Fans everywhere enjoy a good friendly, everyone enjoys giving into a good fantasy, and everyone loves the Fall - just too bad there isn't much Wiffle going on. Ah-ha! (Take on Me) That's where the the friendly and fantasy can come across even stronger. Four teams of five have been arbitrarily selected to compete and entertain us over the slow months. To determine the outcome of each at-bat a random number generator from 1 to 1000 is used. Each player's number ranges are different: their AVG and OBP are multiplied by the opposing pitcher's WHIP to set the ranges for hits and walks; from there a player's percentage of singles, doubles, triples, and home runs are spread over their "hit range": singles start at 1, home runs end at the highest number in the hit range. Walks follow above hits, and a pitcher's number of strikeouts in the 2012 season set the strikeout range after walks. Every number above that is an out made in the field: numbers closer to 1000 are fly outs, while lower numbers are ground outs. Depending on the situation sacrifice flies, advancing runners, peg outs, and double plays also come into play. You'll see that strikeouts and walks are disproportional to a real game, and that just adds to the entertainment! Let's just say everyone agreed to play these friendlies mid-pitch.

---

Game 5: Risers (0-2)  VS.  Cheese (1-1)

---

- The Risers got the offense started last game (to the tune of 15 runs), but still couldn't get the win. They again choose to change things up, this time going with a "feel" thing in addition to just going by the numbers. Tomlinson says he hits best at fourth in the order, and he is .300 with 3 R but no RBI or HR, so he is moving down to the four slot. Constanti, Seto, and Mushinski are all coming off big games (4-6, HR, 4 RBI ; 2-4, HR, 5 RBI; 3-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI - respectively) and will move up to the one through three slots. Franzen, struggling in the fall (.143 AVG), bats fifth. Constanti (0-1, 5.00 ERA) takes the mound for his second start.

- Confident in their lineup's performance, the Cheese make just one switch with Cosby (0-1, 7.00 ERA) taking the mound for the second time. Cosby, hitting .444 and coming off a 2-4 game with a HR, will switch to the third slot with Lewis (.333 AVG) taking over the fifth. They have put up 15 runs in 2 games. Led by Crozier (.636 AVG, 5 R) at the top of the order with Pfefferle bringing them home (.444 AVG, 6 RBI).

Top 1st -
Cosby starts out strong getting two easy groundouts and a lazy pop fly to Crozier in center.

Bot 1st -
Constanti matches with a sound start of his own: a slow-roller and soft line drive to Franzen in right, and a pop up to Seto in left. Pitchers on their game, no baserunners after one.

Top 2nd -
Cosby starts out the second looking to continue dominance. He strikes out Tomlinson, then gets Franzen to roll over on a pitch for an easy out by Shore in left. Constanti then gets to him with a sharp single to center, and Seto follows by pushing a ball behind Pfefferle down the right field line for an RBI triple. Mushinski then flies out to left to end the inning. One run in.

Bot 2nd -
Constanti runs with his team's 1-0 lead, three-up/three-down in similar fashion to the first: two pop outs, and a roller back to the mound. Risers take a 1-0 lead to the third.

Top 3rd -
Tomlinson leads off with a single to left; Franzen hits into a fielder's choice and trades places with him. Constanti steps to the plate and helps out his cause, blasting a 3-0 inside slider over the left field fence. Cosby responds by striking out Seto on three pitches. Mushinski slaps a seeing eye single into right, then Cosby Ks up Tomlinson for the second time to end the inning. 3 strike outs on the day, but 3 runs also for the Risers.

Bot 3rd -
Constanti keeps pitching to contact, and keeps getting outs. Shore and Cosby both fly out to Tomlinson in center to start the inning. Back-to-back walks to Pfefferle and Lewis follow, before Crozier gets underneath yet another ball for a pop fly to Seto in left. Out. 3-0 lead for the Risers heading to the fourth.

Top 4th -
Cosby comes through for his team with a blank inning. Soft line out and a grounder back to the mound start the inning; Seto then ropes a two-out single to left, but gets stranded as Mushinski grounds out to Pfefferle right.

Bot 4th -
Cheese need runs, and Shore answers the bell by leading off with a triple that runs along the wall in right-center. He scores immediately on a ground ball out by Cosby. They add a walk later in the inning, but are unable to get anymore going with two lazy fly outs. Cheese close the gap to 3-1 with three outs left.

