2013 Alternate Reality Fantasy Draft

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

WSEM does not have a draft. However, out there somewhere, is a much cooler alternate reality in which WSEM does have a draft! Many of their criteria for draft choices may also seem alien to us. Although, I must confess, I think I may have been born there. The order for their 2013 WSEM draft starts with the four new franchises (or those returning after a year off) randomly assigned. Then picks four to eight are the returning 2012 franchises in reverse order from last year's finish. Conveniently for us, their 2012 season had the same results that we did. Additionally, it is set up as a snake draft, so the order flip flops in the second round. All players in the 2013 rookie class are available - conveniently for us again, these happen to be the exact same guys that we have entering the league.

Commissioner Coffee is stepping to the podium...     

First Round
1.  Westside Warriors  -   1.  El Diablos  -  With the first pick in the 2013 Alt. Reality Fantasy Draft, El Diablos trade up to select Nicco Lollio, UT/P! Captain Phillips remarks on the pick: "There was a lot of interest in Nicco. We had to move up to make sure we got him. We need him; he's the guy in charge of El Diablos' live chicken!"
		2.  Islanders  -  "Everyone knows how much I love Islanders. And sure, anyone I select here would be an Islander, but this guy has an island named after him!" - Capt. Linebrink With the second pick in the 2013 Alt. Reality Fantasy Draft, the Islanders choose Greg Brannan, P/UT.
3.  Holy Balls  -"More than anything what the Balls organization lacks is great facial hair. We went all in for the beard," states Captain Paquin. In fact, when he handed the pick to Comm. Coffee the paper read, "give us the bearded Braden!" Luckily for Carl, Greg had just been taken, so he had little trouble determining the Holy Balls' pick at number three: Mark Brannan, OF/P.
		4.  El Diablos  -   4.  Westside Warriors  -   4.  Ducks  -  "The Ducks trade up to the number four pick. With it they select ... Michael Sessions, OF," the Commissioner's heart deflates as he completes that sentence. Interim Captain Constanti explains, "we didn't really come into the draft with a plan. I know Carl has a man-crush on 'the Mayor,' so I just wanted to mess with him, and maybe Friday's board a bit. Thankfully, Shore was still interested in grabbing more picks."
5.  King Friday  -  Coffee never leaves the stage after the Ducks selection. Instead, unconventionally, bringing up his King Friday teammates, holding their war room discussion right there, then spinning the podium mic to Captain Hurd to announce Friday's pick: "Nice try, Ducks, but we have a lot of guys we're looking at. At number five King Friday takes Matt Dancza, P." The music starts up, but Hurd goes right into the reasoning, "he fills a need in our pitching rotation. Figured, if Tony Danza can be Mel Clark, then Matt - with that 'c' added in there - can be even greater for King Friday."
		6.  Belgian Wiffles  -  With the sixth pick in the Alt. Reality Draft, Belgian Wiffles select Patrick Misch, OF. "I heard Alex (Linebrink) raving about Misch on a podcast. His excitement about him as a player - a rookie of the year contender - ... You can't fake that intensity. Without a doubt 'the Mischief Man' will be Belgian's second consecutive RotY, AND maintain our clubhouse having the best nicknames!" - Captain Buhr
7.  Ducks  -   7.  Westside Warriors  -  "I want a lot of players in this draft, and need more than two picks to do that. Had to trade back from one. At four, I felt confident neither Belgian or Friday would touch my guys, and knew what the Ducks were up to. So, this has all fallen into place perfectly so far." - Capt. Shore on his draft strategy With the number seven pick in the 2013 Alt. Reality Fantasy Draft, the Westside Warriors select Keifer Haffey, P/OF.
		8.  Whiteford Wicked Aces  -  For the final pick of the first round the Wicked Aces asked for special consideration from the commissioner to announce their selection in the following manner: "The Whiteford Wicked Aces take Shane Henry, the eighth pick in the 2013 Draft," Carl read it as written, adding only, "... Really? I see what you did there," at the end.
Second Round
9.  Whiteford Wicked Aces  -  Austin Bischoff on the pick: "Our scouts told us this guy has great wheels. We took that to mean speed, and that's an invaluable tool as everyone knows. Turns out they actually meant cars, but hey, that's still pretty cool." With the first pick of the second round, ninth overall, the Wicked Aces select Dan McLaughlin, OF.
		10.  Ducks  -   10.  Westside Warriors  -  With the tenth pick in the 2013 Alt. Reality Draft, the Westside Warriors select James Barone, UT. "Right after taking back my Wiffle captain's chair, I started dabbling as a Wiffle talent agent. I seek out talent, like Barone, then try to keep them off everyone else's radar. Guess what? I'm good at it! Jimmy's a steal in the second round!" - Capt. Shore
11.  Belgian Wiffles  -  With the eleventh pick, Belgian Wiffles select Jason Hollister, P/OF. "Belgian's always interested in getting our name out there and bringing in new fans. Winning 'team nickname of the year' in 2011 and playing on opening night are great, but now bringing in Hollister is going to be our in with a younger crowd: his connection to the clothing company, California, the West Coast; that's where it's at!" - Capt. Buhr
		12.  King Friday  -  Friday spends the full 15 minutes locked in their war room this time, before Commissioner Coffee walks out to the podium to name Timmy Anderson as the pick by King Friday at number twelve. Captain Hurd elatedly explains the selection, "Timmy is a wildly creative pitcher. Put him on the Field of Make-Believe and batter's won't be able to imagine the stuff coming at them!"
13.  El Diablos  -   13.  Westside Warriors  -  Captain Shore didn't give an interview in front of cameras after the Warriors selection at thirteen, instead electing to simply tweet his reaction for the media: "#boom" With the thirteenth pick in the Alt. Reality Fantasy Draft, the Westside Warriors take Robbert Leggert, UT.
		14.  Holy Balls  -  Coffee barely had time to complete his bear hug with Leggert before he was handed the next envelope with the Holy Balls pick at fourteen: Cody Steele, UT. Paquin speaks on the selection, "Great pick. Stealing is something we always forget about. Figure seeing the name 'Steele' on the lineup card will remind us to use those. Plus, you know, 'Balls'... 'Steele'... 'Balls of Steele!'"
15.  Islanders  -  Hootin' and hollerin' can be heard from the open door of the Islanders' war room after the Balls pick at 14. They still take a few minutes to send in their pick; time likely spent further celebrating. With the fifteenth pick, the Islanders select Thomas DeMaria, UT. "We caught wind of the guy's nickname: "Bones". We fly a pirate flag. It's a perfect match! Can't believe how lucky we are to have him fall to us. This is fantastic," Linebrink cheers.
		16.  Westside Warriors  -  His name was originally Easserling, but he changed it five minutes before the start of the draft to keep him off other clubs' draft boards - the final tool in Shore's stealthy draft strategy - and show solidarity with his new team. With the final pick in the 2013 Alternate Reality Fantasy Draft, the Westside Warriors take Douglas Wesserling, UT.

