed Git R' Done in the playoffs, and almost had the upset of the century. In the first two games of the best-of-three series the Seals blew two late-inning leads and lost both close games to end their 2011 season.

The 2012 Jason Mattseals now have a new leader, Greg Franzen. He is changing the entire identity of the Mattseals, and I now throw this article over to him to tell you all about that.

Franzen throws to Adam Cosby for the force.

When the 2011 season came to a close with a first-round playoff loss to the eventual champions, Git R' Done, the Mattseals went into the off-season looking for answers to how they could correct their 5-23 regular season record and turn around their luck for 2012. I was contacted by Carl about playing wiffleball in early December. He mentioned there was a team looking for a solid hitter/fielder. Having played organized baseball since the age of six and high school freshman baseball with both Carl and Corbett, they felt I would be a good fit with the Mattseals: a team looking for a new identity.

I worked closely with Jason Matt over the off-season, and when Carl mentioned each team needed to have matching jerseys I wanted to try and design something fun and different. What I came up with will hopefully be a highly talked about and admired jersey by the league. The big question for the team was who would be returning to play again next season. We already were prepared for the return of three stable veterans in Jason Hewlett, Imran Kakli, and Jason Matt. The loss of Jeff Biegas as an everyday starter and player was huge, because we were losing our best hitter of the 2011 season, and offense was one area the Mattseals really struggled last season. Jason Hewlett, however, managed to come through with two new names and I was able to recruit a former high school cross country teammate. Having to play five non-regular players last season hurt the Mattseals chances to gel together as a team. This year the Mattseals have an entire team of dedicated players who will play in most, if not all of their games. Here is a brief rundown of the 2012 Mattseals roster.


Greg Franzen (Captain) – A wiffleball rookie, Greg has undertaken the roll as Mattseals captain and is hoping to change the Mattseals perception in this league. Greg is looking forward to trying to spark the Mattseals offense with his bat and help solidify the defense. With good speed and excellent hands, he should be a welcomed edition to the newly revamped Mattseals.

Jason Matt – Wiffleball veteran Jason Matt brings pitching and game experience to the Mattseals. Jason is familiar with pitching in big games, having been placed into that roll against Git ‘R Done in the playoffs with the unfortunate injury to Jason Hewlett. Jason comes into this season with a strong dedication to help improve the Mattseals.

Jason Hewlett – Wiffleball veteran and last year’s Mattseals pitching ace, Jason Hewlett was counted on to pitch most of the innings for the Mattseals last season. Unfortunately, this was a heavy undertaking and Jason got injured before the playoffs. With the new pitching rotation rules this year, other players of the Mattseals will be stepping up to provide more starting and relief pitching. Jason has been working hard this offseason to improve his pitching arsenal and should provide a dominate presence on the mound. Jason has tweaked his batting style a little bit as well and it has improved his swing and power. Jason is an all-around solid wiffleball player.

Imran Kakli - Wiffleball veteran Imran Kakli brings a fun and energetic presence to the Mattseals. Imran wanted to have a stronger presence with the Mattseals last season, but his work schedule conflicted with many of the games. Luckily, the Mattseals will be playing a majority of their games on Sunday, which should provide Imran with more playing time and an opportunity for a bigger role on the team. Imran brings a knowledge and understanding of the game that will help the rookies and veterans of the Mattseals unite.

Chris Paquin - Wiffleball rookie Chris Paquin is no stranger to playing organized baseball. Chris jumped at the opportunity to join the Mattseals when recruited by Captain Greg Franzen and he brings with him a strong knowledge of baseball and strategy that will be very beneficial this season. Chris will have the opportunity to do some pitching this season and he has been practicing hard to fine tune his pitching style. Chris will be a good fit with the Mattseals.

