Two-fer Team Tuesdays: Double Ds - DeLoppes

by Mike Constanti I am here to bring you what I think are the hands-down favorites to win the 2012 WSEM championship, the most complete and well-balanced team in the league, the Wiffling DeLoppes. Last season this team came up short in the championship series against a very powerful Git r' Done team (now the Thunder Ducks). Chad Hoppe has his team ready to compete every series, and still has that nasty pitch that I dubbed "the broken zipper".

Joey DeLano at bat while 2011 RotY Nick Snow sizes up the pitcher. The DeLoppes powerful offense is led by the best player in the game: Joey DeLano. Check the record books if you challenge that claim. He has it all: wonderful hitter who can hit for power, has speed to burn and the best hands in the field. If you hit the ball in his direction, he will make double and triple plays happen all day long. Joey is not the only threat the DeLoppes possess, though; there are literally no weak spots in the batting order. From short-swinging Cliff Comstock and rookie sensation Nick Snow (who always puts the ball in play) to high OBP man BJ Hoppe, and, who I feel is the most underrated player in the league, Bobby Hoppe.

If you think that offense is tough, try hitting off Chad, Cliff, Bobby, or their closer Chuck McDonald. Yeah, the DeLoppes have a closer in the pen, and that helps make up best staff in Wiffleball. Not taking anything away from the Thunder Ducks with Pearson as their workhorse, but you will not see a stable of horses like the DeLoppes have. Cliff Comstock takes the mound at Frenchtown Field  -  BJ and Bobby Hoppe try to manufacture a run.

Their ballpark, Frenchtown Field, is well-suited to their style of play. Perfectly suited in fact. They play fast. With the new tag up rules in place, expect flames coming out of their asses rounding second and heading into third. I could go on and on about these guys, and with good reason: I believe this is their year. The DeLoppes are returning their complete roster, are only going to get better, and are built in a way to benefit from the new rule changes. I do not see anyone beating this team at all.

A New Kind of Legend

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

During Saturday’s 3-2 series win by the DeLoppes over the Squirrels the members of WSEM present were met with a moment of transcendence, one which fell just short of magic. Following twenty-three shutout innings pitched by Cliff Comstock and Austin Bischoff, the stars began to align after BJ Hoppe’s two-run home run in the bottom of the first inning put the DeLoppes ahead in the deciding game of the series. One by one the dragonflies broke their flutter and set down on bat knobs, back stops, and the sporadic taller blades of grass missed by the grounds crew. The gaggle of young toads, which had hopped around the field more often that day than Austin Bischoff kicked out bases on hard slides, now stood at attention. Friends, they felt that something big was about to happen.

Carl Coffee cast his eyes over the field, squinted, took a deep breath, cocked his bat, and stepped up to the plate for the Squirrels. A missile from the right hand of Chad Hoppe followed, passing mere inches from Carl’s head. The peanut gallery shouted oohs, aahs, and one distinct hell yeah! baby! The ball came to rest on the other side of the drainage ditch twenty yards away. Carl gave no reaction.


He then waved his bat in front of his hips, and unfurled two ponderous questions in succession: “you gonna throw the ball? You scared?” Chad stood perplexed, a hundred thoughts running through his head: was Carl taunting the veteran pitcher? Was the blistering sun getting to Coffee? Is Coffee really not better when served hot? Chad shook his head, steering his concentration to not let Carl get into his head. Hoppe then eased through his steady wind up, released the ball from a three-quarters arm slot, and dropped a patented “Broken Zipper” just under the zone; it could not have missed by more than half a centimeter! Carl Coffee stood statuesque. “Oh my God! How could you take that!” Bobby Hoppe exclaimed from right field, with the sentiment echoed by members of both teams. “Take what?” Carl deadpanned. Chad’s jaw dropped on the mound. Down by two runs, Coffee really was trying to show him up out there!

Hoppe stopped playing around. He stiffened his delivery, started a hard slider up and in, which cut sharply, like a German army through France, drilling the upper-inside corner of the zone, and actually sent splinters flying. Chad just stared a cold stare from the mound; so effective it actually got cold in Death Valley for a second, until Carl came through with the quote that restored temperatures to normal: “Wow! I really shouldn’t try to play without contacts in! That pitch sounded amazing; wish I’d been able to see it!” Laughter mixed with the restored croaks from toads and wisps of dragonfly wings, and below it all you could hear the beginning murmur of a legend coming to life:

“and look who's coming up. All year long, they looked to him to light the fire. All year long, he answered the demand; until he was physically unable to see tonight with two bad eyes: the only thing, getting through Chad Hoppe. And with two out, you talk about a roll of the dice. This is it!”

In the Cards #4: Bobby Hoppe

In the Cards #4: Bobby Hoppe
Wiffling DeLoppes

Bobby's found his number! [ref.: see #3] The DeLoppes third and newest jersey style this year finally sees Bobby's rightful number 96 emblazoned across his back, bold in black. His number's not the only thing Bobby Hoppe has found this year, either: he's found his bat! In a big way.

