Simulated Season #2: The One Where Carl Looks like a Genius

  

For the second simulation I modified the numerical values used. Instead of the simple 1 through 8 scheme, I went with an EA Sports-esque rating out of 100 for each team based on an average of pitching, hitting, and fielding. The lowest rating came in at 69, the highest at 92. As before, the two numbers were added together and the road team was given the set of numbers from one to their rating; the home team then took the remaining numbers. Compared to the first simulation there is a much smaller gap between team records from top to bottom this time. Overall, though, the results do not change much. Three teams - Aces, El Diablos, and Westside Warriors - that were in the top four last time again find themselves in the playoffs. Also, once again placing 8th, 7th and 6th, respectively, are the Belgian Wiffles, Islanders (head-to-head tiebreaker over Belgian), and King Friday. The one big difference in the outcome is one of two things that makes Carl look like a genius.

Simulated Standings
Garcia Division	W	L
El Diablos 2	18	10
Ducks	13	15
Islanders 0	10	18
Belgian Wiffles 0	10	18
Ringler Division	W	L
Wicked Aces 1	19	9
Westside Warriors 3	16	12
Holy Balls 4	14	14
King Friday 0	12	16
27 - 37

On the last Podcast Carl was certain that the Ducks will have a repeat of their rough 2012 season, while I took the stance they will return to the elite of the league in 2013. Well, according to this simulation, Carl nailed it. They fall from first place (20-8) in the last simulation to 13-15, and miss the playoffs. Carl also correctly gauged the Warriors, while I seem to have underrated them. Carl said they will outperform the Ducks. They did here. In fact, the record he cited was 16-12; exactly what the Warriors put up, which is good enough for the third seed.

The second thing Carl schools me on in this simulation is calling that Ringler will be the stronger of the two divisions. I have gone on record stating I am certain Garcia will win the season series, and still stand by that. For the moment, though, I look like the fool. Sounds easy to tie together being wrong about the balance of power with the swap of the Ducks and Warriors in the standings, however, the Ducks were the only Garcia team to have a winning record (9-7) against Ringler teams. So, I cannot pin my wrongness entirely on the Ducks.

The best thing that makes this simulation different from the first, though, has nothing to do with Carl being smart or me being an idiot. We get to simulate the playoffs this time!

The Wicked Aces claim the number-one seed winning the Ringler pennant with a 19-9 record. El Diablos win the Garcia pennant and second seed repeating their 18-10 record from the first simulation, pitting them against the third seeded Westside Warriors. The Holy Balls reprise their 14-14 record, but this time sneak into the fourth slot ahead of the Ducks to face the Aces in the first round.

In the 1 vs. 4 series, the Holy Balls go down to Poolside Park and take the first game from the Aces. The Aces respond, however, winning the next two games to advance to the Championship Series. El Diablos take advantage of home field at Pervis Memorial and sweep the Warriors in two games, moving on to challenge the defending champions in a best of five.

Pervis Memorial hosts the first two games. The Aces come out strong and take game one, but El Diablos respond taking game two and sending the teams to Poolside Park with the series even at a game a piece. The Aces are hard to beat at home, but El Diablos keep the momentum rolling on the road and take games three and four. Once again making a first-year team WSEM Champion!

Seeding by Simulation  Sim 1   Sim 2  Wicked Aces 2 1^ El Diablos 3 2^* Ducks 1^ 5 Westside Warriors 4 3 Holy Balls 5 4 King Friday 6 6 Islanders 7 7 Belgian Wiffles 8 8   ^ Pennant   * Championship Record by Simulation  Sim 1   Sim 2   OA  W L W L W L Wicked Aces 20 8 19 9 39 17 El Diablos 18 10 18 10 36 20 Ducks 20 8 13 15 33 23 Westside Warriors 15 13 16 12 31 25 Holy Balls 14 14 14 14 28 28 King Friday 13 15 12 16 25 31 Islanders 7 21 10 18 17 39 Belgian Wiffles 5 23 10 18 15 41

