Get into my Yard, III - The Westside Reservation

Your Junk my Happy Zone
by Brandon Corbett


When last we loitered on the land of others and littered it with lavish words it was at our southernmost field, Frenchtown Field in Monroe County. Today we stick with the "F," but flip the compass and travel to the most northern site to feature Wiffle in Southeast Michigan action: The Westside Reservation in Farmington. Carl and I were ecstatic when the Warriors announced mid-season that they were building a field, as that gave us fields in three counties! That is an impressive way to increase the size of your footprint.

The journey to getting the Westside Reservation built was not an easy one, however. The initial field location - a little league sized ballfield with a grass infield, benches, and a backstop - had to be abandoned due to conflicts with a home-owners association and painting lines on the field. Hey! Remember that "angry neighbors" stat from earlier this season? "Chalk" up a couple more for their mid-season resurgence! Never one to give up on his team or vision, Alex Shore, captain of the Warriors, had a back up plan ready to go no more than a day later it seemed. [Insert gag about Alex being quick at everything he does here.]

The second field location, the Reservation we all know and love (or hate), is located in the vacant back lot of a Church that is kind enough to let us park in their lot. According to Shore, the Church was excited that someone asked to do something with the land, as it usually just went used. The land itself is a hard, shallow clay surface with a slight roll in the infield, which makes for some interesting bounces on ground balls. While topography and ground conditions are unlikely to have been studied beforehand, this actually is something that plays into the Warriors aggressive style. Waiting back to field a ball can lead to mistakes, while charging in will limit the chances at the ball taking odd hops. Above ground the field is covered in fuller, nicer grass than other fields in the league. Note: I did not say longer. The Warriors do a good job making sure the field is cut into good playing condition before games. It is nice to have a playing surface that is not a putting green, like Frenchtown, a semi-arid savanna, like the Drey, or a jungle, like Lafayette.

One fault with the Reservation is a result of the hard ground. It is impossible to pound the stakes for the silt fence all the way into the ground, and there is a four to six inch gap left between the ground and bottom of the fence. When the first games were played ground-rule doubles were frequent. The problem was quickly rectified by instating a new ground rule: when the ball goes under the fence, the runners go back to the last base touched (excluding home-to-first, where the runner is given first). It is a fair solution that nullifies what would otherwise be an unavoidable, yet considerable problem with the field construction.

The fence is still the most talked about aspect of the Reservation. Although, with that ground rule in place, players are free to talk about the dimensions of the fence instead of how it sits. A topic much more baseball, and much more fun! The first build of the field had a fairly standard, elliptical outfield wall. However, with Shore being a lefty, so few other lefties in the league, and at least one team building their field to screw lefties, the Warriors redesigned the outfield wall to lefty-friendly accommodations. [Unfortunately, no pictures of the new dimensions are available.] There is a short-porch in right field approximately 60-65' down the line and running perpendicular through right-center, before jumping straight back to a deep center field estimated around 110', and coming around to a fairly average 85' down the left field line. Many opponents call bullshit on Shore's friendly confines, but hey, is that not why you build a home field? To have an advantage? To build to your strengths or opponents' weaknesses? As a righty who can only hit pull field and a fan of odd, extreme field design, I simultaneously bitch about the short porch because I cannot hit into it, and praise the clever creativity of the complete asymmetry and the huge leap in depth; my left brain hates it, my right brain cannot help but love it. The Reservation easily gets the award for "most off the wall wall!"

Every WSEM team but the DeLoppes made the trip to play at the Reservation this year. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. I am proud of Shore and the Warriors for putting it together, and of the Commandos, Ass Kickers, Git r' Done guys, Mattseals, Squirrels, and most of all the Belgian Wiffles for making the trip. More than what happens on the field, this league and this game as a whole is about giving guys the opportunity to make something: a field they can be proud of, or just a memory of a once-in-a-lifetime experience taking the team bus to Farmington to swing plastic on wacky dimensions behind a church. "Once" because the Warriors will not be returning to WSEM next year, as their roster is heading off to college. So, even if the home field advantage of the Westside Reservation could not get the Warriors past the Ass Kickers in the first-round in 2011, hopefully, "hey, remember that summer we were in a Wiffleball League together and built that awesome/ridiculous/ridculously awesome field?" will be a question asked to spark conversation by the 2011 Westside Warriors years down the road.