Dad

		A Cup of Nick Coffee
		by Nick Coffee

There are many questions and mysteries in the game of Wiffleball. For example: What are the reasons for different rules? Why do some people run the bases after a homerun? Why are grown men playing this children's game? Most questions can be answered by members of the league, the WSEM website or even earlier articles I've written. There is still one question that remains to be unanswered. A question that a few people have asked, but received no answer. This is the true enigma of WSEM that has haunted the players, the spectators and other teams and leagues across the nation. Why in the hell do we call each other "dad"?

The history of dad has a few back-stories and, like any nickname or inside joke, the true reasoning can sometimes be exaggerated, inaccurate, or just plain forgotten. I don't remember how much we called each other dad in the regular season, but during the NWLA tournament in Columbus, it seemed like we were dubbing everyone the fatherly nickname. I believe fans from other leagues, and maybe even the players, thought we were a bunch of gays. I suppose if I heard men calling other men dad and were clearly not their dads, I would have some level of curiosity myself. We used the term so much that when Corbett made a video portraying the weekend, he appropriately named it "Day of the Living Dads".

I don't think it's weird that we call each other dad. I know many people that call other guys brother or bro who aren't their brother. I've even heard guys being called cuz, when they aren't cousins. Why would it be such a big deal that we call someone dad who isn't our real dad? I think it's a term of endearment from a tight brotherhood that we've formed. I am truly happy when teammates or other players call me dad, as should they.

But where did it come from? Who started calling someone dad? And how weirded out did that other guy get when another dude called him dad for that first time? The first theory is that we started it in Myrtle Beach. It was 2006 and Carl was there for a summer internship and I visited him for a week. A couple days into the visit, two friends drove down from Michigan to hang out for the remainder of my visit. We quoted lines from The Breakfast Club the whole time. “Geeeeee dad”, we would say. “You can do it on the boat!” was another popular quote. Along with this, we called each other dad the whole time. Is it from the movie? Is this where it all started? Nope.

The year was 2001. I was in my junior year of high school, Carl was starting his epic college career, planes were flying into buildings and I had a buddy who was a sophomore named Chris Case. For some odd reason he made this weird voice and would say “hey dad” to his friends, including me. I didn’t think much of it then, but I sure remember it now. I don’t know the real reason why he starting calling us dad, but he’s the reason why it’s become such a normal moniker in WSEM. I’m sorry there’s not a cool back-story of the history of dad, but I think the truth should finally be told. I haven’t talked to Chris since high school. I don’t know where he lives, where he works, I don’t even know if he’s still alive. But I think we should give credit where it’s due. So on the behalf of WSEM and the rest of the Wiffleball community I want to give our gratitude to Chris Case. To the history, the mystery, and the innovator. Thanks dad.