Top 5th -
Cosby starts finishing off the game strong with two ground outs. Constanti then draws a walk and Seto singles to right, before Mushinski lines out to Tomlinson in center. Cheese need 2 runs, last call!

Bot 5th -
Shore fouls off a few pitches leading off, then turns on a strike, but hits it right at Franzen in right. One down. Cosby fights off a close, tight first pitch, but squibs it right back to the mound for out number two. Constanti stays with the inside pitch against Pfefferle and gets him to roll over one to Seto in left, relayed quickly to the circle for the final out. Risers end their Fall season with their first win, 3-1 over the Cheese!

	1	2	3	4	5	R	H
	0	1	2	0	0	3	7
	0	0	0	1	0	1	1

Risers  (1-2)			Cheese  (1-2)
OFFENSE			OFFENSE
Constanti	2-4, HR, BB, 2 RBI, 2 R		Crozier	0-4
Seto	3-5, 3B, RBI		Shore	1-3, 3B, R
Mushinski	1-5		Cosby	0-4, RBI
Tomlinson	1-4		Pfefferle	0-3, BB
Franzen	0-4, R		Lewis	0-1, 2 BB
PITCHING			PITCHING
Constanti	1 R, 1 H, 3 BB		Cosby	3 R, 7 H, 1 HR, 1 BB, 3 K

Standings
	W	L	+/-
	2	0	+3
	1	1	-2
	1	2	-1
	1	2	0

The MVP of this game is an easy pick. Mike Constanti went 2-4 with a HR and had a hand in each run scored for the Risers in their first win of the Fall. He also nearly shut down the Cheese offense completely. The Risers' lineup moves paid off, with Joe Seto and Constanti providing a great one-two punch at the top of the order. It seems like nothing the Cheese could have done would have affect the result; Constanti was straight dealing on the mound. Shore gets a big nod for coming through late with a hustling triple in a huge spot to spark a run and late life for the Cheese. This was a vintage Wiffle game (without the Ks): low scoring with timely hitting deciding the day.

The Risers' win locks them into a third place finish. A 12 2 6 Curves (1-1) win over the Sinkers (2-0) has them both finish 2-1 to claim the first and second spots, respectively. The Risers would claim third over the Cheese with the head-to-head victory. A Sinkers win over the Curves grants them a perfect 3-0 first-place finish, while three teams finish 1-2, which would cause the head-to-head tiebreaker to be thrown out. Run differential would then decide the final placing. In such a scenario the Cheese are in top position at an even 0, the Risers again place third with a -1, and the Curves finish fourth going into their final game with a -2.

The finer points going into the final game: Whoever wins, Sinkers or Curves, is the Fall Champion. If Sinkers win: 2nd place is Cheese, 3rd is Risers, and 4th is Curves. If Curves win: 2nd place is Sinkers, 3rd is Risers, and 4th is Cheese.

Fans everywhere enjoy a good friendly, everyone enjoys giving into a good fantasy, and everyone loves the Fall - just too bad there isn't much Wiffle going on. Ah-ha! (Take on Me) That's where the the friendly and fantasy can come across even stronger. Four teams of five have been arbitrarily selected to compete and entertain us over the slow months. To determine the outcome of each at-bat a random number generator from 1 to 1000 is used. Each player's number ranges are different: their AVG and OBP are multiplied by the opposing pitcher's WHIP to set the ranges for hits and walks; from there a player's percentage of singles, doubles, triples, and home runs are spread over their "hit range": singles start at 1, home runs end at the highest number in the hit range. Walks follow above hits, and a pitcher's number of strikeouts in the 2012 season set the strikeout range after walks. Every number above that is an out made in the field: numbers closer to 1000 are fly outs, while lower numbers are ground outs. Depending on the situation sacrifice flies, advancing runners, peg outs, and double plays also come into play. You'll see that strikeouts and walks are disproportional to a real game, and that just adds to the entertainment! Let's just say everyone agreed to play these friendlies mid-pitch.

---

Game 3: Sinkers (1-0)  VS.  Risers (0-1)

---

-  Sinkers run out the same lineup after winning their first game, citing "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Joe Seto takes the mound in their second game.

-  Risers change things up at the top of the order, switching Franzen and Tomlinson, an attempt to spur their offense to more than three hits - and perhaps timely hits. Justin Hughes toes the rubber.