Islanders Go to the Source

		Coffee Time
		by Carl Coffee

Many Wifflers in WSEM started with us when the league was founded in 2011. Others were part of Downriver Wiffle when we started hosting tournaments in 2009. There are very few that go way back; they were part of the Downriver Wiffleball League that started in 2005. One more of those Wifflers from 2005 is making a triumphant comeback! His name is Timmy Anderson. I always called him Tim, or Tim A., or Timmay, but for this article I will refer to him as Timmy. Although it was called the Downriver Wiffleball League in 2005, it was not a league. We had two tournaments that spring/summer, and Timmy played in both of them. Switch-hitting Timmy took advantage of the short porches in the right fields of ‘The Rodney’ and ‘Gill Yards’, and took MVP honors in the second tournament we hosted, the Flag Day Wifflepalooza. He led that tournament in both HRs and RBI, but unfortunately his team was unable to win the championship. Timmy played in both DWL tournaments with Brandon Corbett, but then combined forces with myself, my brother Nick, and Corbs, and traveled to New Carlisle, IN to play in the inaugural (and still going on to this day) Hometown Days City Championship Tournament. Timmy was our pitcher for this tournament, and threw some of the sickest breaking balls at the time. The tournament was mid-pitch, but did not have a strike zone board. The only way you could strike out Timmy at the first ever DWL tournamentwas from swinging. This obviously hurt us badly, as many times Timmy would freeze batters with breaking balls in the “zone” that they would just watch go by without penalty. We still fared well in the tournament, however, and finished in third place out of sixteen teams. As the years go by and many new faces join the league, I for one am happy to have an original DWLer back. When Timmy informed me he would be returning to Michigan and wanted to join WSEM, I let Alex Linebrink know that Timmy was looking for a team. Timmy instantly signed to the Islanders, and gives the team some nice pitching depth. He has very similar stuff to Joe Seto, who is coincidentally also on the Islanders. I talked to Timmy recently and asked him some questions: Carl: When do you plan on returning to Michigan? Timmy: When the Army lets me. Carl: Thinking back to the early days of the Downriver Wiffleball League in 2005, did you ever think this league would grow so big? Timmy: It’s blown my mind. Carl: Do you still pitch? Timmy: On and off. I blew out my shoulder in 2006, so I lost some velocity. I am now even more of a control junk pitch freak. Carl: What are you most looking forward to? Timmy: Competing in something I am really good at against others who are as well. Carl: Do you think the Islanders can compete? Timmy: I am sure we can. I have faith in Alex and the others, plus every team needs an idiot, I can be that guy.

