News Conference: Commandos Call in the Cavalry!

Adam Grant  at the podium

Campus Commandos suffered a few rough losses this season. Never one to let my team go down for the count, I had a plan to lead us to the biggest upset in wiffleball history. Armed with a winning attitude –– and a new haircut to match –– I set out to turn our team around.

Campus Commandos needed a boost. We are a big market team that has fans that aren’t afraid to let management know it wants wins. We have a field similar to Fenway that is historic yet falling apart. After all it was built in 1956 and deemed a United States historic district. Look it up! The uniforms were phase 1 of my plan. That sparked merchandise sales to put gas in the tank to go on a recruiting road trip.

Grant parades out his new signings, Mott (left) and Mitchell (right)

I found the one-two punch we needed in an unlikely place: the football field.

One look at Andrew Mott and Marty Mitchell, and I knew we could skip tryouts. I felt like Don King watching “The Greatest” walking into the ring. Rumbbbble in the Jungle. Thrilla in Manilla. Be a part of history.

Now making his way to the ring, at 6’0”, weighing in at 181 lbs and hailing from Paulding, OH...Andrew “The Bonfire” Mott! Andrew was named First-Team All-Northwest Ohio and was tabbed as the area’s best wide receiver by the Van Wert Voice.

And from the red corner, at 6’1” and weighing in at 208 lbs, he hails from Dearborn, MI...Marty “The Rival” Mitchell! Marty is currently a student at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, PA. In high school, he was ranked as the #5 QB in the state of Michigan by rivals.com.

Andrew and Marty led Campus Commandos to three straight wins last weekend. Our once-lackluster lineup is now a force to be reckoned with, and we’re heading into the playoffs with fresh, hungry talent. (Note: In order to avoid going over the CAP, the Commandos have released Dan Egan.)

The gauntlet has been thrown.

In the Cards '12 #3: Josh Nagorski

In the Cards '12  #3:  Josh Nagorski
Thunder Ducks

Josh Nagorski lives in the shadows, figuratively, and he has no shadow, literally. He lost it in a game of RoShamBo with Peter Pan; although, admittedly Josh should have recognized Pan would pull scissors. Josh is not bothered by the missing shadow as it makes stealth much easier, thus assisting in his ninja training. It has put a quick stop to his highly entertaining puppet theater side-show, however. None of that is here nor there, though, so back to living figuratively in the shadows.

That is a consequence of playing on a team with the D & D boys. Dennis' cannon and Dylan's boomstick are a gravity well for commentary and awe, and the big news from the team in the offseason was the signing of Lewis. Therefore, much of what Gorski brings to the team goes unnoticed around the league. This is in harmony with his ninja persona, however, and he is able to get the jump on unsuspecting pitchers.

It may surprise many that Naggie has actually taken over much of the Thunder Duck operations. He is the one who spearheaded the renaming of the team, for one. Many scheduling requests are funneled through him, for two. He also made the finishing touches to his 00 on the outfield wall at The Swamp. The Ducks have since started the tradition of caressing and pinching them after wins; the MVP finishes off the celebration with some motorboat action.

Oh yeah, and in addition to all of that Gorski can play a little ball! This season, in fewer at bats, Josh has already surpassed his extra-base hits from 2011, including getting his first home run, and has matched his BB and RBI totals from the prior season. He is trending toward the clutch-hitter that he was during last year's playoffs. His AVG may be a bit down, but at .286 is second best on the reigning champion roster, and he is tied for their hit lead with eight. His SLG% is .113 higher than he has ever hit before, which shows he is developing as a Wiffleball hitter and figuring out opposing pitchers. If he settles into this trend as a player, he will be out of the shadows soon and making noise for years to come.

Season	AB	H	BB	R	2B	HR	RBI	AVG	OBP	SLG
2012 to date	28	8	5	5	2	1	3	.286	.394	.464
2011	37	12	5	6	1	0	3	.324	.395	.351
2011 playoffs	46	14	0	1	1	0	3	.304	.304	.326

Awards Watch

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

With the season rounding into the home-stretch and All-Star voting opening earlier this week it seems like a good time to take a look at who might be in line to win what awards around the league. This article will highlight a couple of the prime ones and name a few players who have a shot at taking home the honor, then next week we will take a look at a few more. Without any further ado... let's see what's good!

Texas Ranger

First up, the coveted award for the most walked player in the league. Last season their was a tie for the top spot with 40, shared by Brian Constanti and Adam Grant. Who looks in line to take it in 2012?