Top 1st -
Huge inning for the Sinkers, who continue to roll after their win. Justin Hughes and Dylan Braden start off with back-to-back singles. Alexia then hit a grounder into left, but Kyle Tomlinson gunned it back into Joe Seto in the circle erasing Hughes; fielders choice, 1 out. Chandler Phillips again rips a ball into play, this one to left-center and deep enough to score Braden from second. Runners on first and second. Chris Roszell hits a deep fly off the wall in right-field over the head of Mike Constanti. Both Alexia and Phillips, charging hard realizing Constanti was playing in, come around to score; 2-rbi 2B. Batting for the second time in the inning, Hughes hits a slow bouncer into left for a single, advancing Roszell to third. Braden then steps up and blasts a hanging 2-0 pitch down the left-field line; 3-run HR. Alexia then grounds out for the second time, followed by a Phillips walk. Roszell again hits a fly ball to right, but this time Constanti's in position to make the catch. 6-0 Sinkers to start the game.


Sinkers scoresheet Bot 1st -
Needing to claw back, the Risers come out swinging. Greg Franzen hits a hard shot to left, but Roszell goes to the ground and takes away a hit with a nice grab. Kyle Tomlinson steps up and hits another bullet, this one finds the ground in center and he reaches with a single. For the third batter in a row, Seto hits a ball hard to left, but gets underneath of it for out number two. Constanti steps up and swings on the first pitch, the fourth hard hit in a row, a long drive over the fence in center; 2-run HR. Brandon Mushinski gets frozen on a full-count slider to end the inning. 6-2 Sinkers after one.

Top 2nd -
Seto gets Hughes out with an easy fly ball to Franzen in center, but Braden counters with his second home run of the game three pitches later. Seto then gets another fly out to Franzen before Phillips steps to the plate and - starting a dangerous trend - hits the second pitch he sees over the fence in left. Roszell then grounds out to Tomlinson in left to end the inning. Two solo home runs make it 8-2 Sinkers.

Bot 2nd -
Top of the order for the Risers, and Franzen leads things off with a walk. Tomlinson hits another ball into the outfield, but this one is tracked down by Braden for out number one. Seto then helps out his cause catching up to a full-count fastball and putting it over the right field wall for a two-run home run. Constanti, already with a home run in his first at-bat, follows and takes a huge cut at a similar fastball, but cannot connect and strikes out. Mushinski determined now to be caught looking again swings at a hard inside-slider on the first pitch, which jams him and is caught by Alexia at second for the third out. Five batters to the plate for the second inning in a row, and again the Risers get two back. 8-4 Sinkers after two.

Top 3rd -
Leading off for the third time, Hughes reaches base also for the third time on a walk. Braden steps in 3-for-3 with two home runs, but Seto doesn't back down: getting him out in front of a slow curve popped up back to the mound; 1 out. Alexia then steps in and gets his first hit down the left field line; advance Hughes to second. Phillips follows suit with a drive into the left field corner for a double, bringing Hughes around to score; Alexia holds at third. The safe base-running pays off as Roszell turns on a curve and hooks it inside the left field foul pole for a 3-run home run; his third, fourth and fifth RBIs of the game. Seto rebound striking out Hughes, but then gives up a single and two walks to load the based for Roszell. Chris comes through again with a single, scoring Braden; bases remain loaded for the top of the order. Seto gets Hughes to strike out for the second consecutive time, ending the long inning. Sinkers add 5, go up 13-4


Risers scoresheet Bot 3rd -
Franzen draws a walk to lead off the third, just as he did in the second. Tomlinson follows with a single to right; Franzen tests Braden's arm and gets to third safely, Tomlinson stays at first. Seto pulls his team one closer with a sac fly to center. Constanti then singles to center, and Tomlinson takes advantage of a bobble by Braden and advances to third. Mushinski draws a walk to load the bases, keeping the Risers' charge alive. Franzen gets hold of a pitch, driving it to left, caught by Roszell, but deep enough to score Tomlinson from third. Tomlinson then walks to load the bases for Seto, already 1-2 with a HR. He bloops a single into right-center, which brings in Constanti and Mushinski, and pushes Tomlinson to third. Constanti then goes right back to right-center hitting a double past Braden that rolls along the wall; Tomlinson and Seto come around to score. Mushinski then comes through with his first hit in a big way, a line-drive 2-run home run scraping over the left field fence to bring the Risers back within three. Hughes regains his composure and gets Franzen to roll over an offspeed pitch to end the inning. Risers get eight, and we have ourselves a game! Sinkers lead cut to 13-12 after three.