Simulated Season #3: The Thiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrd

  

Our third simulated season follows the recently announced week-by-week schedule, and again uses a random number generator to decide the winner of each game. Each team's range of numbers used in this simulation has been updated based on performance at Satellite #1 and other information coming in.

Simulated Standings
Garcia Division	W	L
El Diablos 2	19	19
Ducks 3	17	11
Belgian Wiffles 0	12	16
Islanders 0	6	22
Ringler Division	W	L
Wicked Aces 1	22	6
Westside Warriors 4	15	13
Holy Balls 0	13	15
King Friday 0	8	20
30 - 34

One team who benefits from the updates, to no one's surprise, is Belgian Wiffles. Their 12-16 finish is their best so far. It puts them in sixth place, just one win shy of fifth, and three wins out of the playoffs. Belgian is the only team to show better in each subsequent simulation: jumping from 5 to 10 wins, now to 12. This echoes the real-life scenario of the team, wherein those around the league are starting to see a real competitor there.

The Ducks rebound from a poor showing in the last simulation with 17 wins and making the playoffs as the third seed. Unlike Belgian, this outcome seems to run counter to popular opinion after the Ducks were bounced out of Satellite #1 without a win, and questions arose regarding the supposed dominance of their pitching. However, I'd wager this result is perfect for the Ducks, as history has shown us we should expect this team to surge back after a poor performance.

Once again the Wicked Aces finish with the Ringler Pennant and best regular season record; this time at 22-6, the best record seen yet in a simulation. For the second straight simulation, though, they fail to win the WSEM Championship. The team to beat them was again El Diablos, who also won the Garcia Division for the second consecutive time. El Diablos also finished the season with their best record yet: 19-9. These two teams are the preseason favorites, so it is no surprise to see simulated dynasties forming for the pair of them.

Meanwhile, both the Westside Warriors and Holy Balls took a one-game step back this time. That slipped the former from the third seed to fourth, sending them to Poolside Park for their first round series, and cost the latter a playoff berth. The Warriors still remain above .500 (15-13), though, while the Balls fall below .500 (13-15) for the first time. This can be directly attributed to the Warriors winning the head-to-head season series 3-1.

The biggest moves this simulation belong to King Friday and the Islanders. Both won four less games than previously, which pushed them down to 7th and 8th place, respectively.

No Home Field Advantage in Random Numbers

Five teams own .500 records or better at home, but only the Holy Balls managed more wins at home than they did on the road (7 at home, 6 on the road). Additionally, only the Islanders came away with an equal number of home and road wins.

Seeding by Simulation  Sim 1   Sim 2   Sim 3  Wicked Aces 2 1^ 1^ El Diablos 3 2^* 2^* Ducks 1^ 5 3 Westside Warriors 4 3 4 Holy Balls 5 4 5 King Friday 6 6 7 Belgian Wiffles 8 8 6 Islanders 7 7 8   ^ Pennant   * Championship Record by Simulation  Sim 1   Sim 2   Sim 3   OA  W L W L W L W L Wicked Aces 20 8 19 9 22 6 61 23 El Diablos 18 10 18 10 19 9 55 29 Ducks 20 8 13 15 17 11 50 34 Westside Warriors 15 13 16 12 15 13 46 38 Holy Balls 14 14 14 14 13 15 41 43 King Friday 13 15 12 16 8 20 33 51 Belgian Wiffles 5 23 10 18 12 16 27 57 Islanders 7 21 10 18 6 22 23 61

Team Observations from Satellite #1

		Coffee Time
		by Carl Coffee

0 - 2

Although the Ducks were the only winless team at the tournament, I am not worried about them whatsoever. This is a team built for a full season, not for tournaments. Dennis showed he still has the heat, and I expect him to adjust to the 48’ distance well. He also hit one of the loudest home runs I have ever heard. Constanti was very vocal about not liking the new distance, and was a bit shaky on the mound. Now a #2 pitcher, I also expect him to bounce back though. I was very impressed with the Ducks defense, as they seemed to be more alert in the field than in the past.

1 - 2

In typical Alex Linebrink fashion, he brought a team that was fun to watch and even more fun to play against. In the first game of the tournament, Alex and the new look Islanders came back to beat the Belgian Wiffles 8-7. The main reason they won was because of Jason Hewlett’s performance on the mound. Alex didn’t have it that day, but Hewlett sure did. Hewlett also made three outstanding plays in the field in their 2nd round game against King Friday. The Islanders are the epitome of how I wish all teams in the league should act on the field, but don’t sleep on them as they showed they can come back and beat you if you take them lightly.