1) Adam Grant No surprise. In WSEM we spell walk A-D-A-M. With 17 BB in 10 GP there is no reason to doubt Adam's ability to once again claim the Texas Ranger. The Commandos have 14 games remaining, projecting an additional 24 BB for Adam: 38 total. Additionally, 4 of those games are facing the often wild pitchers of King Friday. So, that number may come in even higher.

2) Carl Coffee Carl currently leads the league with 22 BB. However, he only has 0 games left to play, and is averaging 1.22 BB/G; seeing him projected to end the season with 34 BB. He has publicly stated he wants this one, though, so you may see him step up and keep that bat on his shoulder with a good playoff berth all but locked up.

3) Joe Crozier A lot of room for movement here. Joel and the Aces have 16 games remaining on the schedule. He has 14 BB in 12 games for an average of 1.17 per game. Extrapolated over the remaining schedule, that gives him an additional 19 BB, for 33 total.

Honorable Possible: Mike Myers Mike is averaging 1.19 BB/G, currently third with 19 BB in 16 GP. The Mattseals have just 8 games remaining, including games against Whiteford and Manchester, that will make it difficult to match the mid-to-high thirties that Coffee and Grant are capable of putting up. If Mike continues on pace, he will get 10 more walks, leaving him at 29 BB on the season.

Blood Test Pending Home Run King

Next, who is swinging the big sticks? Stroking the long balls? Who are we going to have to take blood and urine samples from? Are we going to forget those on a desk over the weekend? That is getting complicated. Let us just look at who is making the bid for royalty.

1) Austin Bischoff Austin currently leads the league with 5 HR and has sixteen games still to play, twelve of which will be played at his friendly confines, Poolside Park, where he has hit three of his home runs. With only two games remaining on a field larger than a bandbox, the smart money is on his current average of a home run hit every 2.4 games becoming much more frequent and Austin finishing the season with much more than the 12 HR he is trending toward right now.

2) Dylan Braden Currently, Dylan is tied for second with 4 HR. No cheapies, either. All of his home runs have been hit out of the deep Swamp dimensions. With sixteen games left on the schedule, Dylan is on pace to hit five more for 9 HR total. Dylan has obstacles to overcome, though, if he hopes to surpass Bischoff: four games at the 120'+ Drey, and six games against the impressive Whiteford and Manchester rotations.

3) Kyle Tomlinson Kyle has hit a ball over the fence in every series this season. However, he has had bad luck, a robbed home run and one lost to a forfeit, leaving him with just 2 HR on the season. Still, he has the power and eighteen games to stage a comeback. Helping his cause are four series still to play at The Wiffle Iron, aka "the launching pad". Not helping his cause are three series at the The Club, The Zoo, and The Drey where fly balls go to die. Also working against him are eight games facing the Manchester and Whiteford rotations. Kyle needs karma to swing back in his favor to be in this race.

Honorable Possible: Matt Murtha Murphy is currently tied for first with 5 HR. The reason he is not regarded as a favorite is that ten of his fourteen games remaining are on the nigh-impossible dimensions of The Zoo: 120' to left, 130' to right. He is not out of it, though, just needs to make use of his thunder stick in four games a The Club and Wiffle Iron, and practice a few wind dances for use before home games.