What to Watch for in 2013

by  Alex Shore

Stealing, black bats, and good-looking people are among some of the things that will make their presence known in 2013. Given that MLB pitchers and catchers reported to training camp this morning, I thought I would actually acknowledge my duties as WSEM players representative, report to my couch, and write a player based article. This season the league is down to eight teams, with lots of realignment within existing and rookie organizations. I will examine each team and give you my opinion on their pros and cons. Thus, without further delay, let's begin with the Garcia division. The reigning Garcia champion Ducks are the staple team in this division. What to watch for: Dennis Pearson, Dylan Braden and Michael Constanti. Cons: Now, last year I was onto something when I said Lewis would throw off the team chemistry, and now, I see the same out of Constanti disrupting the team chemistry. Bottom Line: Watch out for Dennis' and Dylan’s batting, (Remember these kids could crush the ball at one point, and now we give them a bigger bat?) and Constanti’s pitching help. They are shaky in their lack of depth, though, and that is alarming. Dennis and Mike could be relied on heavily, and I really don’t see any other options for this team. The Belgian Wiffles are next up. What to watch for: yet another plethora of rookies brought to you by David Buhr. Cons: Do they even have a pitcher? Bottom Line: Look for a team here that I predict will have a rebuilding type year, considering half of last year's Belgian Wiffles went on to form another team. That team would be El Diablos. What to watch for: Explosive young talent. Chandler Phillips, Kyle Tomlinson (2012 ROTY), and Craig Skinner took the league by storm last year and played very well for the Belgian wiffles. Cons: They struggled a bit at the plate last year. Bottom Line: If they hit better and pitch as well, I can see a top four team here. The last team in the Garcia is the Islanders. What to watch for: A new team with some old faces, and a potentially deadly lineup. Linebrink signed Ryan Bullard, Jason Hewlett and Joe Seto, all of these players have been around the game and have proven themselves. Cons: Gotta step it up at the plate if they want to stay alive this season. Moving onto the Ringler Division, I’ll start with the champs: the Whiteford Wicked Aces. What to watch for: Austin Bischoff, Joel Crozier, and Evan Bortmas?!!? That’s a powerful team. Cons: Do you see any? I don’t. Bottom Line: They are a force and, in my opinion, are this years “team to beat.” This team is completely well rounded. Next up on the list are the returning Westside Warriors. What to watch for: some upgraded uniforms, new rookies, and returning veteran players. Cons: With the loss of Sam Hatt, pitching is thin. The Warriors need someone to step up and become a solid number three option. Bottom Line: This team can be deadly with the old Maclin Malloy, new Kiefer Haffey, and the bats of Shore and Greg Voutsos, not to mention the return of Nick Woods. Next up is King Friday. What to watch for: Two Coffees, a Matt Murtha sighting, and Adam Cosby. The cons: This team needs someone to step up on the batting end. Bottom Line: It's nice to see King Friday upgrade, look for a better season out of this team than last years King Friday squad. The last team up is Holy Balls. What to watch for: A group of WSEM veterans that can always take a game or two away from you at any time. Cons: A need for rookie players and pitching depth. Bottom Line: This team can make a run at the playoffs and are the potential surprise squad out of this season.

2nd Annual Fantasy Snowball Fight

		Coffee Time
		by Carl Coffee

Last year, I put together a fantasy snowball tournament with the top 16 pitchers in the league. For four days, the 16 pitchers battled in a single elimination tournament until one pitcher came out victorious. Dennis Pearson ended up taking the crown. This year, we will once again have 16 pitchers facing off, but it won’t be a single elimination format. It won’t be double elimination either, it will be a triple elimination bracket.

Just like last year I seeded the top 16 pitchers in the league, with each team having to have at least one representative. Sorry to guys like Crozier, Castle, and Hewlett. You obviously deserve to be on here more than Jason Matt, but Belgian needed a representative. Enjoy the craziness!

Participants
1.	Austin Bischoff	(WA)		2.	Sam Hatt	(WW)
3.	Evan Bortmas	(WA)		4.	Evan Bischoff	(WA)
5.	Michael Constanti	(DU)		6.	Craig Skinner	(EL)
7.	Adam Cosby	(KF)		8.	Dennis Pearson	(DU)
9.	Brandon Corbett	(HB)		10.	Chandler Phillips	(EL)
11.	Chris Paquin	(HB)		12.	Alex Shore	(WW)
13.	Matt Murtha	(KF)		14.	Joe Seto	(IS)
15.	Alex Linebrink	(IS)		16.	Jason Matt	(BW)

Winner's Bracket - Round 1
1. Austin Bischoff defeats 16. Jason Matt
	9. Brandon Corbett defeats 8. Dennis Pearson
5. Michael Constanti defeats 12. Alex Shore
	4. Evan Bischoff defeats 13. Matt Murtha
3. Evan Bortmas defeats 14. Joe Seto
	6. Craig Skinner defeats 11. Chris Paquin
10. Chandler Phillips defeats 7. Adam Cosby
	2. Sam Hatt defeats 15. Alex Linebrink

Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 1
8. Dennis Pearson defeats 16. Jason Matt
	9. Matt Murtha defeats 12. Alex Shore
11. Chris Paquin defeats 14. Joe Seto
	7. Adam Cosby defeats 15. Alex Linebrink

