Endorsements Everywhere!

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

With Brian Meyers of the KWL this morning breaking the story of commissioner Carl Coffee changing his name to "Maxwell House" as part of a sponsorship deal with the coffee company, now seems like the right time to come clean with all of the corporate endorsements that WSEM players have sullied the game with... I mean, have successfully gotten involved with to become household names, snag a little padding for their wallets, and grow the WSEM brand with consumers nationwide. [Full disclosure: Nationwide Insurance paid us handsomely for that spot.] Adam Grant has never been more proud of this league!

Alex Linebrink
Ray-Ban

Alex purchased his first pair of red lenses when trying out for the part of Cyclops in a local theatre's production of X-men. He did not land the part, but damn did he look good in the shades! He parlayed the confidence gained while wearing them into a fulfilling improv career, as well as a five-figure (if you count decimal places) endorsement deal with Ray-Ban when they took notice of his on-field swagger. Rating: Total swag!

Matt Murtha
Rip It

What's your best course of action when you make an energy drink that tastes awful and only gets drank when people don't have the 3 quarters and a nickle more it takes to buy something better? You hire a class act to be your spokesman! That is what Rip It did when they brought in Matt Murtha on an undisclosed deal, and their sales have increased three-fold! Now, with nine people drinking Rip It regularly, the company is looking to diversify its product line with a daily supplements series called "M-Train!"
Rating: All aboard!

Alex Shore
Apple iPhone

Some endorsements just seem so natural; Alex Shore will go Generation Y on your ass! Really, what better way to do that than with an iPhone and with the legion of young, Facebook-updating, Twitter-raging fans you get from appearing in Apple ads? By far the most lucrative deal struck yet by a WSEM player: four-figures up front, with a $500 bonus for every leaked sext message to or from a fan, along with a free phone to match every outfit in his wardrobe. You can count on this kind of money being thrown around to really drive up Shore's stock in free agency this off-season.
Rating: Game changer!

Brian Constanti
Cool Flo Elbo

The partnership between Brian and the surgeons behind Cool Flo Elbo is of the most symbiotic kind: Brian is given free experimental surgery to revolution his pitching, and the results - the resurgence of his dominance on the mound - say all they need to for the product. Cool Flo is an "advancement by simplification" of the technique used in the Easy Flow Elbow, mostly famously adorned in the arms of Bruce Willis and Romulox of the La Brea Tarpits. The wide range of movement the surgery grants to the arm gives more speed and nasty, unpredictable movement on pitches. It is, however, difficult to master use of the new joint: many practice sessions at home in front of the computer are prescribed to help the process. Wiffleball is an experimental game, so experimental surgeries seem right at home.
Rating: Bitchin'!

In the Cards #6: Matt Murtha

In the Cards #6: Matt Murtha
Flying Squirrels

Matt "Murphy" Murtha, "the M-train," and we can probably add "Jim Morrison" and "Michael Jackson" to his list of nicknames while we're at it, has more than just killer pseudonyms going for him. For starters he is the perfect team player: able to play any position, including pitcher, and bat anywhere in the lineup for power or as a table setter. Similarly, his conversation skills are unparalleled, as there is no limit to walk Matt can and will talk about at length. Whether on or just around the field Murtha is one of those guys that brings out the fun in the game.

Long before he was the "M-train," we first met Matt when he tagged along with John Ferry of the Detroit Isotopes to play some pick up games in 2009. This was the first time we had run into other guys who already played the game, and thought this might be the start of wiffle taking off in SE Michigan. Turns out Ferry was a bit too much of a character to work with, but we kept in touch with Murtha. In our 2009 Rally Around the Flag-a-Palooza Matt played with David Buhr's Belgian Wiffles and, despite a tough outing for the team, kept coming back whenever we called him. His reliability and steady play paved the way for him joining the Squirrels in 2010, where he has played ever since.

Matt "Jim Morrison" Murtha's strongest asset on the field doesn't come in one category; it's not his bat, his arm, or his speed, rather a combination of everything. He is a captain's dream in that you can put him any position or slot in the order and he will be serviceable and give a solid performance; heck, he doesn't even care when you ask him to sit out. He may not make extravagant diving plays in the field, but he isn't going to misplay many balls either. As a pitcher his lethal trait is his accuracy: 51 K and just 14 BB in 30.1 IP, or a 3.64 K/BB ratio. He doesn't have huge movement or speed, but he rarely walks batters and forces them to swing at well located pitches for outs or swing through them with the cut he does have on his pitch.

Offensively "Murphy" possesses good pull field power, as well as the oft-overlooked ability to simply make solid contact. His numbers this season (3 HR, 9 2B, .219 AVG, .377 SLG) are lower than his performance really deserves. He does not get the weak, short infield singles that most other batters do. Everything off Matt's bat is hit hard and, unfortunately this season, often at someone, giving the defense the ability to make the play on him. Perhaps it is from his day (and night) job working the numbers at a lumber yard where Matt brings the big stick and burst of power off of his bat. Or is it that glove he wears when he bats?