Adam Cosby - Wiffleball rookie Adam Cosby was recruited by Mattseals veteran Jason Hewlett. Adam will be inserted into the pitching rotation and will allow Hewlett the rest and recovery that his arm needs. Adam has a good baseball background and is very anxious to get this season started and has been a dominate force at practice. He is a welcomed addition to the Mattseals.

Mike Myers - Last, but certainly not least, wiffleball rookie Mike Myers was also recruited to the team by Jason Hewlett. Mike has previously played baseball and has shown promise with good hitting and fielding. He helps to round out the Mattseals and we are excited with what he can offer the team this season.


Mike Myers is looking to provide
a spark in the new Mattseals offense.
At the first team meeting, the Mattseals discussed moving away from Brownstown Middle School and finding a new home for a new identity. After much searching, that home has been found. The Mattseals will play their home games in 2012 at “The Club at Civic Center Park” located in Woodhaven, Michigan on Hall Road. This is a good location that should provide the general public with a good chance to view what our league is all about, while still being partially secluded from most other events at the park. This will be a pitcher friendly park with deep fences all around. Home runs are possible with the wind blowing in the right direction.

The Mattseals have been practicing hard this off-season and they are coming together as a team. This revamped Mattseals team is young, hungry, and ready to change their previous image in the league. All the players are very well rounded and will be able to contribute something to each position. They are not afraid to critique each other in order to improve their game. There is a strong level of respect and motivation that will be the driving force behind the Mattseals this season. I am proud of what this team has to offer and I am excited to see us match up against the other great teams in the league this season.

Clear eyes, Full hearts, Can’t lose” – Coach Eric Taylor, 'Friday Night Lights'

Interviews with Your Co-Commissioners

Captains Corner
with David Buhr


Most of us have or have had dreams of making it big in some venue somewhere, whether it be sports, music, or television, we would like to have either the fame or the fortune, or both! Why? Because we're selfish, vain, egotistical human beings. As such, we also would love to have our story told by a famous journalist. Sure, I am neither famous nor am I wealthy, but I am here now to feed that egotistical nature, to ask questions about you, not just as a wiffleball player, but as a person as well.

Every couple of weeks I will be interviewing a player, starting with the captains of each team. The first to be interviewed are none other than your co-commissioners and co-captains of the Squirrels, Carl Coffee and Brandon Corbett.




Name: Carl Coffee Jr.
Birthdate: December 18, 1982
Height: Possibly 6 feet
Weight: I like food

1. What gave you the idea to start a Wiffleball League?

It was the only way I could get people to play with me. It's all here - http://wiffleinsemitheskinny.blogspot.com/2011/01/getting-wiffleball-in-palm-of-hand.html

2. How were you able to find people?

God Bless the Internet.

3. How did you come up with the name for your team?

Searched Minor League names, Flying Squirrels stood out.

4. What was your favorite sport growing up?

Baseball with Basketball a close 2nd

5. Favorite Hobby?

Throwing pennies away, SNES, claymation.

6. Were you ever given any cool or weird nicknames?

Triple C, Crazy Carl, Coff, Randy, Doug, The German Giraffe.

7. Ideally, where would you like to see WSEM in 5 years?

I hope it is in good hands. I have two years left in me to stay on as Commish, but hope to captain a team until my legs fall off. I also really hope we can be a top 5 league in the NWLA.

8. Have you ever had any unusual injuries?

You can't hurt me.

9. Since wiffleball is really a smaller scale baseball game, I'd like to ask you who is your favorite MLB player of all time?

90's- Cecil Fielder
00's- Pudge
10's- Cabrera

10. How do you feel about the trash talk that goes on in our league? Do you feel that it's good for the league? Or would you like it to be toned down some?

I hate when people get personal, i.e. making fun of someones appearance, grammar, etc. Trash talk in the field is awesome though!