Winner's Bracket - Round 2
1. Austin Bischoff defeats 9. Brandon Corbett
	4. Evan Bischoff defeats 5. Mike Constanti
6. Craig Skinner defeats 3. Evan Bortmas
	2. Sam Hatt defeats 10. Chandler Phillips

Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 2
10. Chandler Phillips defeats 8. Dennis Pearson
	3. Evan Bortmas defeats 13. Matt Murtha
5. Mike Constanti defeats 11. Chris Paquin
	7. Adam Cosby defeats 9. Brandon Corbett

Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 1
11. Chris Paquin defeats 16. Jason Matt
	9. Brandon Corbett defeats 12. Alex Shore
8. Dennis Pearson defeats 14. Joe Seto
	13. Matt Murtha defeats 15. Alex Linebrink

After five rounds of play, we finally have our first eliminations and our down to our final 12 participants. There haven’t been any monumental upsets yet, but there is lot of snowballing still to play. Below is an update of how everyone is doing.

1.	Austin Bischoff	2-0	Winner's Bracket
2.	Sam Hatt	2-0	Winner's Bracket
3.	Evan Bortmas	2-1	Loser's Bracket 1
4.	Evan Bischoff	2-0	Winner's Bracket
5.	Mike Constanti	2-1	Loser's Bracket 1
6.	Craig Skinner	2-0	Winner's Bracket
7.	Adam Cosby	2-1	Loser's Bracket 1
8.	Dennis Pearson	2-2	Loser's Bracket 2
9.	Brandon Corbett	2-2	Loser's Bracket 2
10.	Chandler Phillips	2-1	Loser's Bracket 1
11.	Chris Paquin	2-2	Loser's Bracket 2
12.	Alex Shore	0-3	Eliminated
13.	Matt Murtha	2-2	Loser's Bracket 2
14.	Joe Seto	0-3	Eliminated
15.	Alex Linebrink	0-3	Eliminated
16.	Jason Matt	0-3	Eliminated

Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 2
11. Chris Paquin defeats 9. Brandon Corbett
	8. Dennis Pearson defeats 13. Matt Murtha

Winner's Bracket - Round 3
1. Austin Bischoff defeats 4. Evan Bischoff
	6. Craig Skinner defeats 2. Sam Hatt

Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 3
3. Evan Bortmas defeats 10. Chandler Phillips
	5. Michael Constanti defeats 7. Adam Cosby

Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 4
4. Evan Bischoff defeats 3. Evan Bortmas
	2. Sam Hatt defeats 5. Michael Constanti

Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 3
10. Chandler Phillips defeats 11. Chris Paquin
	7. Adam Cosby defeats 8. Dennis Pearson

Five more rounds have been completed, and four more participants have been eliminated. In the Winner’s Bracket final, #1 seed Austin Bischoff took care of business and went 3-0. He will face #6 seed Craig Skinner who upset both Evan Bortmas and Sam Hatt. Evan Bischoff and Hatt are both sitting pretty with only one loss, and Michael Constanti, Chandler Phillips, Evan Bortmas, and Adam Cosby all are a game away from being eliminated.

1.	Austin Bischoff	3-0	Winner's Bracket
2.	Sam Hatt	3-1	Loser's Bracket 1
3.	Evan Bortmas	3-2	Loser's Bracket 2
4.	Evan Bischoff	3-1	Loser's Bracket 1
5.	Michael Constanti	3-2	Loser's Bracket 2
6.	Craig Skinner	3-0	Winner's Bracket
7.	Adam Cosby	3-2	Loser's Bracket 2
8.	Dennis Pearson	3-3	Eliminated
9.	Brandon Corbett	2-3	Eliminated
10.	Chandler Phillips	3-2	Loser's Bracket 2
11.	Chris Paquin	3-3	Eliminated
12.	Alex Shore	0-3	Eliminated
13.	Matt Murtha	2-3	Eliminated
14.	Joe Seto	0-3	Eliminated
15.	Alex Linebrink	0-3	Eliminated
16.	Jason Matt	0-3	Eliminated

Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 4
5. Michael Constanti defeats 10. Chandler Phillips
	3. Evan Bortmas defeats 7. Adam Cosby

Winner's Bracket - Finals
6. Craig Skinner	defeats	1. Austin Bischoff

Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 5
2. Sam Hatt	defeats	4. Evan Bischoff

Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 5
5. Michael Constanti	defeats	3. Evan Bortmas

Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 6
5. Michael Constanti	defeats	3. Evan Bischoff

After five more quick rounds, we are down to the final four. In another stunning upset, Craig Skinner goes to 4-0 and takes down Austin Bischoff in the Winner’s Bracket final. With only one loss, top seeds Austin Bischoff and Sam Hatt are both very much alive. Constanti pulled off three straight wins to stay alive, and is hanging on by a thread.

1.	Austin Bischoff	3-1	Loser's Bracket 1
2.	Sam Hatt	4-1	Loser's Bracket 1
3.	Evan Bortmas	4-3	Eliminated
4.	Evan Bischoff	3-3	Eliminated
5.	Michael Constanti	5-2	Loser's Bracket 2
6.	Craig Skinner	4-0	Winner's Bracket
7.	Adam Cosby	3-3	Eliminated
8.	Dennis Pearson	3-3	Eliminated
9.	Brandon Corbett	2-3	Eliminated
10.	Chandler Phillips	3-3	Eliminated
11.	Chris Paquin	3-3	Eliminated
12.	Alex Shore	0-3	Eliminated
13.	Matt Murtha	2-3	Eliminated
14.	Joe Seto	0-3	Eliminated
15.	Alex Linebrink	0-3	Eliminated
16.	Jason Matt	0-3	Eliminated

Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 6
1. Austin Bischoff	defeats	2. Sam Hatt

Winner's Bracket Champion vs. Loser's Bracket 1 - Round 7
1. Austin Bischoff	defeats	6. Craig Skinner

Loser's Bracket 1 - Finals
1. Austin Bischoff	defeats	6. Craig Skinner

Loser's Bracket 2 - Round 7
2. Sam Hatt	defeats	5. Michael Constanti

Loser's Bracket 2 - Finals
6. Craig Skinner	defeats	2. Sam Hatt

With four participants left, Austin Bischoff proved why he is the #1 seed. Austin sent Hatt to the 2nd Loser’s Bracket and then beat Skinner twice to also send him there as well. Hatt then eliminated Constanti, but was then quickly eliminated by Skinner. In the Championship, Austin will face off against Skinner for the 4th and maybe 5th time in the tournament. Skinner will need to beat Austin twice since he only has one loss.

1.	Austin Bischoff	6-1	Championship
2.	Sam Hatt	5-3	Eliminated
3.	Evan Bortmas	4-3	Eliminated
4.	Evan Bischoff	3-3	Eliminated
5.	Michael Constanti	5-3	Eliminated
6.	Craig Skinner	5-2	Championship
7.	Adam Cosby	3-3	Eliminated
8.	Dennis Pearson	3-3	Eliminated
9.	Brandon Corbett	2-3	Eliminated
10.	Chandler Phillips	3-3	Eliminated
11.	Chris Paquin	3-3	Eliminated
12.	Alex Shore	0-3	Eliminated
13.	Matt Murtha	2-3	Eliminated
14.	Joe Seto	0-3	Eliminated
15.	Alex Linebrink	0-3	Eliminated
16.	Jason Matt	0-3	Eliminated

Championship - Game 1
6. Craig Skinner	defeats	1. Austin Bischoff

Championship - Game 2
6. Craig Skinner	defeats	1. Austin Bischoff

Just when you thought Skinner was out of it, he defeats Austin twice to take down the 2nd Annual Fantasy Snowball Tournament. Skinner went 7-2, and defeated some of the best pitchers throughout the tournament in upset fashion. Congrats to the El Diablos ace on a very fun and exciting tournament victory!