Week 9 Power Rankings

		Coffee Time
		by Carl Coffee

1.		Whiteford Wicked Aces  (10-2, 1st in the Ringler)
		The Aces have been 10-2 for a long time. When they get back on the field in Week 10, I hope the #3 ranked team nationally still remembers how to play. [Ed. note: I bet they bring badminton racquets!]
2.		Flying Squirrels  (14-4, 1st in the Garcia)     2
		The Squirrels continue to win, even without some of their better players. These guys have found players on the street to help fill their roster, and it is working. The Garcia division appears to be theirs to lose.
3.		Manchester Punchouts  (6-2, 2nd in the Ringler)
		Gun to my head, I would say the Punchies are a better team all around than the Squirrels, but I have not seen enough of them to put them at #2. They still have not played a road game, and will need to travel a lot in the second half of the season.
4.		Belgian Wiffles  (6-4, 3rd in the Ringler)     3
		David Buhr and his Southgate boys are the real deal. They have a strong pitching rotation, speed on the bases, and they can hit. I cannot wait to see how this team will fair against Manchester and Whiteford down the stretch.
5.		Jason Mattseals  (8-12, 5th in the Ringler)     3
		The Mattseals have been on fire lately going 8-2, but are still winless within their division. When the playoffs start I would not want to be the team to have to face these guys.
6.		Thunder Ducks  (7-5, 2nd in the Garcia)     1
		The Thunder Ducks seem to be taking the regular season very easy. The defending champs went a disappointing 2-2 in Week 7 against the Seals and Seamen. I truly believe this will be a brand new team in the playoffs and are still my pick to win it all.
7.		Donkeys  (7-7, 4th in the Ringler)     1
		The Donkeys are in the middle of a four week stretch of off weeks, so they have been very quiet lately. They have a lot of home games remaining on their schedule, so if home field advantage means anything, this team could make a nice run to end the season.
8.		Campus Commandos  (2-12, 5th in the Garcia)     1
		The Campus Commandos have an opportunity now to sneak into the playoffs as the 8th seed with the Seamen replacing the DeLoppes. If they can sweep King Friday on Sunday, I believe it will be their spot to lose.
9.		King Friday  (5-13, 4th in the Garcia)     1
		King Friday has not won an actual game, but still are in a good spot with five forfeit wins. If they can get their act together in winnable games against the Commandos, the playoffs may even be in their radar.
10.		Seamen  (5-9, 3rd in the Garcia)     8
		This team did beat a Thunder Ducks team that was just having fun, but they still have an incomplete grade for now. Sweet logo though!

In the Cards '12 #2: Daniel Egan

In the Cards '12  #2:  Daniel Egan
Commandos

Daniel Egan opened his rookie Wiffleball season with a running start. Literally. He ran to Lafayette Park for the series on Opening Night. As Egan pointed out where he had run from, back toward an Ipad ad in the direction of downtown Detroit skyline, he had the Squirrels nervous; none of them had run that far in the last ten years combined. Then, in his first pitching appearance, Daniel had the rodents on the ropes: down 2-0 entering the fifth inning. What happened over the next five minutes is not important to this article. What is, however, is that Daniel has taken that Opening Night sprint and turned it into a marathon for the Commandos.

A rookie to Wiffleball, Egan is the only player to have played all fourteen games for the Commandos so far this season; including trips to Romulus, Frenchtown, Taylor, and Woodhaven. He has also taken on the ever-important, yet often thankless, role of number-two pitcher; taking the mound in five games for his team. Daniel has thrown 36 K in his 21.1 IP, for a 1.69 KPI (strike-outs per inning), quite impressive for being new to Wiffleball pitching. At the plate he may still be learning the pitchers, but Egan clearly has power in his swing. Three of his eight hits are home runs, which currently has him tied for third in the league.

Egan's game is not all on the field, nor his prep all in running to the field, though. When Daniel learned of the possibility of a new species of seal, the mattseal, he instantly put together an expedition team, chartered a seaplane, and headed to the Galapagos Islands to find a weakness in the creature that may be exploitable in a team named after them. Where he found the time for this expedition is unknown even by his captain, the Real A.G, who only wanted to comment, "how f*cking cool is that? Danny got a seaplane! I hope he lands it on the river for our next games at Lafayette!"

The findings of the Egan team on the Galapagos are also questionable. "Five days and the only seals we saw were regular Galapagos fur seals," Daniel confessed, "which were still really cool, but I didn't learn anything about Wiffleball at all... Except while on the plane. Man, when that thing goes into a dive you can throw an amazing riser!" Rumors of a few Pokemon also appear in various reports. Also, apparently a run-in with the Nain Rouge, who was vacationing from Detroit, led to a long conversation about their home city. Unfortunately, all of these encounters were photographed with a "water-proof" camera bought in a tourist shop in Ecuador that did not live up to its billing when Daniel later charged into the water to swim with Galapagos penguins.

Photographs, real mattseals or not, the trip does seem to be bringing a boost in Egan's offensive stats. In two games since returning he has hit .400, scored two runs, hit a home run, and has five RBI. Perhaps Daniel may have found the secret to Wiffle success: prepare in ways totally unrelated to Wiffle! The next Commandos series may provide some easier means to practice his method, too: Punchouts? Play some Mike Tyson's Punchout all week long! King Friday? Queue up the Mr. Rogers marathon! Belgian Wiffles? That will be a delicious week, and also lucky that Danny's up for getting out and running off those waffles!

Player	GP	IP	W	L	R	K	H	BB	ERA	WHIP
Daniel Egan	5	21.1	0	4	25	36	32	23	5.86	2.58

	AB	H	BB	R	2B	HR	RBI	AVG	OBP	SLG
	55	8	5	5	1	3	8	.145	.217	.327