Name: Brandon Reginald Barclay Corbett, Esq.
Birthdate: The near future
Height: Less than tall
Weight: 40 lb less than my license says

1. What gave you the idea to start a Wiffleball League?

I'm pretty sure I was hoodwinked into it... It wasn't so much wanting to start a Wiffleball league, but more just not wanting Carl to hurt himself. Having done it, though, I have to say the escapism and God-complex in crafting this surreal little nook of the world is pretty fantastic. Oh, and some of the guys are pretty classy dudes, too.

2. How were you able to find people?

It still amazes me that any people came out, and still come out. Early on it was a lot of high school friends, then slowly guys interested in Wiffle, like you and Chad, found us online; Carl's the one who has done almost all of the work when it comes to bringing in new people, but I do know that kidnapping has been very effective.

3. How did you come up with the name for your team?

Well, the London (OH) Tournament that got us started playing this game required teams to have MLB or MiLB team names, and Carl always brought the name back with him. First it was Lugnuts, then Jammers (Jamestown), and finally Flying Squirrels (Richmond). We always just looked for a silly kind of name for this silly kind of game. Squirrels seems to have stuck, though I am subtly trying to replace "Flying" with the abbreviated "F'ing" - you know, for class.

4. What was your favorite sport growing up?

Neighborhood-wide squirt gun fight / tag / capture the flag. More sportingly: lacrosse; nobody knew anything about it. It had mythical qualities.

5. Favorite Hobby?

Does making websites for silly things and going way over the top with them count as a hobby?

6. Were you ever given any cool or weird nicknames?

I wish. My compadres never got past the hockey nickname scheme: Corbs, Corby, etc. Want to bestow one on me now? ... Please?

7. Ideally, where would you like to see WSEM in 5 years?

Sixty strange guys in Chad's backyard having a barbecue. I'd be elated with that.

8. Have you ever had any unusual injuries?

I'm unbreakable, which is shocking since I hate milk.

9. Since wiffleball is really a smaller scale baseball game, I'd like to ask you who is your favorite MLB player of all time?

This is a hard one for me. I root more for the team than the guy in the jersey. I don't really care about the "old-timers" either; no personal investment in any of them. So, it comes down to guys who I just like (or liked) watching play. It has to be Rick "the Wild Thing" Vaughn.

10. How do you feel about the trash talk that goes on in our league? Do you feel that it's good for the league? Or would you like it to be toned down some?

As long as it is kept in a context related to the game it can be cool. Maybe throw in some "yo mama" jokes. When it spills over into personal lifestyle, means, etc. it becomes a problem. Two guys going back and forth ripping on each other's play or hair in the heat of the game can definitely add something to the competitive atmosphere. Obviously, not all sixty of us are going to be "tight bros," but we are all in this silly, little Wiffle community together. I'll steal GSWL's slogan, "a kid's game taken way too far," because I think it says it best; what we're doing out here really is reliving a childhood game and the excitement and fun that goes along with it by going over the top with things like a website, ridiculous articles and a podcast. None of us are world-beaters; we're going back to when baseball was larger than life for us, and we're trying our best to realize Wiffle in that larger than life way now.

A New Kind of Legend

Your Junk my Happy Zone
by Brandon Corbett


During Saturday’s 3-2 series win by the DeLoppes over the Squirrels the members of WSEM present were met with a moment of transcendence, one which fell just short of magic. Following twenty-three shutout innings pitched by Cliff Comstock and Austin Bischoff, the stars began to align after BJ Hoppe’s two-run home run in the bottom of the first inning put the DeLoppes ahead in the deciding game of the series. One by one the dragonflies broke their flutter and set down on bat knobs, back stops, and the sporadic taller blades of grass missed by the grounds crew. The gaggle of young toads, which had hopped around the field more often that day than Austin Bischoff kicked out bases on hard slides, now stood at attention. Friends, they felt that something big was about to happen.

Carl Coffee cast his eyes over the field, squinted, took a deep breath, cocked his bat, and stepped up to the plate for the Squirrels. A missile from the right hand of Chad Hoppe followed, passing mere inches from Carl’s head. The peanut gallery shouted oohs, aahs, and one distinct hell yeah! baby! The ball came to rest on the other side of the drainage ditch twenty yards away. Carl gave no reaction.