Here is a montage thrown together by their captain for Westside's 2011 season:
(It includes a few shots we do not have from around the Reservation.)

Endorsements Everywhere!

Your Junk my Happy Zone
by Brandon Corbett


With Brian Meyers of the KWL this morning breaking the story of commissioner Carl Coffee changing his name to "Maxwell House" as part of a sponsorship deal with the coffee company, now seems like the right time to come clean with all of the corporate endorsements that WSEM players have sullied the game with... I mean, have successfully gotten involved with to become household names, snag a little padding for their wallets, and grow the WSEM brand with consumers nationwide. [Full disclosure: Nationwide Insurance paid us handsomely for that spot.] Adam Grant has never been more proud of this league!




Alex Linebrink
Ray-Ban
Alex purchased his first pair of red lenses when trying out for the part of Cyclops in a local theatre's production of X-men. He did not land the part, but damn did he look good in the shades! He parlayed the confidence gained while wearing them into a fulfilling improv career, as well as a five-figure (if you count decimal places) endorsement deal with Ray-Ban when they took notice of his on-field swagger. Rating: Total swag!





Matt Murtha
Rip It
What's your best course of action when you make an energy drink that tastes awful and only gets drank when people don't have the 3 quarters and a nickle more it takes to buy something better? You hire a class act to be your spokesman! That is what Rip It did when they brought in Matt Murtha on an undisclosed deal, and their sales have increased three-fold! Now, with nine people drinking Rip It regularly, the company is looking to diversify its product line with a daily supplements series called "M-Train!"
Rating: All aboard!




Alex Shore
Apple iPhone
Some endorsements just seem so natural; Alex Shore will go Generation Y on your ass! Really, what better way to do that than with an iPhone and with the legion of young, Facebook-updating, Twitter-raging fans you get from appearing in Apple ads? By far the most lucrative deal struck yet by a WSEM player: four-figures up front, with a $500 bonus for every leaked sext message to or from a fan, along with a free phone to match every outfit in his wardrobe. You can count on this kind of money being thrown around to really drive up Shore's stock in free agency this off-season.
Rating: Game changer!







Brian Constanti
Cool Flo Elbo
The partnership between Brian and the surgeons behind Cool Flo Elbo is of the most symbiotic kind: Brian is given free experimental surgery to revolution his pitching, and the results - the resurgence of his dominance on the mound - say all they need to for the product. Cool Flo is an "advancement by simplification" of the technique used in the Easy Flow Elbow, mostly famously adorned in the arms of Bruce Willis and Romulox of the La Brea Tarpits. The wide range of movement the surgery grants to the arm gives more speed and nasty, unpredictable movement on pitches. It is, however, difficult to master use of the new joint: many practice sessions at home in front of the computer are prescribed to help the process. Wiffleball is an experimental game, so experimental surgeries seem right at home.
Rating: Bitchin'!

In the Cards #6: Matt Murtha


In the Cards #6: Matt Murtha
Flying Squirrels


Matt "Murphy" Murtha, "the M-train," and we can probably add "Jim Morrison" and "Michael Jackson" to his list of nicknames while we're at it, has more than just killer pseudonyms going for him. For starters he is the perfect team player: able to play any position, including pitcher, and bat anywhere in the lineup for power or as a table setter. Similarly, his conversation skills are unparalleled, as there is no limit to walk Matt can and will talk about at length. Whether on or just around the field Murtha is one of those guys that brings out the fun in the game.

Long before he was the "M-train," we first met Matt when he tagged along with John Ferry of the Detroit Isotopes to play some pick up games in 2009. This was the first time we had run into other guys who already played the game, and thought this might be the start of wiffle taking off in SE Michigan. Turns out Ferry was a bit too much of a character to work with, but we kept in touch with Murtha. In our 2009 Rally Around the Flag-a-Palooza Matt played with David Buhr's Belgian Wiffles and, despite a tough outing for the team, kept coming back whenever we called him. His reliability and steady play paved the way for him joining the Squirrels in 2010, where he has played ever since.

