John "Going Down" Hill

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

John Hill, the voice of WSEM, abandoned us for Texas earlier this season. As if leaving us without his magical vocal chords was not hard enough, we saw Mr. Hill (yes only "saw," as he would not grace us with even a passing fix of his angelic tenor) in London, OH this past weekend and it has come to our attention that he has gotten involved in far more despicable things. 1) He has started taking steroids! To his credit, and that of the manufacturer, they have done amazing work in a short period of time: bumping up a shirt size, at least three pant sizes, as well as a few hat sizes, which brings us to John's second Texas-driven indiscretion. 2) He is wearing baseball caps with a flat-brim! Intolerable, John Hill! Unless you are just going for ironic social commentary. Still this pales in comparison to the third, truly ultimate crime against everything decent. 3) John Hill joined the Yankees! The Yankees?!? How? Why? Is he being blackmailed? Has he been put in witness protection? Is Texas water that badly tainted?

Oh, John Hill, what has Texas done to you?