He then waved his bat in front of his hips, and unfurled two ponderous questions in succession: “you gonna throw the ball? You scared?” Chad stood perplexed, a hundred thoughts running through his head: was Carl taunting the veteran pitcher? Was the blistering sun getting to Coffee? Is Coffee really not better when served hot? Chad shook his head, steering his concentration to not let Carl get into his head. Hoppe then eased through his steady wind up, released the ball from a three-quarters arm slot, and dropped a patented “Broken Zipper” just under the zone; it could not have missed by more than half a centimeter! Carl Coffee stood statuesque. “Oh my God! How could you take that!” Bobby Hoppe exclaimed from right field, with the sentiment echoed by members of both teams. “Take what?” Carl deadpanned. Chad’s jaw dropped on the mound. Down by two runs, Coffee really was trying to show him up out there!

Hoppe stopped playing around. He stiffened his delivery, started a hard slider up and in, which cut sharply, like a German army through France, drilling the upper-inside corner of the zone, and actually sent splinters flying. Chad just stared a cold stare from the mound; so effective it actually got cold in Death Valley for a second, until Carl came through with the quote that restored temperatures to normal: “Wow! I really shouldn’t try to play without contacts in! That pitch sounded amazing; wish I’d been able to see it!” Laughter mixed with the restored croaks from toads and wisps of dragonfly wings, and below it all you could hear the beginning murmur of a legend coming to life:

“and look who's coming up. All year long, they looked to him to light the fire. All year long, he answered the demand; until he was physically unable to see tonight with two bad eyes: the only thing, getting through Chad Hoppe. And with two out, you talk about a roll of the dice. This is it!”


Endorsements Everywhere!

Your Junk my Happy Zone
by Brandon Corbett


With Brian Meyers of the KWL this morning breaking the story of commissioner Carl Coffee changing his name to "Maxwell House" as part of a sponsorship deal with the coffee company, now seems like the right time to come clean with all of the corporate endorsements that WSEM players have sullied the game with... I mean, have successfully gotten involved with to become household names, snag a little padding for their wallets, and grow the WSEM brand with consumers nationwide. [Full disclosure: Nationwide Insurance paid us handsomely for that spot.] Adam Grant has never been more proud of this league!




Alex Linebrink
Ray-Ban
Alex purchased his first pair of red lenses when trying out for the part of Cyclops in a local theatre's production of X-men. He did not land the part, but damn did he look good in the shades! He parlayed the confidence gained while wearing them into a fulfilling improv career, as well as a five-figure (if you count decimal places) endorsement deal with Ray-Ban when they took notice of his on-field swagger. Rating: Total swag!





Matt Murtha
Rip It
What's your best course of action when you make an energy drink that tastes awful and only gets drank when people don't have the 3 quarters and a nickle more it takes to buy something better? You hire a class act to be your spokesman! That is what Rip It did when they brought in Matt Murtha on an undisclosed deal, and their sales have increased three-fold! Now, with nine people drinking Rip It regularly, the company is looking to diversify its product line with a daily supplements series called "M-Train!"
Rating: All aboard!




Alex Shore
Apple iPhone
Some endorsements just seem so natural; Alex Shore will go Generation Y on your ass! Really, what better way to do that than with an iPhone and with the legion of young, Facebook-updating, Twitter-raging fans you get from appearing in Apple ads? By far the most lucrative deal struck yet by a WSEM player: four-figures up front, with a $500 bonus for every leaked sext message to or from a fan, along with a free phone to match every outfit in his wardrobe. You can count on this kind of money being thrown around to really drive up Shore's stock in free agency this off-season.
Rating: Game changer!