Before this season it could not have been easy for Bobby scrapping in the shadows behind the likes of his brother Chad and Joey DeLano on the DeLoppes. Onlookers would often see only those two, associate the "DeL" and "oppes" to their last names, and only later realize there were "other Hoppes" on the team. This disrespect seems to have sent Bobby on a quest in the offseason to earn his face time and a prominent position on this team. He embarked with a supply of medicinal herbs, wearing his signature red Titleist cap, map in hand and pointed himself in the direction of "Wiffle Mecca," which conveniently followed a route featuring many Chinese buffets. He has never shown the map to anyone, and many believe he found other use for it while on the journey.

We can however safely assume a few things about what it contained. It almost certainly seldom made use of the letter 'K' or 'O.' Instead using 'R,' 'B,' and 'I,' as well as 'H' and 'R' in place of those. Numbers bigger than one must also have been included en masse: 2s and 3s specifically; unless Bobby just trained by ritually double or triple folding the map between the times he's rumored to have torn and rolled pieces of it. Lastly, not about the physical map itself, but he must have carried it in a long plastic container the same size, shape, and weight of a wiffle bat to allow Bobby to become so well acquainted with how to effectively use the real thing.

How far did Bobby trek to reach "Wiffle Mecca?" What did he find when he got there? Did he get ever get there, or is the idea of "Wiffle Mecca" just the drive for a player to make themself better and obtain that new level through their journeyman training? ... Shit. This is getting philosophical. There's no time for that in wiffleball... Unless a philosophy that works is what Bobby learned, a steady and centered consciousness on the field: see ball, smash ball, flash a confident smile, pick cigarette back up, and repeat. Wherever his journey took him, whatever was waiting for him at the end underneath the 'X': it worked. Bobby has come out in 2011 as a whole new ballplayer, playing a huge part in his team's success. He is ripping the ball harder, for better average, and coming through in clutch situations. He has found his bat, and damnit has he earned his number 96! So, with that, here are a few more numbers for Bobby:

Bobby's 2011 stats (as of June 16th) to complete the card treatment:

Player	PA	AB	H	BB	HR	RS	AVG	OBP	SLG	RBI
Bobby Hoppe	57	47	18	10	2	10	.383	.491	.617	19

Oh, Hey Todd.

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

So far this season WSEM has gotten away virtually Todd free it seems. You remember Todd, right? So, where has he been? The DeLoppes have played all of their games in the friendly confines of Frenchtown Field, and you can confidently say that the little specter's one-nutted curse has not affected them. Likewise the Commandos, who will play their first road games this weekend, have rather been blessed with what many believe is an overachieving .500 record at home to start the season. Who knows? Maybe the wretched weather we have had over the start of most of the season made him decide to loom over India a bit longer after the World Cup of Cricket for a rash of spontaneous holiday haunting. Or maybe he has been here all along and was the weather that has been plaguing us. Well wherever Todd has been, his hex unquestionably made its first huge supernatural play against the home team in WSEM league games.

The Westside Warriors opened their Westside Reservation on Sunday with what was to be a four game series against Git r' Done. However, they only played two, and only five complete innings at that. No, it was not on behalf of the weather; it was high 70s and sunny. It was at the behest of the de-balled and bereft Todd. The Warriors were mercied quickly in both games, and just as swiftly the minds of the team were distracted and floating this way and that on anything but the game. At one point Warriors outfielder Nick Woods was seen texting on his phone in the field, possessed by Todd who was likely prank texting the Detroit Cricket Club; the records of the texts in question have yet to be released to prove this. The sense of "don't wanna be here" ectoplasm emanating off the Warriors is the most severe amplification of Todd's abilities to affect the concentration and skill level of a wiffleball home team yet seen. Maybe he brought back some new tricks from his recent stint in India?

Nick Woods caught on film possessed by Todd sending spooky,
yet horribly out-dated with early 80s slang text messages.

One thing is undeniable about Todd since his return, though: he is much more thorough, much more ruthless, he is not after-living within limits or playing by any rules. Not only did he destroy the Warriors' will to win or compete on the field, but his twisted hex followed the players into the clubhouse and in its insatiable evil is threatening to disenfranchise the team. Literally. Disenfranchise: as in to no longer be a franchise. The team's complacent, unenthusiastic attitude has pushed captain Alex Shore about as far as he is willing to go. Alex, for his part, seems to be immune to Todd's non-corporeal wiles; or maybe Todd's just such a sick bastard now that he just wants to watch someone suffer while he intertwines his tricks. Whether or not Alex is the chosen one to ultimately defeat Todd or if he is just another pawn, talk over the past week has set in motion the possible folding of his Westside Warriors and signing with another team to finish the 2011 season and beyond. I suppose we can answer the "where has Todd been" question, though: in Farmington, nefariously plotting. He seems to have put all the pieces in place and pulled the strings perfectly to enact his plan and exact his revenge.