Top 4th -
Sinkers seem over-anxious to get runs back as Braden and Alexia swing early and weakly fly out. Phillips and Roszell slow things down with back to back walks, but then Hughes gets caught looking on a first-pitch K. Seto has his first scoreless inning of the day. Score remains 13-12 Sinkers.

Bot 4th -
The Risers continue rolling from the last inning. After a lead-off flyout, Seto walks, Constanti singles, and Mushinski hits his second home run to left in as many at-bats to give the Risers their first lead! Hughes responds angrily: striking out Franzen on two pitches, and getting Tomlinson to pop out to Alexia at short. All of a sudden it's last call for the Sinkers. Risers lead 15-13.

Top 5th -
Seto pitches around Braden, putting the tying run on first to start the inning. Alexia responds with an infield single down the first-base line; runners on 1st and 2nd. Phillips then drives a one-hop shot at normally-teammate Tomlinson; Kyle knocks it down and keeps a run from scoring, but is unable to make an out. Bases loaded. Roszell steps in and just misses his second home run of the game; Franzen robs him in left-center, but Braden scores easily and Alexia moves up to third with one out. Hughes hits a sharp drive to Tomlinson in left for out number two, and Tomlinson relays the ball to Hughes to try to get Alexia at home; the throw is late, and Phillips takes second. No other player who you'd want up, Braden is already 4-6 and has two home runs on the day, and he delivers again: a two-run bomb to straight away center! Seto then gets Alexia to ground out, but the Sinkers retake the lead 17-15. Pressure is back on the Risers.

Bot 5th -
Seto seems shaken leading off the innging after the rough top-half, and strikes out chasing a slider off the plate. Constanti then gets underneath a ball, popping out to Alexia in foul territoty. Risers down to their last out. Mushinksi keeps things alive with a single into right, bringing up the top of the order. Franzen fights off a hard inside fastball, but is only able to ground it right back to Hughes on the mound - who picks the perfect time to pickup his first blank frame. Sinkers blow a big lead, but come back and hang on to win 17-15!

	1	2	3	4	5	R	H
	6	2	5	0	4	17	16
	2	2	8	3	0	15	11

Sinkers  (2-0)			Risers  (0-2)
OFFENSE			OFFENSE
Hughes	2-5, BB, Sac, RBI, 2 R		Franzen	0-4, 2 BB, Sac, RBI, 2 R
D. Braden	5-7, 3 HR, BB, 6 RBI, 6 R		Tomlinson	2-5, BB, 3 R
Alexia	2-7, BB, 3 R		Seto	2-4, HR, BB, Sac, 5 RBI, 3 R
Phillips	4-4, HR, 2 BB, 3 RBI, 4 R		Constanti	4-6, HR, 4 RBI, 4 R
Roszell	3-5, HR, Sac, BB, 7 RBI, 2 R		Mushinski	3-5, 2 HR, BB, 5 RBI, 3 R
PITCHING			PITCHING
Hughes	15 R, 11 H, 4 HR, 5 BB, 4 K		Seto	17 R, 16 H, 5 HR, 6 BB, 3 K

Standings
	W	L
	2	0
	1	0
	0	1
	0	2

It looks like the Sinkers and Risers got together and decided to play a football game. 32 runs, 9 home runs. Chandler Phillips went 4-4, yet still is likely not the player of the game for the Sinkers: Dylan Braden's 5-7, 3 HR, 6 RBI and 6 R performance, as well as Chris Roszell's 3-5, with a sac fly and 7 RBI performance trump even perfect set of plate appearances. This was a slugfest, no, a firefight. Both teams hit, and hit... and hit. The bottom of the order threw most of the punches for the Risers. Constanti went 4-6 with a HR, 4 RBI, and 4 R, while Mushinski dug into the five-spot well going 3-5 with 2 HR, 5 RBI and 3 R. The difference in the game was at the top of the Risers order, which again after the change still could not produce: getting only 1 RBI from the 2 top spots.

This Sinkers win guarantees their shot to play for the fall championship against the 12 2 6 Curves. Their win over the Cheese in game one gives them the tie-breaker if both teams end up 2-1, so only the 12 2 6 Curves can win over the Sinkers. The Risers fall out of contention with the loss today, but have one game yet to play against the Cheese for third place. No matter the result of next week's Cheese vs. Curves game, the head-to-head tiebreaker means both game five (Cheese vs. Risers) and six (Curves vs. Sinkers) will decide third and first place, respectively.