One thing just about everyone who shares the field with Matt "Michael Jackson" Murtha notices is the batting or golf glove he usually wears at the plate. They notice, and they poke at it, but Murtha isn't phased by any of it. He can take it and wait for the perfect time to pay it back. The M-train is thick skinned. Not callused, although that is the prevailing thought as to why the glove helps him with a more comfortable grip. Still, the glove always rouses comments and questions from both the peanut gallery and opponents alike: "Why? What does it do?" ... "Wow! I've never seen that!" ... "Does it really help?" ... "What the hell? A batting glove?!" ... "What are you hiding under there?"

Maybe there is something to that last, seemingly joking probe. On various occasions the glove has shown that it has a life, and mind, of its own – its own will. Is it possible that the glove is one of the nicknames? Most likely “Murphy,” the one that goes back the longest. Maybe "Murphy" is not a nickname at all, rather some other Wiffle loving consciousness that has affixed itself to Murtha’s wrist just to get its Wiffle fix? You never know. Symbiotic nonsense could explain how Matt can go from that cool, confidently calm persona seen on the front of his card above to penis jokes and escapades of man love seconds later: aka, "Mmmm. The perfect sandwich." And there we go, another nickname!

His passion for playing the game, easy going attitude, timely mischief in the moment, along with the ability to engage and entertain any company in any context unequivocally makes Matt "Mmmm" Murtha the poster child for Wiffler's everywhere.

Matt's 2011 regular season stats and glove on the back of his card:

Coffee Time: London 2011

		Coffee Time
		by Carl Coffee

For the third straight year and the fifth time in history, Wiffle in Southeast Michigan will bring a team down to London, Ohio, to play in one of the largest slow pitch wiffleball tournaments in the world. Captain Carl Coffee decided awhile back that they would not participate in this years tournament because of the date coinciding with WSEM's final regular season weekend. After changing some dates around, he realized they could go to London.

This years tournament format is different than in years past. Every team will play four round robin games and then will be seeded in a single elimination playoff. The tournament schedule has not yet been released.

In 2004 & 2005, the boys from Downrver Wiffle were the Lugnuts. Tournament Director Brian Wheeler gave the Lugnuts franchise to another group of guys, so when they returned in 2009, they became the Jammers. The Jammers only lasted one year however, because in 2010 they became the Flying Squirrels. This year, they return as the Flying Squirrels and will wear their WSEM light blue jerseys. Here is a year by year look at our tournament records.

2004 Lugnuts: 3-3
2005 Lugnuts: 3-3
2009 Jammers: 6-2
2010 Flying Squirrels: 2-3
Overall: 14-11



Once again, the roster will be different than the year before. Meet the Squirrels!


#18 Carl Coffee ^C - P (5th Year)

Carl Coffee will be making his fifth trip to London. He has been the starting pitcher every year and he will once again hold that position. Carl's veteran leadership is vital this year because he has two rookies on his roster. Carl also brings a solid bat to the lineup and will bat 4th. He can hit to all fields, and thrives when runners are in scoring position.




#17 Brandon Corbett ^A - SS (4th Year)

Brandon Corbett is Carl's only returning player from last years 2-3 team. He has been a part of every London team except for the 2004 Lugnuts. Corbett is the teams shortstop and is a vacuum when ground balls are hit his way. As the teams best all around hitter, he will bat 3rd in the lineup. Corbett has the bat speed to rack up a high home run total.



#0 Chuck Sharkey - RF (2nd Year)

Chuck Sharkey will once again be joining the boys from Michigan. Chuck was an important part of the 2009 team that went 3-0 in round robin play, and then won three more games in the playoffs. Chuck is from the Boston area which is known to produce top notch wiffle talent. He now resides in Virginia, and is excited to return to London. Chuck knows how to get on base and move runners over, so he will bat 2nd. He also is a great defender and covers the field very well.




#5 Alex Shore - LF (1st Year)

Alex Shore will be making his first appearance at London this year. He is the captain of the Westside Warriors and is an important part of WSEM. Speed and baserunning have always been a problem for the Flying Squirrels, so Captain Carl Coffee recruited one of the fastest guys in WSEM. Alex will be asked to play the leftfield, the most important position in the tournament. He also is going to bat leadoff. Oh, and did I mention he is a lefty?



#24 Matt Murtha - UT (1st Year)

Matt Murtha has been a consistent part of the Flying Squirrels in WSEM. He also has tournament experience. In 2009, he participated in Wifflefest, which is an overhand medium pitch tournament near Chicago. Murtha can play any position so he will move around and sub in for the other players at their respective positions. Murtha is also strong pull hitter with good extra base power. He will bat 5th for the Flying Squirrels.