Matt "Jim Morrison" Murtha's strongest asset on the field doesn't come in one category; it's not his bat, his arm, or his speed, rather a combination of everything. He is a captain's dream in that you can put him any position or slot in the order and he will be serviceable and give a solid performance; heck, he doesn't even care when you ask him to sit out. He may not make extravagant diving plays in the field, but he isn't going to misplay many balls either. As a pitcher his lethal trait is his accuracy: 51 K and just 14 BB in 30.1 IP, or a 3.64 K/BB ratio. He doesn't have huge movement or speed, but he rarely walks batters and forces them to swing at well located pitches for outs or swing through them with the cut he does have on his pitch.

Offensively "Murphy" possesses good pull field power, as well as the oft-overlooked ability to simply make solid contact. His numbers this season (3 HR, 9 2B, .219 AVG, .377 SLG) are lower than his performance really deserves. He does not get the weak, short infield singles that most other batters do. Everything off Matt's bat is hit hard and, unfortunately this season, often at someone, giving the defense the ability to make the play on him. Perhaps it is from his day (and night) job working the numbers at a lumber yard where Matt brings the big stick and burst of power off of his bat. Or is it that glove he wears when he bats?

One thing just about everyone who shares the field with Matt "Michael Jackson" Murtha notices is the batting or golf glove he usually wears at the plate. They notice, and they poke at it, but Murtha isn't phased by any of it. He can take it and wait for the perfect time to pay it back. The M-train is thick skinned. Not callused, although that is the prevailing thought as to why the glove helps him with a more comfortable grip. Still, the glove always rouses comments and questions from both the peanut gallery and opponents alike: "Why? What does it do?" ... "Wow! I've never seen that!" ... "Does it really help?" ... "What the hell? A batting glove?!" ... "What are you hiding under there?"

Maybe there is something to that last, seemingly joking probe. On various occasions the glove has shown that it has a life, and mind, of its own – its own will. Is it possible that the glove is one of the nicknames? Most likely “Murphy,” the one that goes back the longest. Maybe "Murphy" is not a nickname at all, rather some other Wiffle loving consciousness that has affixed itself to Murtha’s wrist just to get its Wiffle fix? You never know. Symbiotic nonsense could explain how Matt can go from that cool, confidently calm persona seen on the front of his card above to penis jokes and escapades of man love seconds later: aka, "Mmmm. The perfect sandwich." And there we go, another nickname!

His passion for playing the game, easy going attitude, timely mischief in the moment, along with the ability to engage and entertain any company in any context unequivocally makes Matt "Mmmm" Murtha the poster child for Wiffler's everywhere.


Matt's 2011 regular season stats and glove on the back of his card:

John "Going Down" Hill

Your Junk my Happy Zone
by Brandon Corbett


John Hill, the voice of WSEM, abandoned us for Texas earlier this season. As if leaving us without his magical vocal chords was not hard enough, we saw Mr. Hill (yes only "saw," as he would not grace us with even a passing fix of his angelic tenor) in London, OH this past weekend and it has come to our attention that he has gotten involved in far more despicable things. 1) He has started taking steroids! To his credit, and that of the manufacturer, they have done amazing work in a short period of time: bumping up a shirt size, at least three pant sizes, as well as a few hat sizes, which brings us to John's second Texas-driven indiscretion. 2) He is wearing baseball caps with a flat-brim! Intolerable, John Hill! Unless you are just going for ironic social commentary. Still this pales in comparison to the third, truly ultimate crime against everything decent. 3) John Hill joined the Yankees! The Yankees?!? How? Why? Is he being blackmailed? Has he been put in witness protection? Is Texas water that badly tainted?

Oh, John Hill, what has Texas done to you?