Final Standings
1.	#6 Craig Skinner	7-2
2.	#1 Austin Bischoff	6-3
3.	#2 Sam Hatt	5-3
4.	#5 Michael Constanti	5-3
5.	#4 Evan Bischoff	3-3
6.	#3 Evan Bortmas	4-3
T-7.	#7 Adam Cosby	3-3
T-7.	#10 Chandler Phillips	3-3
T-9.	#8 Dennis Pearson	3-3
T-9.	#11 Chris Paquin	3-3
T-11.	#9 Brandon Corbett	2-3
T-11.	#13 Matt Murtha	2-3
T-13.	#12 Alex Shore	0-3
T-13.	#14 Joe Seto	0-3
T-13.	#15 Alex Linebrink	0-3
T-13.	#16 Jason Matt	0-3

Divided We Stand

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

The knee-jerk reaction at the Winter Meeting to the 2013 divisional draw was that Ringler would again be the elite division. I remember a similar stirring about the other division, Garcia, in 2012 and look at how that turned out. Yes, one of the strongest Garcia teams left mid-season; so, let's assume they would have gone 6-2 in their remaining games against Ringler teams. That still would have seen a 39-21 advantage to Ringler. Closer? Sure. Close? Nah.

What's the point of this revisionist history lesson? Obviously, we'd never make it as fortune tellers. No matter how many nipples we had. We are terrible at predictions [unless you're talking about Commissioner Coffee on Opening Night]. Still, though, the "Ringler is the better division" mentality is running strong. Having been the second team drawn into Ringler, King Friday posted this on their Facebook wall Sunday:

"King Friday lands in the Ringler Division. Joining them are the 2012 Champions, Whitefor(d) Wicked Aces. Also, the Westside Warriors and Holy Balls are in the Ringler. It once again appears to be the tougher division, awesome....."

Note the extra two dots on that ellipsis for emphasis. That's a long, deep sigh. I also asked around a bit for people's expected W-L record between the two divisions in their upcoming 64 games. The most common response is for a 38-26 Ringler victory. The average slides marginally toward the middle at 36-28; advantage Ringler.

I'm not sure I buy this "dominant Ringler" idea, though. At least one person is with me, predicting an even 32-32 split of the series. In his words, "I actually went through each matchup individually and fully believe that it will be 32-32. These divisions are fairly even." I cannot echo that perfectly even sentiment. However, I actually see Garcia having a slight advantage.

There are two teams on that side who I can see winning a few series 4-0 and possibly taking all but one series 3-1: Ducks and El Diablos. In 2012 the Ducks took things easy during the season, knowing they'd easily make the playoffs with home field in the first round. With only four teams getting in this season, they will not be sitting back. They have also improved their rotation with the Constanti and Castle signings, and have as dangerous a hitting lineup as ever with Pearson, Dylan Braden, Nagorski and Castle. El Diablos are heavily underrated, and I think the overlooking of them is what is driving the "Ringler dominant" train. Having the bats of Tomlinson and, rookie signing, Lollio along with Skinner and Chandler Phillips on the mound makes for a very strong lineup. I fully expect El Diablos and the Ducks to be neck and neck for the Garcia pennant. Similarly to El Diablos, I think the Islanders and Belgian Wiffles are being very underrated.

On the other side, the Wicked Aces are clearly the favorites across the league to defend their championship. However, I am already eating crow on my bold ass prediction that the Warriors will win the Commissioner's Cup. The loss of Hatt and hearing the extent of uncertainty about what will be put on the field has not only stopped me from drinking the Kool-aid, it has made me spit it out all over the floor. I do not see this team as a power anymore. They now join the Balls and Friday as teams fighting to be over .500, and what results is a hand dealt to Ringler 2013 similar to that held by Garcia 2012.

I do not see it being anywhere near as one-sided as last season, but I do see Garcia chipping away at the all-time head-to-head record; going 36-28 against Ringler in 2013.