Is this hooded figure Todd admiring his handiwork
from the outfield at the Westside Reservation?

What a motherfucker! But even if Todd is able to take down one of our teams with his curse, we will not let it infect, hang over, or haunt the rest of the league or this season. If it comes to it, we will play with seven teams; one or two of whom's roster will get a great pick-me-up addition and new found life in the clubhouse. What will not happen is that we will not let losing one team mean we lose the league, our simultaneous sense of comradery and competition, or site of what we want WSEM to become. Sure, looking at the standings week after week and seeing that team permanently relegated to the 8th spot will be disappointing, but it doesn't weaken the league. It could actually do a couple things to boost the competition and mentality of the league: 1) There would be a play-off bye to shoot for, so teams may fight for that through the last day of the season. 2) The level of enthusiasm off the field and energy on the field would jump through the roof (if we had a domed field). The players who would be lost were apathetic about the game and league, but the ones who would stay to picked up by other teams would be playing out of their minds to prove themselves and show their former teammates what they left behind. So, everyone who remains in WSEM is enthusiastic and involved in the league, all about it. Try and find something bad about that!

Team Tuesdays: Wiffling DeLoppes

I have to think that being a Wiffling DeLoppes fan must be a lot like being a Chicago Cubs fan. You love them, they’re all great guys, great competitors, they always seem to be in the hunt, but just don’t come out on top. Although maybe in the Detroit area, we should say it is more like being a Detroit Lions fan. They play a ton of close games, but just can’t get the “big play” when they need it, so their record [6-11, two wins in each tournament they’ve played] doesn’t show you how tough of an opponent they really are. Forget the cubs, except the loveable part – the DeLoppes are one of the most fun teams you’ll ever share a field with. The DeLoppes are the Detroit Lions of wiffleball, with one critical difference: the Lions’ problem is defense; the DeLoppes have defense in spades, but can’t seem to find the offense when they need it.

Led by captain and pitcher Chad Hoppe the DeLoppes play more one-run games, walk-offs, and extra inning games than any team should ever have to suffer. The tension and sense that the entire game could be decided on any single at-bat is nearly always hanging overhead in a DeLoppes game.  The location and break of every pitch needs to be precise, even more so than usual. As a batter you need to capitalize on any mistake you see, and leg out any pitchers’ pitch you’re able to fight off onto the ground into fair territory. On the base paths you need to be aggressive, because going first-to-third may present the only true scoring chance you’ll get in the game. As a defender… no errors, that’s you’re thought, no errors and keep it in front of you.

What’s the reason behind this heightened, “elephant on your shoulders,” any and every play means the world level of competition? Chad Hoppe; he’s a pitcher. On a bad day most pitchers might have one or two pitches working, Chad will have four. He has somewhere around eight in his repertoire, six-ish in heavy rotation: there’s a riser, slider, sinker, effective fare of that normal sort, and then there’s something that no one is sure about: is it a curve, a sinker… a change-up? No one knows. So, opponents have bestowed upon it the name “broken zipper,” after the odd gyrations it puts your legs through when trying to swing at it, in a sacrificial attempt to appease whatever wiffle deity gifted the pitch. Seriously, here are some pictures of what the broken zipper does to otherwise coordinated men:

Behind that pitching the DeLoppes’ defend the field smoothly: lots of ground balls, lots of clean plays and throws from the other Hoppe brothers, Bobby and BJ. Joey Delano playing LF gives them the big play ability in the field, as well, and is the big bat in their lineup. Cliff Comstock debuted in the September tournament and will join the everyday roster this season, providing the DeLoppes a relief arm out of their bullpen. The DeLoppes one problem is stringing together hits to produce runs. They get men on base, but cannot get timely hits to push them across the plate. Thus, they often find themselves unable to capitalize on chances in low-scoring affairs. Captain Chad Hoppe is promising a remedy for their offensive woes in the 2011 season with the additions of the bats of Nick Snow and Chucky McDonald to the roster. Chad has gone on record in offseason talks saying, “we won’t  just be heart and defense anymore.”

Wiffling DeLoppes' games are every bit deserving of the "wiffle" in their name: exciting, demanding, competitive, and always fun. If Chad is right and they get their offense clicking, even just enough to get two or three runs per game, they will find themselves atop the league standings and being gunned for in some of the most buzzed about playoff games come July. Oh yeah, in case you didn’t catch it, they divined their team name from a mash-up of the last names of their first roster: perhaps a real testament to a team made up of and depending on all of its parts.

Team Page: http://wiffleinsemiteams.blogspot.com/p/wiffling-deloppes.html

-
Brandon M. Corbett
F'n Squirrels, 17, P
President of Tangential Operations