Coffee Time: London 2011

Coffee Time
by Carl Coffee



For the third straight year and the fifth time in history, Wiffle in Southeast Michigan will bring a team down to London, Ohio, to play in one of the largest slow pitch wiffleball tournaments in the world. Captain Carl Coffee decided awhile back that they would not participate in this years tournament because of the date coinciding with WSEM's final regular season weekend. After changing some dates around, he realized they could go to London.

This years tournament format is different than in years past. Every team will play four round robin games and then will be seeded in a single elimination playoff. The tournament schedule has not yet been released.

In 2004 & 2005, the boys from Downrver Wiffle were the Lugnuts. Tournament Director Brian Wheeler gave the Lugnuts franchise to another group of guys, so when they returned in 2009, they became the Jammers. The Jammers only lasted one year however, because in 2010 they became the Flying Squirrels. This year, they return as the Flying Squirrels and will wear their WSEM light blue jerseys. Here is a year by year look at our tournament records.

2004 Lugnuts: 3-3
2005 Lugnuts: 3-3
2009 Jammers: 6-2
2010 Flying Squirrels: 2-3
Overall: 14-11



Once again, the roster will be different than the year before. Meet the Squirrels!


#18 Carl Coffee C - P (5th Year)

Carl Coffee will be making his fifth trip to London. He has been the starting pitcher every year and he will once again hold that position. Carl's veteran leadership is vital this year because he has two rookies on his roster. Carl also brings a solid bat to the lineup and will bat 4th. He can hit to all fields, and thrives when runners are in scoring position.




#17 Brandon Corbett A - SS (4th Year)

Brandon Corbett is Carl's only returning player from last years 2-3 team. He has been a part of every London team except for the 2004 Lugnuts. Corbett is the teams shortstop and is a vacuum when ground balls are hit his way. As the teams best all around hitter, he will bat 3rd in the lineup. Corbett has the bat speed to rack up a high home run total.



#0 Chuck Sharkey - RF (2nd Year)

Chuck Sharkey will once again be joining the boys from Michigan. Chuck was an important part of the 2009 team that went 3-0 in round robin play, and then won three more games in the playoffs. Chuck is from the Boston area which is known to produce top notch wiffle talent. He now resides in Virginia, and is excited to return to London. Chuck knows how to get on base and move runners over, so he will bat 2nd. He also is a great defender and covers the field very well.




#5 Alex Shore - LF (1st Year)

Alex Shore will be making his first appearance at London this year. He is the captain of the Westside Warriors and is an important part of WSEM. Speed and baserunning have always been a problem for the Flying Squirrels, so Captain Carl Coffee recruited one of the fastest guys in WSEM. Alex will be asked to play the leftfield, the most important position in the tournament. He also is going to bat leadoff. Oh, and did I mention he is a lefty?



#24 Matt Murtha - UT (1st Year)

Matt Murtha has been a consistent part of the Flying Squirrels in WSEM. He also has tournament experience. In 2009, he participated in Wifflefest, which is an overhand medium pitch tournament near Chicago. Murtha can play any position so he will move around and sub in for the other players at their respective positions. Murtha is also strong pull hitter with good extra base power. He will bat 5th for the Flying Squirrels.

Off to the Races

Your Junk my Happy Zone
by Brandon Corbett


Under two weeks remain in the 2011 WSEM regular season, and the races for first round home field advantage are sufficiently heated up. On July 23rd or 24th each first round three game series will be played in its entirety at the home field of the higher seed (one through four). There is a large spread in the number of games yet to be played by teams, anywhere between one and twelve, so there is quite literally a lot at play still in these races. Let's start at the top, but first a shout out to the only team mathematically eliminated: keep your heads up 'Seals! You're not stuck in the cellar just yet!