Fans everywhere enjoy a good friendly, everyone enjoys giving into a good fantasy, and everyone loves the Fall - just too bad there isn't much Wiffle going on. Ah-ha! (Take on Me) That's where the the friendly and fantasy can come across even stronger. Four teams of five have been arbitrarily selected to compete and entertain us over the slow months. To determine the outcome of each at-bat a random number generator from 1 to 1000 is used. Each player's number ranges are different: their AVG and OBP are multiplied by the opposing pitcher's WHIP to set the ranges for hits and walks; from there a player's percentage of singles, doubles, triples, and home runs are spread over their "hit range": singles start at 1, home runs end at the highest number in the hit range. Walks follow above hits, and a pitcher's number of strikeouts in the 2012 season set the strikeout range after walks. Every number above that is an out made in the field: numbers closer to 1000 are fly outs, while lower numbers are ground outs. Depending on the situation sacrifice flies, advancing runners, peg outs, and double plays also come into play. You'll see that strikeouts and walks are disproportional to a real game, and that just adds to the entertainment! Let's just say everyone agreed to play these friendlies mid-pitch.

---

Game 2: 12 2 6 Curves  VS.  Risers

---

Top 1st -
Easy first inning for Evan Bischoff and the Curves. Routine fly outs to center and left field, followed by a ground out to left.


Bot 1st -
Nagorski is able to reach on a single, but Constanti keeps the rest of the Curves off the basepaths with two ground outs and a fly out. 0-0 after 1 inning.

Top 2nd -
Bischoff continues rolling for the Curves with two ground outs and his first strike out of the day.

Bot 2nd -
Constanti responds strongly to start with a quick ground out and his first strike out for the Risers. Nagorski then tags him for a long solo home run to left center, which seems to shake him for the next couple batters: a double to right field by Buhr and a walk to Hewlett. Constanti regains his composure and gets Coffman to pop out to short to end the inning. 1-0 Curves after 2.

Top 3rd -
Greg Franzen draws a walk to lead off the inning, giving the Risers their first base runner of the day. Bischoff quickly rebounded, though, striking out Seto and getting Contanti and Mushinski to ground into outs. Perfect game lost, but Curves lead remains 1-0.

Bot 3rd -
A slightly scary inning for the Risers, but ultimately harmless. Deep flies off the bats of Bischoff and Nagorski both came up short of the fence in left-center, before a walk to Buhr. Hewlett again put the ball in the air, easily caught in short center to end the inning. Curves still lead 1-0.

Top 4th -
Bischoff continues cutting down the Risers hitters by allowing his defense to make the outs. Two fly outs to Nagorski in center field, and a routine ground out to Hewlett at short make for an easy inning.

Bot 4th -
Coffman draws a walk to lead off, followed by a first-pitch single by Bischoff. Nagorski's able to get the ball in play, but a short fly ball to left: unable to advance the runners. Buhr then walks to load the bases. Hewlett steps up and grounds a ball straight to the pitcher; out made at home, bases remian loaded. Coffman strikes out on a slider low and away to end the threat. Score remains 1-0 Curves, last call for the Risers.

Top 5th -
Bischoff starts out strong, striking out Constanti. He then walks Mushinski, putting the tying run on for Tomlinson who singles to left field: runners on first and second with Franzen stepping up the plate. 0-2 with a BB on the day, Franzen turned on a high and tight fastball and put it ten feet over the left field wall to awaken the Risers' bench. Seto followed with a seven-pitch walk, before Constanti delivered a dribbling single to right - advancing Seto to third. Mushinski then hit a fly ball to center that scored Seto from third. Tomlinson followed with another deep drive, but came up just short to end the inning. However, Risers claim the lead, 4-1, with the top of the Curves order due up.

Bot 5th -
Evan Bischoff leads off with a double to the right-center gap. Nagorski then flies out to right, advancing Bischoff to third on the tag. Buhr lines a single into left to score the run and keep the Curves hopes alive. Hewlett then fouls off a few good pitches, puts together a good at bat and draws a walk, putting the tying run on base. Coffman comes through, driving a single up the middle; Hewlett comes around to score, runners on first and second. Lead cut to 4-3. Bischoff then a rips a double to left-center; Hewlett scores easily from second to tie the game, and with one out the Curves hold Coffman at third. The safe play pays off as Nagorski rips a single back up the middle to score the fourth run of the inning and the game winner. Curves win 5-4 in walk-off fashion!

