Plate Appearance Music

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

Nothing pumps you up to come through in the clutch like the perfect song booming out of the speakers at your home stadium joined by the thundering crowd as you step up to the plate. It’s grandiose, over the top and that is what it is all about! Make that one moment the most important, take it to a level that is… dare I say?… epic. A duel between you and the pitcher to bring your men home safe and win one for the good guys. Everything is cooler when you up its fantastic quality!

Now, obviously pressing play on a boombox for a five second walk to the plate every appearance in wiffle is going overboard. But what if we were to indulge the fantasy for a bit here and have some fun with our players, personalities, the common occurrences and frequent follies? What songs would make the perfect momentous or ridiculous plate appearance themes for WSEM’s players?

Note that I’m not saying these would make good themes just that they fit the player’s idiom.

“Unsung” – Helmet

Nick Braden

You’re a solid player, don’t let your team down on the field, put up good stats, and come through in the clutch, yet no one sings your praises. The life of the role player can be hard and unrewarding in the public eye, but damn can you still get a heavy theme song!

“I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor

Maclin Malloy

Mac fouls off pitches like nobody’s business; he won’t go down without a hell of a fight. While Cake’s remake of the song would be cooler, the ridiculous atmosphere of coming up to the plate with Gloria Gaynor blaring is just too perfect to pass up… and maybe it can knock the pitcher off his game.

“Don’t Lose my Number” – Phil Collins

Bobby Hoppe

The story behind this appearance theme comes from a facebook photo comment in which Bobby’s #9 is mocked and Bobby pleads his case that it was supposed to be #96! Not being given the right number is an even bigger slap in the face to role players everywhere than not getting your contributions talked up!

“Breaking Glass” – David Bowie

David Buhr

Have we run this broken glass story into the ground yet? Who cares!? I hope we do, because if we drive it into the ground we’ll be playing that card as hard David plays the game!

“The Perfect Song” – The National

Carl Coffee

This one is all about the album cover. What does that classy man in the pool have in his hand? That’s right: a wiffleball! Sun, pool, wiffle… Yeah, that sounds pretty damn perfect. Since Carl started the whole wiffle thing around here, we’ll give him the honor of basking in the glow!

“Facing the Firing Squad” – HiFi Handgrenades

Chris Lewis

Chris gets hit by more pitches than the rest of the league combined. He is a human ball magnet… meant in the best way possible. It has gotten to the point where he has started lighting up a cigarette and blindfolding himself before every at bat. True story.

“Bulldog Skin” – Guided by Voices

Alex Shore

Alex is the first Butler fan most of us have ever met, so he is pretty much the flesh and blood manifestation of a Butler Bulldog around the league. Besides, “I waited for a proud display. I played around. I heard the sound of certain trouble on the way . I got bulldog skin. I took a car. I drove it far,” are lyrics that fit kind of well with Shore, right?

“Bombs in the Distance” – The Holy Fire

Dennis Pearson

While a lot of the focus on Dennis is given (deservingly) to his pitching arm, he is also the only player to have hit multiple home runs during Spring Training this year. Missiles on the mound, and hitting bombs at the plate: Dennis is an arsenal.

“Rubber Band Man” – Detroit Spinners (as performed by Electric Six)

Chad Hoppe

Technically the phrase is “pulled the string,” but a rubber band’s elasticity is going to whip, snap, and make the ball dance even more. “You’re bound to lose control when the rubber band starts to jam,” watch batters take swings, they nearly fall out of their shoes! String is for baseball; Chad and a wiffleball take it to the next level: rubber.

“Quiet” – This will Destroy You

Joe Seto

Joe has played in two tournaments with us and has quietly put up very good numbers. He and his stats have gone largely unnoticed around the league, but that seems to go over fine with Joe: he won’t run his mouth, he’ll just let his production on the field speak for him.

One more, not for a plate appearance, but that could be blared during our fourth inning stretch as a league wide anthem:

“Born to Run” – K-oS

Because if you’re not running the bases, you’re not having half the fun you should be out there!

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Brandon Corbett
Flying Squirrels, 17, P
DJ Wiffy Wiff