The Race for
1st / 2nd

TeamCurrentLowestExpectedHighest
Git r' Done14 - 214 - 1424 - 426 - 2
Wiffling DeLoppes19 - 519 - 923 - 523 - 5

Games remaining:
GD: CC x 4 ... JM x 2 ... AK x 2 ... WD x 2 ... WW x 2
WD: AK x 2 ... GD x 2

Tie breakers: (currently)
Head-to-head: series tied 1-1
Run differential: WD (+123) … GD (+65)

The DeLoppes and Git r' Done will meet on the final day of the season (7/17) in a tri-meet with the Ass Kickers, and I fully expect the DeLoppes to win both games. The DeLoppes are the better team, but that doesn't mean they will win the pennant. Git r' Done will need to slip up and take a loss against one of their other opponents (Warriors or Ass Kickers would be the likelier candidates) in order for the DeLoppes to win the pennant and number-one seed; the DeLoppes would hold both tie breakers with wins in the head-to-head series. Git r' Done holds their fate in their own hands, though: if they take care of business, the pennant and top seed are theirs.


The Race for
3rd / 4th

TeamCurrentLowestExpectedHighest
Westside Warriors12 - 1012 - 1615 - 1318 - 10
Flying Squirrels12 - 1212 - 1614 - 1416 - 12
Belgian Wiffles *12 - 1512-1613 - 1513 - 15
Ass Kickers7 - 137 - 2110 - 1815 - 13
Campus Commandos6 - 116 - 228 - 2017 - 11

Games remaining:
WW: AK x 2 ... FS x 2 ... GD x 2
FS: CC x 2 ... WW x 2
BW: CC x 1
AK: CC x 2 ... GD x 2 ... WW x 2 ... WD x 2
CC: GD x 4 ... BW x 1 ... FS x 2 ... JM x 2 ... AK x2

Tie breakers: (currently)

Head-to-Head:
WW: over BW and CC … even (1-1) FS and AK
FS: over BW and AK … even (1-1) WW and CC
CC: over (2-0) AK … even (1-1) FS
AK: over BW … even (1-1) WW
BW: over CC 000 * eliminated from 3rd by WW or FS guaranteed 13 wins + tiebreaker

Run Differential:
BW (+8) … AK (-3) … WW (-9) … FS (-25) … CC (-45)

There are a lot of games to play and a lot can happen still in these races. In fact Git r' Done could fall to third, fourth, or even out of the home-field advantage places, but c'mon... let's be real; that won't happen. The most scoreboard watching over the final weeks will be done by the Belgian Wiffles. They have one game left to play, a game they need to win, and then will have to hope other teams lose in order to get one of the top four seeds and home field advantage. Belgian can at best place fourth, since both the Warriors and Squirrels hold the head-to-head tie breaker over them and at least one of those teams is guaranteed to end up with at least 13 wins, as well. It's a long shot for Belgian, but hey, it's a shot.

Over the next three days we'll watch the Commandos fate play out. They are playing nine games this weekend, all of their remaining schedule, besides two against the Ass Kickers. Not to be a harbinger... but it looks ominous. First of all, nine games in a weekend is a heavy load and they'll be tired and sore probably by Saturday morning. They'll also be on the road for the second two days, which will even further hinder their chances of success. Even the games against the Mattseals aren't easy victories to pencil in at this point with Hewlett on the mound. The Commandos have put together a better season than expected, but this weekend will silence any premature stories of their Cinderella run to the top.

The Ass Kickers big obstacle to overcome is actually two very large hurdles: Git r' Done and the DeLoppes. Four games, half of their remaining schedule and games they really need to put in the win column, against the two best teams. If they are unable to muscle away at least two wins in those series, then they'll be out of the running for home field advantage with 17 losses. You know what they say, though: if you want to be the best, you have to beat the best.

More than likely third and fourth place will belong to the Warriors and Squirrels, respectively. Both teams can play .500 ball the rest of the way and still coast into those spots fairly comfortably; sparing, of course, a wild late season run from one of the teams previously mentioned. Aside from two games head-to-head, the Warriors have the harder schedule: Git r' Done and the Ass Kickers. The Squirrels have only two other games against the Commandos amid their marathon-like sprint. What that means is when the Warriors and Squirrels meet up for two games in Farmington on the 13th that series has the potential to be a big one: possibly determining the third and fourth seeds going into the playoffs.