One Last Rodeo

   by  Brandon Corbett  w/  Mike Constanti

"You have to be committed if you wanna operate a franchise."

On Tuesday night Mike Constanti announced plans to retire after the 2013 season to league headquarters. He cited wanting to spend the time Wiffleball takes up with his family in the future, and focusing on his son's efforts in baseball instead. Mike's current plans, though, are to go out on top. "I'm goin' for the Clown Shu this year," he says, and he will give it all on the field for the Ducks. Speaking of the field, he also mentioned using Constanti Field as a home for the Ducks. If true, it is fitting since it was the first WSEM field to earn "The Swamp" nickname. Constanti also took the opportunity to speak on other things around the league.

One thing many may be interested in, he provided some insight into why he chose to leave the Squirrels and sign with the Ducks. "That trade between the Squirrels and Belgians before the first day of (the) playoffs was bullshit and embarassing. Still shaking my head on why? Kind of a deciding factor of why I pursued to play somewhere else," Mike admitted, adding, "please, let's have a hard set deadline for trades." The reason for that trade has been kept guarded, as it is of a personal and private nature. However, the motive was to keep all players on the field. It will come as good news to Mike, though, that a trade deadline date has been set: the final day of Week 10, which is June 25th for the 2013 season.

Having thrown himself into the Clown Shu discussion, he also offered his opinions on this year's changes to give batters a boost. "Mound is moved back... I actually like this rule, 'cause it gives the hitter an extra milisecond or two to adjust and make contact. Some of these guys have rocket arms, so this will help." Mike is not as thrilled with the new bats, though. "I, for one, am against (Griffey bats) for the simple fact it takes the game away from what it is. Wiffleball... I don't really follow what other leagues around the country do, but when I think of Wiffleball, I think of the yellow bat." Constanti's opinion on the Griffeys, and moreso his love of the traditional yellows, surprised me. Then, he immediately surprised me again with his thoughts on the hottest issue around the league right now:

"I am in huge favor of this (steals) rule, especially for it being limit(ed). There is strategic value and (it) moves more runners into scoring position. This will definitely help."

Gun to my head? I would have pegged Mike as being of the opposite persuasion on those two issues. It is neat that you can still learn something new about someone at their retirement announcement. He then applauded the new playoff system where only four teams get in, "Imagine the races at the end of the season for division title and the wild card. Every game means something. This will improve the interest of all the teams in the league. Stakes are higher!!!" Before turning his attention to the league as a whole.

"Carl and Brandon have done a very nice job running the league and more importantly promoting it. Gives us that big league feel. You go on the website and it's about us. The stats, the articles from random players, the podcast (my favorite), the game of the week, Youtube videos and highlights, archives, and the list goes on and on. Shines the lights on individuals and teams, makes everyone apart of something. You can see the Commandos vs. King Friday for game of the week just to see who gets out of the cellar first. There's something for everyone."

In addition to the praise, he also brought up an issue he has had with scheduling since the dawn of WSEM when he was captain of the Ass Kickers.

"I'm goin' for the Clown Shu."

"The biggest down fall I think, and it sounds like the problem may be solved, is the schedule issue. I would hate to be a manager last year. As much as I give credit to the way the website is done, I lost count of how many x's and scratches there were on games of the week... I know we all have lives, but if you run a team, it is your job to make sure your team is available so you don't screw the league and the opposing managers who put time aside for your team for a series. You have to be committed if you wanna operate a franchise."

Constanti is right on all accounts here. There were a ridiculous amount of cancellations in 2012, many of them late, and going forward we will have a set weekly schedule for series to avoid that problem. Most importantly, though, Mike absolutely nailed what a captain's responsibility is to his team, his opponents, and the league.

"I like to see this league thrive to heights which it has never seen before. The league is great now, but there is always room for improvement, and I'm very glad there is always change to make it better."