Brian Constanti
Cool Flo Elbo
The partnership between Brian and the surgeons behind Cool Flo Elbo is of the most symbiotic kind: Brian is given free experimental surgery to revolution his pitching, and the results - the resurgence of his dominance on the mound - say all they need to for the product. Cool Flo is an "advancement by simplification" of the technique used in the Easy Flow Elbow, mostly famously adorned in the arms of Bruce Willis and Romulox of the La Brea Tarpits. The wide range of movement the surgery grants to the arm gives more speed and nasty, unpredictable movement on pitches. It is, however, difficult to master use of the new joint: many practice sessions at home in front of the computer are prescribed to help the process. Wiffleball is an experimental game, so experimental surgeries seem right at home.
Rating: Bitchin'!

Coffee Time: London 2011

Coffee Time
by Carl Coffee



For the third straight year and the fifth time in history, Wiffle in Southeast Michigan will bring a team down to London, Ohio, to play in one of the largest slow pitch wiffleball tournaments in the world. Captain Carl Coffee decided awhile back that they would not participate in this years tournament because of the date coinciding with WSEM's final regular season weekend. After changing some dates around, he realized they could go to London.

This years tournament format is different than in years past. Every team will play four round robin games and then will be seeded in a single elimination playoff. The tournament schedule has not yet been released.

In 2004 & 2005, the boys from Downrver Wiffle were the Lugnuts. Tournament Director Brian Wheeler gave the Lugnuts franchise to another group of guys, so when they returned in 2009, they became the Jammers. The Jammers only lasted one year however, because in 2010 they became the Flying Squirrels. This year, they return as the Flying Squirrels and will wear their WSEM light blue jerseys. Here is a year by year look at our tournament records.

2004 Lugnuts: 3-3
2005 Lugnuts: 3-3
2009 Jammers: 6-2
2010 Flying Squirrels: 2-3
Overall: 14-11



Once again, the roster will be different than the year before. Meet the Squirrels!


#18 Carl Coffee C - P (5th Year)

Carl Coffee will be making his fifth trip to London. He has been the starting pitcher every year and he will once again hold that position. Carl's veteran leadership is vital this year because he has two rookies on his roster. Carl also brings a solid bat to the lineup and will bat 4th. He can hit to all fields, and thrives when runners are in scoring position.




#17 Brandon Corbett A - SS (4th Year)

Brandon Corbett is Carl's only returning player from last years 2-3 team. He has been a part of every London team except for the 2004 Lugnuts. Corbett is the teams shortstop and is a vacuum when ground balls are hit his way. As the teams best all around hitter, he will bat 3rd in the lineup. Corbett has the bat speed to rack up a high home run total.



#0 Chuck Sharkey - RF (2nd Year)

Chuck Sharkey will once again be joining the boys from Michigan. Chuck was an important part of the 2009 team that went 3-0 in round robin play, and then won three more games in the playoffs. Chuck is from the Boston area which is known to produce top notch wiffle talent. He now resides in Virginia, and is excited to return to London. Chuck knows how to get on base and move runners over, so he will bat 2nd. He also is a great defender and covers the field very well.




#5 Alex Shore - LF (1st Year)

Alex Shore will be making his first appearance at London this year. He is the captain of the Westside Warriors and is an important part of WSEM. Speed and baserunning have always been a problem for the Flying Squirrels, so Captain Carl Coffee recruited one of the fastest guys in WSEM. Alex will be asked to play the leftfield, the most important position in the tournament. He also is going to bat leadoff. Oh, and did I mention he is a lefty?



#24 Matt Murtha - UT (1st Year)

Matt Murtha has been a consistent part of the Flying Squirrels in WSEM. He also has tournament experience. In 2009, he participated in Wifflefest, which is an overhand medium pitch tournament near Chicago. Murtha can play any position so he will move around and sub in for the other players at their respective positions. Murtha is also strong pull hitter with good extra base power. He will bat 5th for the Flying Squirrels.