Get Out of my Dreams, Into my Yard - Frenchtown

Your Junk my Happy Zone
by Brandon Corbett



We're back traveling around the fields of WSEM! Today we find ourselves in Frenchtown, MI to take a look at the aptly named Frenchtown Field. Located on the southeast corner of Chad Hoppe's yard, Frenchtown Field is the only WSEM field constructed on private property, giving it some obvious advantages over the rest of the field (pun intended). Chad's yard was also responsible for the field's original name, Hoppe's Field, but that was changed to Frenchtown Field by Week 2. Subsequently, change, or more accurately "evolution," has been a key ingredient to what makes Frenchtown Field the stalwart workhorse it has been for WSEM.

Seemingly every week Chad has found ways to tweak the field and continually make improvements, both small and large. During the Spring events and into Week 1 a single level of orange snow fencing stretched from left-center through right field in front of the woods, with doubled up snow fencing along the split-rail fence in left. Almost immediately Chad doubled up the snow fencing to accomplish two things: make home runs tougher, and prevent people from breaking the fence with over-aggressive rob attempts. Doubling up the fence to between six and eight feet also makes the field look regal, permanent, official, and all around awesome. A neat, very unique feature of the Frenchtown Field fence is the "camera well" in the left center power alley. To my knowledge a ball has not escaped through this gap yet, but it definitely presents a target for right-handed swingers. Plus, it makes for a sweet place to watch the action!


A second somewhat divisive, completely unique addition to Frenchtown Field also comes out of the need to keep the field in good condition. Of course, I am talking about the actual pitchers' mound! With holes constantly being dug delivery afeter delivery and subsequently having to be filled in again and again Chad and his brothers decided to stay out in front of the problem. They wheelbarrow over dirt from the plentiful surrounding farmland to fill in the batters' boxes and more impressively sculpt an eight-inch pitchers' mound to limit the negative effects of divots left behind. Some pitchers love the effects of pitching off the mound, specifically those whose repertoire includes a riser. Others hate throwing off the bump after being unable to adjust their pitching style accordingly. Either way it makes itself known and Frenchtown memorable to all the WSEM pitchers, which is good for clout and a lasting place in league lore.

One of the other most obvious modifications to the field is the strike zone. Original slated to receive one of the metal staked boards, Chad went with a much more permanent idea before the Spring Tournament. The unique, immovable feature captures Chad and the DeLoppes' "never go away" attitude toward wiffleball and serves as a microcosm for Frenchtown's stalwart service to WSEM.


Being readily available for games via Chad's generosity, Frenchtown has been a workhorse handling the bulk of WSEM games early in the season. While other fields have to wait for schools to let out for summer or deal with other events on public property, Frenchtown is perched ready and waiting only for us. Being on private property has plenty of other benefits, too. Plenty of seating and options for shade, spur of the moment solutions, a relaxed atmosphere, the freedom to make an ass of yourself... None, however, above simply having the ability to try new things and make the continued improvements that Chad has done.

Frenchtown Field is positioned to play very well. Center field is WSW of home plate and additionally the treeline behind center and right field blocks most wind. Any wind that does come usually is then from the south: in from left field, resulting in good pitching conditions and little help to home runs. Ground balls play very fast, and the choppy "grass" can make for tricky hops. So, there are many opportunities to leg out base hits. The quick, uneven turf has created the "Frenchtown Special:" a frequent phenomenon of foul balls rolling back fair or little dribblers just sneaking across the dead ball line, also known as "walking the dog." Frenchtown keeps fielders on their toes at all times.


In the same way the continual improvements keep the rest of the league on their toes with their own fields. Whether it be with better construction materials, like an improved new backstop [1st (tarp), 2nd (snow fence), 3rd (less obstructive wire fence)], or as simple as better, brighter line painting, including the aesthetic touch of a 'WD' in front of home plate, Frenchtown Field pushes all the other fields in WSEM to be better. Some may gripe under their breath about "Frenchtown Specials" and how the ground physically plays at Frenchtown, but it cannot be denied that the field's creation and upkeep has made for better game play around the league.