1 - 2

The Holy Balls came out of the gates fast, beating the Ducks rather easily in their first game. Corbett had three home runs and Paquin showed he has the stuff of an ace. In the 2nd game against the very tough El Diablos, Chris Lewis was not able to get his signature riser pitch going and they were mercied. In their third game against the Belgian Wiffles, the Balls seemed to be a little deflated and they were eliminated. Nick Braden’s easy going fun attitude was missed, but I do expect the more this team plays together, the more cohesive they will become.

1 - 2

King Friday wasn’t able to bring their full roster, but they showed some signs of life against the Islanders in their first game. Matt Murtha pitched a gem, and also had an impressive three-run home run. Against the Diablos in the winner’s bracket Championship, King Friday was completely outmatched and they were mercied. In the loser’s bracket Championship only Carl and Rich remained, so they had to forfeit against the Belgian Wiffles. Murtha showed he can pitch from the new distance, but also showed he does not have the stuff of an ace. This team will need Cosby and Myers or they will have no chance at winning.

2 - 2

The Warriors were the only team to give El Diablos a game, but I am positive Alex Shore doesn’t care. In their first game, the Warriors blew a five run lead, and then also blew many chances in extra innings to send el Diablos to the loser’s bracket. They bounced back nicely though, and beat the Ducks and Islanders rather easily. Kiefer and Bones were both very impressive in their pitching debuts, and it finally appears Alex will have some players who consistently play. In a game that would have sent the Warriors to the Championship, they lost to Jason Matt who was pitching for the first time since the 2011 playoffs. Much like the old Warriors though, I don’t know what to expect from this team. They have the ability to hang with the better teams, but also seem to play down to their weaker opponents.

3 - 2

The Belgian Wiffles deep run was my favorite story of the tournament. It appeared Belgian was going to take care of business in their first game against the Islanders, but they surprisingly blew a big lead and were sent to the loser’s bracket early. After playing in game #1, they then had to wait until game #7 to play their next game. Belgian stayed fresh during the off-time with batting and pitching practice, and then beat both the Holy Balls and Warriors. After a forfeit win against King Friday, Belgian reached the Championship Game. I was surprised to see Ryan Alexia take the mound against el Diablos, but his team was behind him 100%. Even though they lost, this team has earned everyone’s respect.

4 - 0

El Diablos with their eye poppingly awesome teal jerseys had an incredible WSEM debut. Their only true test was against the Warriors in their opening game, but after beating them in extra innings, they mercied the Holy Balls, King Friday, and Belgian Wiffles. The entire team crushed the ball, and Skinner, Chandler, and Dakota all were impressive on the mound. Dakota seems to fit in well with this team, and to my surprise is going to be a full-time player for this team all season. Is it too late to change my mind about the Garcia Division being the better division?

The Offensive Resurrection

		Your Junk my Happy Zone
		by Brandon Corbett

With yesterday being Easter Sunday and the season finale of The Walking Dead you would think those would have a duopoly on resurrections. However, you would be wrong. The biggest news in resurrections this weekend is the bats in WSEM!

One of the greatest things about Wiffle is the challenge it presents to the hitter and the creativity it lends to pitchers. That said, those hitters and how much they enjoy playing is every bit as integral to the game. Pitchers dominated in 2012, so we made a few rule adjustments to improve the experience from the hitters' perspective: correcting the pitching distance (which was always supposed to be 45' from the plate) and bringing in the Easton Pro Stix and Louisville C271 bats.

2012 Season RPG
All teams:	2.7
Winning Teams:	4.6
Losing Teams:	0.7

2013 Sat. #1 RPG
All teams:	6.1
Winning Teams:	9.2
Losing Teams:	3.0

The average runs scored by teams at the first Satellite Tournament on Saturday was 6.1 per game. Breaking that down further we get 9.2 runs scored per game by winning teams and 3 by losing teams. During the rough 2012 season teams averaged just 2.7 runs per game; winning teams averaged 4.6 and losing teams averaged a bone chilling 0.7 runs per game.

In slightly less analytical terms for those just observing the games: of the eleven games played on Saturday there were only two in which a team was held scoreless, while ten games saw a team score seven runs or more. Furthermore, five games saw both teams score three runs or more. While a niche group exists that loves pitchers' duels, for most people more scoring chances, more runs, and more action mean better excitement.

Sure, this was one day in March and not a full season. Sure, this was the first opportunity for many teams to play together and try things out. Sure, batters may be a bit ahead of pitchers at this early point. But if we look at the small sample of numbers from 2012 "spring training" we see that they are very pitcher friendly: 0.7 runs per game per team, 2 runs per game for the winning teams, and 0 scored by losing teams. Those pretty much held up to tell the story of the 2012 season.

Popular opinion is that the bats are going to see a resurgence this year, and the early numbers support that assertion. Hopefully so, because when the people are having fun this game gets better and better!