Mike Constanti will be missed in 2014, but that is still a long way off. He is a two-time All-Star and is named the #35 best pitcher of all-time in the NWLA with a career record of 16-5 and ERA of 1.12. Mike is gearing up for one last wild, plastic rodeo, and he plans on going out in glory with the Clown Shu, Commissioner's Cup and this proud exclamation that, "Constanti Field will be open for DUCK season!!!"

Good Times and a Heated Argument in a Wiffle Wonderland

		A Cup of Nick Coffee
		by Nick Coffee

With a new season just around the corner, the WSEM Winter Meeting took place this past Saturday. Snow painted the ground more beautifully than a Van Gogh, beer flowed like a cheap box of wine, and the chip dip was so hot, it made our teeth sweat. One by one, captains and team representatives piled into the small 2-bedroom apartment eagerly waiting to hear Carl and Corbett announce divisional picks, scheduling, formats and new rules. It was nice to see some of the guys I haven’t seen since the season. There were good times, a lot of laughs, a heated argument, and a spontaneous Wiffleball game that broke out in the tennis courts. All in all, it was a good meeting.

Carl told me that around 15 guys were coming over for this winter meeting and I tried to reserve the apartment complex’s banquet hall, but obviously that didn’t work out so we had to squeeze everyone in our apartment. However, it really didn’t seem that cramped. I enjoyed making some snacks for everyone and it gave me another opportunity to make an extremely spicy dip that includes Sriacha-infused beef, 6 jalapeno peppers and 12 habaneros. Most people tried it, some enjoyed it, and others couldn’t feel their tongues for the rest of the day. I didn’t mind having everyone over, it gave us a reason to get drunk, have fun and after everyone left, fully clean the apartment.

I had to do something that I swore I never would, I had to tweet. Carl gave me the duty of tweeting things that came up during the meeting, including teams and their divisions. I think King Friday has a tough road ahead of them finding themselves in the stacked Ringler division. Other news that was brought up is that teams will pay $200 this year. That seems like a lot considering it’s only a Wiffleball league and you still have to buy your own jerseys, but after seeing the breakdown it’s really not that outrageous [Ed. note: $25 per person, roughly]. I know that Carl and Corbett had to go out of pocket every year since they’ve started running leagues and tournaments. They are obviously not doing this to make money.

I think the biggest change for next year is the bats. When I think Wiffleball, I think of the traditional yellow bat and classic plastic ball. Taking the yellow bat out of the equation makes hitting extremely competitive and might add many homeruns and more powerful hits. Not to mention with the pitchers backing up a few more feet this year, too. We are also including stealing bases to this year’s season. I didn’t think this would turn into what it did. After a heated debate between 2 captains and the commissioner, we turned to a vote. 4 were for it and 4 were against. It came down to the original ruling of “steals are legal”. There will be only 2 attempts per game and you cannot steal home, which was originally up for debate at the meeting, but was quickly and wisely scratched off the agenda. After that there were a couple tweaks and rules with trades, temporary players, jersey guidelines, satellite tournaments, and the playoff format.

After adjournment, the remaining 9 guys decided to head out to the tennis courts to play a 5-on-4 game of snow Wiffle. We used the bigger barreled Nerf bat and it was slow-pitch. It was extremely fun and Carl hit a walk-off home run to win the game. However, after watching the video, it was later ruled that the home run only got us to within 2 or 3 runs from the lead and playing should have continued. I think it’s safe to say that we can call that one a draw.

So after all that excitement, am I ready for the season? I’d say so. I’ll have a bottle of booze in one hand and the new Griffey bat in the other. I’m ready to see some new fields and tear it up. I can’t wait to see the competitiveness I saw from the meeting and at that snow game in a setting that actually counts for something. I see drive, motivation, and passion in each player. You wouldn’t have wasted your time traveling to Farmington Hills on a snowy Saturday afternoon if you didn’t love this game. I wouldn’t have wasted my time cooking, cleaning, tweeting and letting all you guys come into our apartment that day. That reminds me, somebody stole the rest of the moonshine. I would have brought it up at the meeting, but there was no way in hell that I was going to bring up stealing again.