	1	2	3	4	5	R	H
	0	0	0	0	4	4	3
	0	1	0	0	4	5	9

Risers  (0-1)			12 2 6 Curves  (1-0)
OFFENSE			OFFENSE
Tomlinson	1-5, R		E. Bischoff	3-6, 2 2B, RBI, R
Franzen	1-3, BB, HR, 3 RBI, R		Nagorski	3-6, HR, 2 RBI, R
Seto	0-3, BB, R		Buhr	2-3, 2 BB, 2B, RBI, R
Constanti	1-4		Hewlett	0-3, 2 BB, R
Mushinski	0-2, BB, RBI, R		Coffman	1-4, BB, RBI, R
PITCHING			PITCHING
Constanti	5 R, 9 H, HR, 5 BB, 2 K		E. Bischoff	4 R, 3 H, HR, 3 BB, 3 K

Walk-up Themes: Vol, 2

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

You know how this works. Remember the thought behind this is, first, an amusing anecdote about the player to hopefully get a "hah!" or "yeeep, that's him!", then - only as an accidental afterthought - the "cool" factor you would normally go for with a walk-up theme. Come to think of it, that is kind of the thought behind Wiffle all the time. Get excited; here we go!


"S.U.T.F.S."  - Dark Wave -  Chad Hoppe  -  Wiffling DeLoppes


"She underlines the fuck scenes for ya? Jesus, if she underlines the fuck scenes for ya, she must worship the ground you walk on." - Reggie "Reg" Dunlop

As a great player-coach, Chad reminds me of the above-quoted Dunlop. Not only for his fuck scene appreciation, either! In 2011 Chad took a team that had never performed well and no one gave much respect, made a few lineup additions, and boom! Instant sensations! Unlike the Chiefs, however, the DeLoppes actually became great at the game. You cannot deny the comparison of Bobby, BJ, and Nick Snow to the Hanson brothers, though.


"Sweet Release"  - Wugazi -  Chris Paquin  -  Jason Mattseals


Sweet release; that inexplicably smooth, calm and collected bit of "BOO YA!" Chris Paquin has that on the mound. He picked up a Wiffleball last Saturday, and immediately had movement that could only be described as "Chadwick-like": not a lot of speed, but pitches that turn on a dime or make you bite before they blow a kiss goodbye as they bow further and further out of reach in slow motion. For our purposes we will treat any previous contact Chris may have had with a Wiffleball as if it never happened; it makes for a much more intriguing story. Especially when Paquin throws out quotes to equal his rookie pitching arm. For instance, "Six strike-outs; put that in your book!"


"Body Shot"  - Electric Six -  Adam Grant  -  Campus Commandos


The Electric Six song in the mix again goes to a Commando! "Body Shot" is spot on for Grant, just as "Escape from Ohio" was for Pfefferle. Adam does not like to give up that inside corner while in the box, and as a result he takes a lot of balls off the torso, thighs, and groin. He also gets a league-leading amount of walks for it, though; so, that must make up for the plastic onslaught.

[As an aside: rumors of Grant's habits of lying down on bars and being the vessel for the other type of body shot are rampant, yet completely unfounded.]


"Hey Stars"  - The Juliets -  Joe Seto  -  Donkeys


Snubbed from the All-Star teams last season, by most opinions, "Hey Stars" is essentially Seto reminding all those guys who beat him out for the teams that he is coming for them this year. All Joe really needs to do is breathe heavily into the phone after saying those two words to drive this point home. However, he will more than likely back it up with surgical pitching and batter's box bravado for a less creepy effect.

Week One Fun

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

Sure, there was long grass on Friday night, the wind was up and there was a chill in the air on Saturday, and Sunday was played in a mud pit, but Opening Weekend went great and featured a ton of exciting game play resulting in some early season surprises, both positive and negative. Let's count our way into talking about the week in WSEM:

1 undefeated team
2 angry neighbors
3 very different field locations
4 home runs by two players to lead the league
5 -hundred on-base percentages for half the league!
6 games played by the Jason Mattseals!
7 teams participating
8 I ate Checkers... and I'm out of ideas...


