Endorsements Everywhere!

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

With Brian Meyers of the KWL this morning breaking the story of commissioner Carl Coffee changing his name to "Maxwell House" as part of a sponsorship deal with the coffee company, now seems like the right time to come clean with all of the corporate endorsements that WSEM players have sullied the game with... I mean, have successfully gotten involved with to become household names, snag a little padding for their wallets, and grow the WSEM brand with consumers nationwide. [Full disclosure: Nationwide Insurance paid us handsomely for that spot.] Adam Grant has never been more proud of this league!

Alex Linebrink
Ray-Ban

Alex purchased his first pair of red lenses when trying out for the part of Cyclops in a local theatre's production of X-men. He did not land the part, but damn did he look good in the shades! He parlayed the confidence gained while wearing them into a fulfilling improv career, as well as a five-figure (if you count decimal places) endorsement deal with Ray-Ban when they took notice of his on-field swagger. Rating: Total swag!

Matt Murtha
Rip It

What's your best course of action when you make an energy drink that tastes awful and only gets drank when people don't have the 3 quarters and a nickle more it takes to buy something better? You hire a class act to be your spokesman! That is what Rip It did when they brought in Matt Murtha on an undisclosed deal, and their sales have increased three-fold! Now, with nine people drinking Rip It regularly, the company is looking to diversify its product line with a daily supplements series called "M-Train!"
Rating: All aboard!

Alex Shore
Apple iPhone

Some endorsements just seem so natural; Alex Shore will go Generation Y on your ass! Really, what better way to do that than with an iPhone and with the legion of young, Facebook-updating, Twitter-raging fans you get from appearing in Apple ads? By far the most lucrative deal struck yet by a WSEM player: four-figures up front, with a $500 bonus for every leaked sext message to or from a fan, along with a free phone to match every outfit in his wardrobe. You can count on this kind of money being thrown around to really drive up Shore's stock in free agency this off-season.
Rating: Game changer!

Brian Constanti
Cool Flo Elbo

The partnership between Brian and the surgeons behind Cool Flo Elbo is of the most symbiotic kind: Brian is given free experimental surgery to revolution his pitching, and the results - the resurgence of his dominance on the mound - say all they need to for the product. Cool Flo is an "advancement by simplification" of the technique used in the Easy Flow Elbow, mostly famously adorned in the arms of Bruce Willis and Romulox of the La Brea Tarpits. The wide range of movement the surgery grants to the arm gives more speed and nasty, unpredictable movement on pitches. It is, however, difficult to master use of the new joint: many practice sessions at home in front of the computer are prescribed to help the process. Wiffleball is an experimental game, so experimental surgeries seem right at home.
Rating: Bitchin'!