Jeff Biegas of the Jason Mattseals swinging for the
fences in front of fans at Lafayette Park in Detroit

One [not the start of another random list, I promise!] great thing about a league is building up expectations and then the surprise of watching completely unexpected things happen. Joe Seto of the Commandos put on possibly the most surprising, dominant on-field performance. 4 HR, 10 RBI, a .571 AVG, and 1.429 SLG% at the plate, and 12 K, 0 BB, and 2 wins on the mound; he took control of every facet of the game and took the Commandos to the top of the WSEM standings after week one. I will not elaborate much on the Commandos 2-0 start as the wins came against the 0-6 Mattseals, but it is great to see them off to a winning start and showing they can play the game well.

There are a couple other players who are happy surprises atop the league. The always hilarious Josh "Truffle Shuffle" Roberts (Git r' Done) leads his team in more than just ridiculous on-field antics with a .462 AVG, and Cliff Comstock (DeLoppes) leads the entire league in hitting with a .625 AVG. [Update:] In a simultaneously hilarious and head-scratch-worthy stat the Flying Squirrels lead the league with 32 hits, but are dead last in the league with only 15 runs scored. On the mound Matt Murtha (Squirrels) leads the league in strike outs with 27, while Michael Constanti (Ass Kickers) is 2-0 with a 3.25 K/BB ratio and surpassing his brother, Brian, as the ace of the team. David Buhr (Belgian Wiffles) blew even himself away by slugging out of the park what he described as, "the only two home runs (he'll) get all year."


Chad Hoppe and the Wiffling DeLoppes cruised
and clawed their way to a 3-1 start to the season
Outside of individual players and teams, the big shock of the weekend, just by looking at the stats, is the high offensive numbers across the league. You have heard it a thousand times if once: this is a pitchers' league. So, seeing half the league batting over .300 is completely out of left-field [home run pun intended]. The numbers do not paint an exact picture, though, as the weather and field conditions hindered pitchers' accuracy, thus driving up offensive numbers. Still, an impressive start for the offense, and think of it this way pitchers: it is a lot easier to bring an ERA down than to bring a batting average up. So, you have that going for you.

Now for a couple fun observations with a bit of a "what the...?" touch to them. First, the Jason Mattseals are one game short of being a quarter through their season! Take a second to process that... three days into a twelve week season; they are 3 weeks ahead of schedule! It is an anomaly, and it is due to them being good guys, good sports for stepping up and filling the slot left vacant on Saturday by the Warriors. We had intended to ease the Mattseals and Commandos into WSEM with two games against each other, and that happened Friday night, but things sped up quickly for the 'Seals on Saturday; as it was put on the NWLA boards by Brian Meyers, "those poor Mattseals." We here in the front office have a lot of gratitude and respect for "those poor Mattseals" and are giving them the unofficial Oberon All-over Performance Award for their efforts on and off the field to help the weekend run smoothly. Thanks, 'Seals!


Ass Kickers' Mike Constanti pitching out of a jam
against the Belgian Wiffles with David Buhr on second
A second "laugh out loud, then stare at each other silently for a few uncomfortably long moments," absurd account from the weekend: twice, at two different fields (Detroit and Brownstown) neighbors who do not think parks are to be played in felt the need to come over, or yell from upstairs windows, about how we should not be there. Both mentioned something about baseball fields, but we were not playing baseball and baseball fields invariably make terrible wiffleball fields - outfield walls are terribly shaped and gravel infields are a nightmare. So, their arguments in that regard were invalid. General consensus around the league is that they thought we should just be sitting in basements doing drugs and playing video games, and while some of us are down with that, we are not always down with that. We are going to keep an angry neighbors tally over the season, and maybe we will make an honorary award for best (read: "worst") outrage from one of them. When delivered we will make sure not to walk through public spaces.

Lastly, one serious, not funny in any way incident from over the weekend. Dennis Pearson, Git r' Done fireballer, injured his pitching arm on Saturday in a game against the Mattseals. The extent of the injury is not yet known, but information gleaned from Facebook threads has it sounding like he may be sidelined, or at least not taking the mound, for some time. He had thrown 20+ innings two weeks prior at the Wind Up Tournament and 10 Saturday putting wear on his arm before the damage was done attempting to peg a runner out at home from left-field. Dennis, we wish you the best and a speedy, full recovery for your arm.

I'd like to take the chance to point out that Dennis' right arm is missing
in this picture to lighten the mood here at the end of this article ...